Why would my ex show up to my house unannounced to reiterate we are broken up even though I accepted we can't be together?

[DermalPunch]

He says he's depressed Ok. And that he can't go against his family. Ok. I was hurt by being strung along after I got away and was sucked back in but I accepted it and said I forgive him. Lesson learned. He said he wants to be done as did I. So I informed him I would change my number so we can move on.

I did so.

He showed up to my house unannounced the next day to repeat what we had already discussed.

He didn't want to give concrete answers about the finality of our relationship so I made him answer and agree that until the end of the world we are done. He was trying to go around it but I wouldn't relent. Then he said that we will never speak again. I said ok.

Why show up to say we are over when it was already said? Will he show up again? I don't want to move.

Updates

1 y

Showed up my door yesterday and really thought he was going to sweet talk me. Some people I swear.

[FilmGuy93]

You’re asking why a habitual boundary stepper is overstepping your boundaries. He’s doing that because that’s what he is; he’s a fundamentally unwell and disrespectful person.

[msc545]

He wants attention

[DaveJord]

Well, you obviously already answered your own question. He does not really want to be done with you. He still wants some type of relationship with you... maybe he was looking to get lucky. Or try to see if you would be interested in some other type of relationship. Like he wants to keep seeing you, but not officially date you... I know sounds pretty crazy right? Well, it is flipping crazy!!!

But showing up at your house? Well that just stray creepy, stalker like behavior!!!

I would guess that you have not seen the last of him, he sounds obsessed to me. So be careful, and stay, safe.

[DermalPunch]

No getting lucky and dating isn't possible nor is a friendship.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I feel sorry for you at the moment. Is this the guy who was struggling and you helped him as he helped you with your problem? And his mom, I think was against you?

[DermalPunch]

Yes. That whole drama. He refuses to tell me he doesn't want me at all. I said if you can't go against your family leave me alone. He has never just shown up to my house. I was surprised.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I thought it worked out. What happened?
He is caught in a dilemma. He had to leave you because of his family but did not actually want to leave you. That is making him come back. And it is you who is getting sandwiched between his decision and his wishes. He needs to move on to free both of you.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

But why did he not have the guts to go against his family? Not from a manliness POV, but really. Why?

[DermalPunch]

That's why I changed my. number. we are Muslims so we don't want a dating relationship but his mother and entire family has been aggressively battling him to not be with me. So he has to choose. He can't so I have no choice. He has recently been fired and is depressed, stressed and also has fallen into bad habits and has no idea what direction to take in life and is desperate for a father figure. His mother is controlling, aggressive and infantilizing. His father passed and as a young man trying to truly transition into manhood he is lost. Also, he wishes to be more religious but has no good influences. I was the only wholesome person in his life. I was willingness be there for him but he is just a total mess and also only knows how to behave toxically. We had to part for both of us. He is with the wolves now.

[DermalPunch]

I will never know. I can't be played anymore.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

He is not having any direction, right? Well the internet is filled with directions in any field. He should just latch onto one direction and follow it.
I think the main problem lies in him being depressed. A depressed just sits idle and hopes to do the work later on. But gets frustrated when the time is gone and slowly turns toxic in behaviour. Loss of focus, direction and all that. The cycle continues on.

That is why he is also toxic. He, essentially is a mentally imbalanced person. But he can be rebalanced for sure.
But my question is... why should you suffer? Good thing you left him. He will try to come back to you. As you said, you really are an anchor point in his life.

[DermalPunch]

This seems accurate. He is a mess. He is in a bad push and pull cycle. I get it but I have to be an adult. I can't be an enabler. I told him so. Men make decisions. I really really have done the best I knew how. A friend of mine put it into perspective for me. The thing is... I worry that he won't be fine. I am really worried he won't be fine.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

You think that he is gone in a rabbit hole.
He has turned towards bad things. I don't support that. There will definitely be some point when he is beyond recovery.

I don't want to go in medical details, but it is messy down the road.

I am an engineering student. I just know if I don't work in one company, another will just needed to be found and I will get it too.

I think he failed to understand that life is unpredictable. And the only to predict life is for you to be unpredictable too. A big big gamble.

Life is not absolute plan. Those are machines. He should not have been affected by the loss of his job. Why did he take it so personally? Cost cutting happens everywhere.

You really tried. Appreciate that. But a gone case just a gone case. Appreciate you again. For a sound decision.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Being a bit reckless is good.

[DermalPunch]

I agree! A life without risks is no life at all.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

And if you must, just put a restraint order on him. If he continues without your permission, that is.

Since you have broken up with him, do not entertain him any more. Focus on yourself.

[DermalPunch]

I am. I am. It's all I can do. Thank you SOOOO much. I needed to hear what I knew from someone else. Also, I now get his issue more. He wants total control since he operates from a place of fear. In fact, I was 100% right about him and everything I said was true to him and it has disturbed him because I pulled back everything. In fact, I used to be him. Empty, lost with no direction and very depressed. I was looking outside me. Back then social media, porn and so many other paths to destruction and escapism were not as all encompassing. Only God can help him. I was on the brink too. I've accepted that I was just a warner for him. He would never feel like a man with me so much more experienced and mature than him. I have hope that he will come out stronger and that he will be a good partner to a girl that is better suited to him and his family situation. I have let go of that ego love.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

That's it! Awesome.
Thanks!🙂😄

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

It feels good when what you are thinking is also spoken by the person in front of you. But the problem is, this validation does not tell you if what you think is right or wrong.

I just said that. Sorry, not related to your case😅. What you thought is absolutely right. No problem there.

[Andres77]

hell no, that's harassment and bordering on stalking and intimidation.

[DermalPunch]

Why "stalk" someone you want to be done with?

[Andres77]

When the other person doesn’t want to be with you

[DermalPunch]

Makes sense.

[NathanDavis]

because his immaturity is acting up...

[Alex8736]

that would be a STALKER

[eagle1951]

stalker