My ex broke up with me on Friday, and I am completely confused. For the most part, our relationship was loving, caring, and fun, and we’d often talk about the future and plan things way in advance. Last weekend I got quite drunk on her birthday and spoke out of turn, not in a nasty or horrible way, just with my tone. Of course, I regret it massively and apologised profusely. Last week was very strange, on Tuesday and Wednesday we chatted non-stop, and she said she loved me and missed me, and couldn’t wait to see me on Friday. Thursday she was distant, and we hardly spoke on Friday. She came round in tears and told me she was heartbroken, and that the relationship wasn’t healthy for her at the moment. I’ve had my mental health issues, and I’m seeking therapy, and she said she worries about me too much, and not at all about herself (her Mother passed away 4 years ago, and she has never really addressed it mentally). I stayed stoic, and consoled her whilst she was in floods of tears. She said I was perfect for her, and would have suggested a break but knew I wouldn’t accept (we’ve spoken about that before). She also told me she’ll probably message me in a few days and I said not to bother (not that blunt just in a round about way). I feel like I wasn’t very supportive, and acted in a rash way saying things like “if you leave you can't come back, I want to fight for this now together”. She told me couples break up and get back together all the time, I said “I hate the sound of that, why would we break up with a view to getting back together”. So that’s it, I’ve gone completely non contact with her because I’m completely broken. I have a bit of false hope in my mind that she’s going to message me, and I wish I could get rid of that. I want to focus on myself but I just want to get her back so bad. she didn’t want to break up but she did it anyway. I’m so heartbroken that she’s given up on this because her head wasn’t straight. Opinions on how to play it to get her back?
My girlfriend has broken up with me, but says she still loves me and sees a future?
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1Opinion
Sounds like she broke up to manipulate you and plans on getting back when she wants to or needs something from you.
This all sounds toxic and I hope you don't go back.
It's a rough situation man, breakups are never easy. A few thoughts:
- Give her the space she asked for. She was clear it's not healthy right now, so respect that even if it's hard. Nagging will only push her away.
- Work on yourself. Focus on improving your mental health and being the best version of you. That's the best chance if she does come back around.
- Keep your no contact rule for now. Don't reach out or reply if she messages. Stay strong in taking time to breathe and heal from it.
- In a month or two, if you're really feeling moved on and better, you could send a message checking in briefly. Say you hope she's doing ok too and leave it open if she wants to chat. But only do this if you're genuinely in a better headspace by then.
- In the meantime, lean on your boys for support and distractions. Work out your feelings through hobbies, sports, whatever lets you blow off steam.
It's possible with time and space she'll realize what she wants. But for now all you can do is give her that and work on improving yourself. Stay positive - this will make you stronger in the end, bro.