My boyfriend started, dating me soon after a break up. We fit well together though and found ourselves in love. But because of the nature of his previous relationship there were things to clean out, assets to divide and sell, etc. I realize it takes time to fully get over someone so I tried to be understanding when they would still have to talk. I’ve been paranoid though about them and thinking that they are still hooking up or seeing each other. he was out of town. I messaged her to ask her that she could have one last chance to show me that they were together. Before I could even ask, she told him I contacted her and apparently I finally went too far. He said he was tired of me being paranoid, and that he was done. we really did just have a conversation about the other night and help things be way better, but I started talking to my friends and then became mad and afraid they were seeing each other. I agree I’ve probably beat him to death with this even though I do get concerned about it. I couldn’t stand the thought though of losing him particularly over something like that I asked him to please not leave me and just give me another chance and I wouldn’t keep that up of being paranoid or always asking about her. He finally said OK, but it was my last chance. Should I not have pleaded with him to give it another try or does him saying OK so quickly mean that he wanted to stay together anyhow? I know they say you should never beg your partner to stay, but it was because of me being paranoid not something else.
Was I wrong in how I handled them trying to breakup and did I beg too hard?
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Luv, that's definitely a tough situation. Breakups are messy and it takes time to fully move on, so your jealousy is understandable. But you gotta trust him if you want this relationship to work. Some thoughts:
- Reaching out to his ex directly was probably a bad move - you should've talked to him about your concerns instead.
- Constantly bringing up the past and accusing him is only gonna drive you guys apart. He needs space to move on fully.
- Begging him not to leave probably wasn't the best look, but I get why you did it cause you care.
Him agreeing to stay is a good sign he wants to make it work too. But you've gotta chill on the jealousy from now on man. Trust him until he gives you a real reason not to. Maybe take a step back if the feelings flare up again.
Communication is key - talk through your worries instead of acting on them. You guys can get through this, but give each other some breathing room too. I think you'll be alright, just focus on the present from now on yeah?
This is what I don't get is why people don't put their own feelings aside and be like you need to heal more before dating someone else it always seems to bring up issues like this