my girlfriend dumped me and I am having an extremely hard time understanding why? My ex girlfriend and I started out as close friends but as close friends when we would hang out it always felt like we had a connection beyond that. We walked around holding hands, holding each other for long amounts of time, it just always felt like there was something more. There was a time when I expressed how I felt to her and she said she is not wanting a relationship now. So we stayed friends. She bought a house in her birth state which is not far of a drive from where I live, and I helped her move. From that point we seemed to always be around each other for long amounts of time. I was extremely happy, and she seemed that way too. We had a strong connection we enjoyed each other company. I would stay at her house for 2 weeks when I went. I eventually told her that I love her when we were friends, I thought things would get awkward but they didn’t. Days passed and we were intimate and I asked, what are we, and she said we are having fun. Even if that’s not what I wanted I accepted it. After we were around each other constantly, I met her friends and family. She ended up telling me she loved me and we began a relationship. It was perfect we did everything together we felt safe and spoke about everything. Then her bday came everything was perfect, but couple of days after she was laid off. I tried to be there for her and we were headed to Vegas to finish off her bday celebration so I made it fun. The last day there we had a convo and she then told me again that’s why she never wanted a relationship. It hurt, and from that day on she was distant and rude. A week after that she broke up with me saying she needs to focus on her and she never wanted a relationship. I’m hurt because she always said I was a priority and the perfect boyfriend, and without really communicating. She says she was confused and not honest with herself. It feels like she is saying what we had wasn’t real
Girls, what should I do next, I am extremely heartbroken?
What Girls Said
She always stated that she did not want a relationship yet you acted as if you were in one. Even if she said that she loved you, she may have felt pressured to say so after your were intimate.
The entire situation went way too fast for her and when she realized that she was actually going into a relationship, she had no other choice than to sever this relationship.
The issue is much deeper than what you are telling us. She must have had a bad previous relationship and she got scared to make the same mistake over again and that is why she decided not to make it over again with you. She needed time but your permanent presence in her life messed up that plan and that is why she did have to take this drastic measure.
You need to cut the contact with her, at least temporarily. If she did not cut you off completely on social media, you can try to ask her how she is doing but nothing more. If she wants to reconnect as a friend, then she must do the first move. Good luck.
Thank you for the insight. Although I want to say I never tried to push towards a relationship after we were intimate. I accepted what she wanted and left it at that. What happened next was everything she introduced, wanting me to stay at her house longer, wanting to travel with me, wanting me to meet her whole family and close friends, discussing marriage, kids, where we would live. Telling me things like you’re the best thing that happened in her life, that I was her favorite person, that she wanted to spend a lifetime with me. One thing I never did was pressure her to do anything she didn’t want to do. I just went with the flow. And she didn’t say she loved me immediately after we were intimate. It took about a month for her to express that feeling. At the end of the relationship after she was laid off, she asked me for space and I said ok I will leave, and then she told me she doesn’t want me to leave because that was my home. So I ended up staying and she just became more distant and rude.
Red flag from the moment she said “just having fun”. That was forever engraved in her mindset. Even when she loved you, it wasn't in a “romantic/forever” type of way
I too believe that was a red flag. At that point when she said that I was hurt by it but I honestly was like if this is what we are then ok. After that I never spoke about being together. A month later she told me she loved me and that’s when we began our relationship. From there she did things and said things that made it seem like she loved me way more than I loved her. She always wanted me around, always on the phone with me, constantly telling me to stay, treated me exactly the way I wanted to be treated and more. Than after she was laid off it all went back to I never wanted a relationship, I need to focus on my priorities, I want to be selfish, and she was confused because we were always around each other.
Oh so maybe she did have feelings for you but losing her job was like losing her independence and herself. She felt too dependent on you and you just said she loved you more. So you also unintentionally hurt her by holding back when she finally did give herself to you. Yea she's still confusing tho
But I didn’t hold back. I held back until she expressed her true feelings for me because I didn’t want to force anything and end up losing her. When she finally gave herself to me I was all in, and I’m not saying she loved me more exactly, I’m saying that the way she spoke to me and how she expressed her feelings made it feel as though she did. But our love was genuine and unconditional from both sides. We had each others back and learned everything about each other, the relationship seemed perfect. Then yea after the layoff she started to become distant and rude. I tried to be there for her and she wouldn’t allow it. Then when she asked for space I would be like I’m leaving because I wanted to respect her, but then she would tell me she doesn’t want me to leave because that was my home. So everything was confusing the minute a life changing experience happened she found it easy to get rid of me and tell me she never wanted this. Then went into saying she wasn’t honest with herself and wasn’t honest with her soul. And I’m just like how can you say all these things and share the moments we shared and say you were not honest with yourself, especially when I never forced the situation.
I hate she is playing games but i think once she has a job again, you two could give it a go again
It’s not the failures in our life that define us, it’s the moments when we decide that getting back up is all that matters.