My ex boyfriends fiancé reached out to me. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

I woke up to a huge paragraph from my ex boyfriends fiancé begging me to have her photographer reconsider. I was confused and she elaborated that the photographer for her wedding was my cousin. Apparently my cousin had heard a rumor from other family members (which was true) that my ex had ghosted me to be with the girl he is about to marry. I never directly told this particular cousin anything whatsoever about me and the ex because me and her are not close at all. Aside from saying “hi” when we run into each other at family events we just never talked much. But years ago when I was heartbroken from this occurrence I DID vent to another cousin who I am close to. Apparently that cousin told her that he didn’t deserve to be supported by anybody who loved me and that she shouldn’t do the job. So my cousin obliged and told them she wouldn’t work with them and that they would have to find someone else. I understand that she is doing that for me and I can only respect her wish because it’s a personal choice she made without consulting me at all. And I appreciate the fact that she chose to make an attempt to stand up for me. But it also makes me look really petty and like I purposefully arranged that. The fiancé wasn’t mean about it but I didn’t know how to respond so I just didn’t respond yet. What should I say?

[Lliam]

You could talk to your cousin. Thank him/her for their loyalty. Tell them about the message from the fiance and say that you won't mind at all if they take the job. After all, it's a wedding shoot and business is business.
See what they say.

Did they actually tell the fiance why they wouldn't accept the job? If so, that would make the fiance think that you deliberately tried to hurt her. And, as you said, she doesn't seem like a bad person. She might not have even known about you when she met your ex and may not have knowingly stolen him. Your ex is the one who cheated on you. It's a good think he did before you married him.

So if your cousin changed his mind and accepted the job after you talked to him/her, it would make you a good person.

You should message the fiance back and simply say that you never told your cousin not to take the job. You didn't even know about it. Say that you spoke to them and told them that you don't mind if they take the job. Leave it at that.

[SnowedIn]

Tell the photographer cousin to make the best decision for his business.

If it genuinely doesn't bother you, tell him that.

Ex's fiance will love you forever if so.

[Asker]

Honestly the fiancé personally doesn’t seem like a bad person. It’s not like I want to harm her. But the ex was the guy I gave my virginity to and my first love so it did hurt pretty bad

[SnowedIn]

I totally get it.

In that case just tell the photographer to make their decision. Best way to go.

Or be the hero and say yes. You're the bigger person and it'll show your ex how awesome you really are

[Xoxocutekitty]

Let her find her own damn photographer like every other bride out there.

Yes it's not her fault what your ex did, but also, it's weird to even want to hire anyone remotely connected to you. When you're married and one of you treats someone poorly/has a complicated history, it means BOTH parties have to deal with the consequences.

Your cousin is a good person, and the new girl/ her future husband will figure it out because they are both grown adults capable of researching and booking vendors.

[noohair]

It is not your decision, it is the photographer, so I would just not answer. I would not want a pissed off photographer doing my wedding pictures anyway.

[boggboss]

I just wouldn't respond lol