First off, I know what I did was wrong & I take responsibility for that, but I'm really confused & could use some real advice rather than flippant condemnation.
My marriage was in trouble (still is & we are in counseling--and I realize that's not an excuse, but.) & one night I saw a (younger) friend I hadn't seen in a while, we were drunk & one thing led to another & we fooled around. He confessed he had always found me attractive but had never acted on it. I had never done anything like that before & I really thought it would end up being a one time thing. But when I got up in the morning there was an email from him telling me to call him so I did. Long story short, we ended up having a fairly torrid affair for about five weeks, which included sex but also included lots of romantic dates and dinners, intimate conversations, etc. It started to get complicated (he asked me if I loved my husband and I said yes, but I also talked about how we had been having trouble for a while---complicated by the fact that we have five children). The last nite we spent together my husband sent me this text asking where I was, how could I do this to him, etc., & I kind of freaked out (not yelling or crying but I just got very anxious). Before I left we (me & the guy I was having the affair with) had a long talk in which both of us acknowledged that we were involved in something neither of us had ever done & that we were both opposed to, but it seemed to have just happened, & then he stated he thought we should re-evaluate our relationship. Later that day I emailed him & told him how I felt, that I liked him & was attracted to him, but that I was married & did love my husband in spite of having problems, & that the next few months would decide whether or not we would stay together. He replied that he thought we should break it off & I agreed. At the same time, he made it clear that he wanted to stay in touch & remain friends.
My husband found out about the affair 3 days after we broke it off. We are in counseling & trying to decide if we will stay married. I did not fall in love with this other guy but I did really like him--we are very compatible. He has called me on a weekly basis ever since we stopped seeing each other. My husband found out and called & threatened him with physical harm if he contacted me again but that didn't seem to make a difference (he lives an hour away). He told me he still wanted to talk to me, remain friends, that my friendship was important to him, & to get a prepaid cell so we could stay in contact. He says he wants to see me but that we can't because of my husband. S/t he will make vague sexual comments to me. He tells me to call/email him but then s/t won't respond. I can't figure out what he wants & it's driving me crazy-I don't know what to do. Does he really just want to be friends? Is he waiting to see if I leave my husband? Is he just stringing me along? I can't seem to quit him completely. Does he feel the same? Help!
My marriage was in trouble (still is & we are in counseling--and I realize that's not an excuse, but.) & one night I saw a (younger) friend I hadn't seen in a while, we were drunk & one thing led to another & we fooled around. He confessed he had always found me attractive but had never acted on it. I had never done anything like that before & I really thought it would end up being a one time thing. But when I got up in the morning there was an email from him telling me to call him so I did. Long story short, we ended up having a fairly torrid affair for about five weeks, which included sex but also included lots of romantic dates and dinners, intimate conversations, etc. It started to get complicated (he asked me if I loved my husband and I said yes, but I also talked about how we had been having trouble for a while---complicated by the fact that we have five children). The last nite we spent together my husband sent me this text asking where I was, how could I do this to him, etc., & I kind of freaked out (not yelling or crying but I just got very anxious). Before I left we (me & the guy I was having the affair with) had a long talk in which both of us acknowledged that we were involved in something neither of us had ever done & that we were both opposed to, but it seemed to have just happened, & then he stated he thought we should re-evaluate our relationship. Later that day I emailed him & told him how I felt, that I liked him & was attracted to him, but that I was married & did love my husband in spite of having problems, & that the next few months would decide whether or not we would stay together. He replied that he thought we should break it off & I agreed. At the same time, he made it clear that he wanted to stay in touch & remain friends.
My husband found out about the affair 3 days after we broke it off. We are in counseling & trying to decide if we will stay married. I did not fall in love with this other guy but I did really like him--we are very compatible. He has called me on a weekly basis ever since we stopped seeing each other. My husband found out and called & threatened him with physical harm if he contacted me again but that didn't seem to make a difference (he lives an hour away). He told me he still wanted to talk to me, remain friends, that my friendship was important to him, & to get a prepaid cell so we could stay in contact. He says he wants to see me but that we can't because of my husband. S/t he will make vague sexual comments to me. He tells me to call/email him but then s/t won't respond. I can't figure out what he wants & it's driving me crazy-I don't know what to do. Does he really just want to be friends? Is he waiting to see if I leave my husband? Is he just stringing me along? I can't seem to quit him completely. Does he feel the same? Help!
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