How do I react to husband wanting a divorce but giving me mixed feelings yet breaking my heart?

[Hannah236]

Husband and I have been going through problems for some time. It’s both of our faults we are both toxic towards each other and he refuses therapy. He wanted divorce 2 months ago and then decided to change his mind and work it out. We went to Cancun together and I thought it was a perfect trip. We came back and argued because he wanted to go out to the bars and I just felt like he was being secretive and shady with poor communication. Anyway he decided to bring up divorce again and we slept together once since 9/15 and I ended up getting pregnant. I have tried so hard to get him to try again and that we can and he says yes one day and the next no. He has been sleeping in another room since that day and out at the bars every weekend since and that was always something he NEVER did without me. In 5 years of marriage he never went it a club or bar without me because we mutually agreed they were pick up places. The other day he says let’s try and work it out after I talked to him for a bit and the day after went back on his word about divorce. Then the day after talking about going out for his birthday this weekend and I asked if he wanted me there and he said yeah sure. Yet he’s still avoiding me and sleeping apart. But hasn’t filed divorce. If he wanted to work it out he would at least come back to our bedroom right? Or hug or kiss me? Or is this normal to want this much space? Should I just wait around and be patient? I’m so heartbroken and I don’t know what to do

[Cherrytops00]

This must be affecting your emotions so badly. You must feel so confused and frustrated by all this. Are you pregnant now or have you had the baby? He seems to be taking you for granted. He is telling you he wants a divorce but not doing anything about it. Then he tells you he wants to make it work but still sleeps in another room..
You went on holiday and had the impression you both had a great time. Only to get home and him tell you that he wanted to go out to bars. Now he is out every weekend acting like a single lad. He will treat you this way for as long as you let him. So I would personally get angry at the way he is treating you. Your his wife at the end of the day. So I would tell him straight that if he wants to work things out. Then great go out for a meal and talk it over.
Only make it clear that if he wants separate rooms and to treat you like a spare part. If he wants to go out clubbing and use your home to lay his drunken head. Then tell him to slip of the ring because you will be filing for divorce. Until he can come back and work things through and be your husband. Tell him to go out the door and stay else where. Be assertive and make it clear you will not be treated like this.
I can bet you he will walk out the door but will be back next day. Tell him to have his single life you can do better. When he has all his freedom and doesn't have you around. HE will. suddenly realise that the other side is not so great without you.
Don't sit there waiting for him to decide when to divorce. Believe me it's better to be alone than to be unhappy with someone and live in hope he will stay around

[Hannah236]

He claims he is like this because I yell nag harass etc. I do things things because I always felt like I was walking on egg shells and can never trust him. it always feels like he’s looking for the next best thing because I feel like I’m never assured that he loves me. I know I did my wrong but I admitted and I don’t feel like this treatment for a a little over a month is anything that I deserve. I have been crying every night and depressed for the last month we have a one year old and I’m only 5 weeeks pregnant right now. He initially said keep it then when he changed his mind about us he thought it was better I don’t keep it and now I don’t know what to do

[Hannah236]

I love him so much and I’m hurting cause I went this to work but it’s breaking my heart that I feel like he doesn’t care about me. He comes home
From the gym and maybe says a few words to
Me and then showers and goes in the spare bedroom and locks it and goes to sleep. Does this mean he really doesn’t want or love me? It’s been an entire month and no affection. If I come near him and touch his arm or anything. He says watch out don’t touch me

[HollyK21]

You can love someone to death and still not meant to be with them. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now especially with kids involved, but they’re happy when you’re happy whether it’s with their dad or not. I wouldn’t say your man doesn’t love you, but it sounds like he’s grown to resent you and I don’t think there’s any coming back from feeling once you’re stuck in it. The healthiest thing to do would be to break up. Spend some real time apart and see how you both feel later down the road. If he has no interest in therapy to save your relationship then there’s nothing else to do. You can’t be the only one fighting for the other person.

[HollyK21]

I’d leave him. Clearly you love that guy a lot and want things to work, but at what cost? There’s no way you should allow him to ping pong between literally divorcing you or wanting to stay. It should matter just as much for him to keep you as vice versa. Once is troubling, twice is enough and any time after that is just unacceptable. This is a good time to be strong af, love yourself more than you love him and leave. Maybe one day he will change but not right now and it may not even be for you. You can do better.

[Hannah236]

He claims he is like this because I yell nag harass etc. I do things things because I always felt like I was walking on egg shells and can never trust him. it always feels like he’s looking for the next best thing because I feel like I’m never assured that he loves me. I know I did my wrong but I admitted and I don’t feel like this treatment for a a little over a month is anything that I deserve. I have been crying every night and depressed for the last month we have a one year old and I’m only 5 weeeks pregnant right now. He initially said keep it then when he changed his mind about us he thought it was better I don’t keep it and now I don’t know what to do

[Hannah236]

I love him so much and I’m hurting cause I went this to work but it’s breaking my heart that I feel like he doesn’t care about me. He comes home
From the gym and maybe says a few words to
Me and then showers and goes in the spare bedroom and locks it and goes to sleep. Does this mean he really doesn’t want or love me? It’s been an entire month and no affection. If I come near him and touch his arm or anything. He says watch out don’t touch me

[Guy13]

He does not know what he wants...