Would you divorce your spouse over an emotional affair?

[Anonymous]

[CaptainOverthink]

I rightly don't know, actually.
I mean, technically no promise is broken and how can I blame her for feelings she can't control? It's not like I could control my feelings, I could control my actions and so can she. Which is what a relationship is usually about.

And although being upset about it is also a feeling, it's more selfgenerated in my opinion, as it has to do with our own perception of the world and our expectations on others.
It has to do with worrying, it's natural ofc, but it's not realistic to project unmanifested problems into reality and is more likely to cause a real problem on it's own than it is to calm our minds.

Honestly, I think being upset or not about it is a matter of taiming oneself to fit within the bounds of our world/society.
Some things generated in our head don't belong in reality and it's our task to filter them away.
If we can't then no other relationship can realisticly take it's place either since they too are human and prone to developing feelings for others, it's unavoidable. Which is why the line is drawn on the actions we take.
The only alternative would be to become liers and fakers. Why open that door? If we do we'll just normalize behaviors that lead to real problems.

But its ofc also their responsability to realise the risks of being too close to some people, they will have to look for good balance there and learn to draw the line infront of themselves and adhere to the rules, which is where trust is upheld.
Without trust there can be no relationship, only paranoia and misery.

I think I would be realistic about it and learn to trust in my partner, because accusing my partner about it is fruitless and only serves to push them away. But I might also remind them of my worry but I would not make it an issue until it is. If I feel trust is a burden then I truly don't have it and must search peace within myself.

[ArrowheadSW]

Well it is a pretty subjective thing. At what point is a spouse having "an emotional affair"? I have a lot of friends who are women. So if/when I get a new girlfriend, is she going to think I'm having an emotional affair with any of them?

Although similarly, I do know a lady who filed for divorce when she finally determined that her husband cared more about the relationship with his secretary at work compared to the relationship that he had with her. I think in this case it really was obvious that he put more weight on the working relationship than his marriage.

[Ninania]

Back when I was still in a monogamous relationship, that would've been a huge deal breaker. It's all about context, every relationship has their own rules about what's considered cheating.

[petitedollbabee]

Yes, because my partner is demisexual, so if he became emotionally invested in someone else then it can only lead to us breaking up.

[mobiusforniner]

Having had an emotional affair myself, honestly it sucks. The lines are blurrier and one invests their heart into the other person. Its harder to terminate an emotional affair for this reason.

[ChooChooHaha]

Yes. Cause it's still a goddamn affair. How can you even begin to trust someone after that? I deserve better than that cheap bullshit.

[J060170]

Agreed. Mine cheated for 2.5 years. Swears they never “did anything”…but they connected with someone ELSE at an emotional level that was supposed to be WITH ME. For a woman - that’s more hurtful than a quick physical one. For me anyway.

[ChooChooHaha]

@J060170 " They never did anything." LIE. Not just that. Have you seen Master of None S2? Emotional affair with the Italian girl. "They never did anything." Not true. And even worse, they made her fiance (in the show) the fool.

Same with a guy I was into. We basically went on a few dates. "We never did anything." He texted me that he had a girlfriend. We've almost kissed, among other things. BUT: Does his girlfriend know I exist? Probably not. Has he even mentioned me to her, that we'd be doing shit? Also, probably not. He's even flirted with me. I will NEVER trust him. Ever. He made me make his girlfriend the fool. And he comes off as the ultimate nice guy.

[J060170]

Excellent point.

[ChooChooHaha]

@J060170 But seriously, you are 100% right to do as you did.

[Rania05]

No if he doesn't act upon it but if it starts interfering with his attitude on me like suddenly using cold violence or just downright insulting it needs about 2 years for me to leave.

[Anonymous]

While emotional affairs can be just as damaging to the marriage as physical affairs, they do not constitute adultery in divorce court. It is not enough for your spouse to have formed an emotional connection with another person.

[DarkCarousel]

Possibly. The trust is totally broken and it causes a question of self-worth. I don’t know if that can be rebuilt.

[J060170]

Indeed!

[dustybiker]

Emotional is far stronger and longer lasting than physical. So, yes.

[CrazyGirl2]

Actually YES, possibly! It depends on the level of betrayal, and the depth of the “emotional” affair

[Alwayreckles93]

Marriage is hard. Sometimes people rush into relationships.

[JessicaEarl]

Straight to counseling and he’d cut all communication. If not, then yeah

[Curmudgeon]

NO. We are what we DO, not whatever ephemeral thoughts go through our heads.

[sheikalana]

Maybe not but I would be really mad for a while and we would need to establish some boundaries and improve certain things in our relationship.

[jorfan3]

No, I wouldn't. But we'd definitely need to re-establish some boundaries.

[tiajoka]

I used to think so, but now I realize it’s really not the same. It’s more that they weren’t respecting the barriers set around the line they’re not supposed to cross.

[Dargil]

Yes, if involves swapping body fluids. No if it doesn't.

[peedy]

Let me tell you something there young grasshopper
A marriage is for life it evolved 2 people that love and care about each other so much that they refuse to give up on each other

[peedy]

Everybody always assumes that the grass is greener on the the other side of the fence because they don't have the patience for the grass to grow in their own paster

[serious_miss419]

Well said! The “grasshoppers” of today don’t understand that

[snowboarder720]

No grasshoppers can stop this stallion from breaking his pen! 🐎 😆

[itsalyssaagain]

Depends on how long we’ve been together, what we’ve been through and if kids are involved.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Oh yeah totally... It's over... Done... You're talking to a ghost lol

[Anonymous]

It's not fun being with a partner who thinks it's ok that for them you're second or third place.

[Anonymous]

Having kids makes it more complicated. If there are no kids, I'm not sure, maybe I would divorce a wife only if she is not invested in the marriage anymore, she is moody, she doesn't have sex with me etc.

[Guy13]

No, I would not.