Do I have a chance with my girlfriend? She cares for me but says she doesn't love me anymore?

[justasadguy]

My ex girlfriend since a week ago has told me that she doesn't love me anymore, she still cares for my well-being like if i eat or sleep enough, but because I have previously hurt her for not being here when she needed me at times, she believes she can't take me back cause it upsets her too much. She says she has been hurting for many months and have thought about breaking up before but kept trying. She would just hold it in because I would get defensive, I do realize my mistakes and since then, when she came back to my house to pack up, we had a thorough talk about all the problems we've had. She also says I would get upset when she wanted to hang out with friends, I feel like that is a natural reaction as i wanted to spend more time with her because she feels i didn't care. In the end, she says she wants to be friends, and she is not going to date anyone for a month and then after that everyone is fair game, she said I can try then but then others would at the same time, this hurt me because I felt like the 1 year and 9 months we've had meant nothing. I understand how much she loved me, she held everything in but communication was one of our greatest problems, I know exactly hwo to fix the problem, I am also changign for myself to hase after my goals, but even after seeing my actions, she still isn't willing to give me a second chance, do you think I should go no contact for even longer than a month and if she misses me she'll contact me? Should I try to get her out on a date after the months ended?

Updates

+1 y

thanks for the help

Updates

+1 y

it'd be great with more opinions form girls : )

[inquisitiveemt]

So lemme just see if I got this. She's breaking up with u bc she had communication issues, for what seems like to me, a year and 9 months. Now she's already set her sights on moving on in just one month if things don't pan out between u both? I know this is going to sound harsh but she's already moved on... she's got the thought in her head already that things won't work. A month is a reeeaallly short period of time. And that all the almost 2 years is worth to her. If she really wanted this relationship she wouldn't set a time limit to working on things, but instead she should be willing to, with u, figure out the problems of the relationship and work on them together. Since communication was a big factor in the relationship, as it is with most relationships, that's where u need to start. If u plead ur case and try with all ur might to work on things, but she doesn't reciprocate or doesn't even try, I hate to say it, but the relationship will never be saved. Or if she does ultimately decide, after testing the waters, bc that's what it sounds like to me, and u both wind up back together if she doesn't put forth the effort, U'll just wind up back to this point. U may think that if u love enough for the both of u that someday she'll come around, the only one that's going to be sad, hurt and alone is u. Your young, and so is she, you need to ask urself "is it worth it?" U may think right now it is but it won't b a real relationship if she's emotionally, mentally or physically unavailable. IMHO move on, it's going to hurt like hell, but don't allow urself to be in love with the person u originally fell for, in hopes that that person will come back. Like I said b4 it sounds like she's already got her future planned.
I hope everything works out for u Hun.
Luv
Rosie
P. S. I've been married for 13 years since I'm 17. It's rough to fall in love so young, but if she truly wants to be with u she'd remove the time limit and work with u.

[justasadguy]

Actually, we've alreayd broken up, it sucks cause she says after a month, I have to re-chase after her with other men. she says she's been hurting for like 8 months but she never got to me, she never sat me down and talked to me, she left it alone after i got defensive and just let it go so i thought itd be fine and she's over it
thanks a lot for the feedback, it's very thorough

[inquisitiveemt]

I feel for you. It sux when u love someone and know that they don't love you back! The best thing u can do is move on. Don't chase after her, especially if that's what she wants! It's like a dog chasing its own tail. It's there, but u can never really get it. There's no reason u should be in the running for her love. You deserve way better than that. U seem sincere, and u deserve someone to love u without limitation.

[washize]

You should leave her alone. It doesn't really matter if you know how to fix things when she's done with the relationship. Knowing communication, and respecting your partners thoughts/feelings are the BASICS of being in a relationship. 1 year and 9 months is a really long time to make someone feel like their needs and opinions are annoying/not worth listening to.

It seems like when she wanted to work on things, you didn't think they were important. Now that she's gone you want to make things work. How does she know that you aren't just going to ignore her thoughts and opinions again? You had a very long time to work on things, and you didn't see her hurt or the problems in that relationship for nearly 2 years.

in my opinion the best thing to do at this point is simply to continue to work on yourself. Work on your communication skills, and work on learning how value the thoughts, opinions, and feelings of other people (empathy). Your main goal should be learning not to treat another person like this, so you don't lose another person that you cared about.

We all fuck up from time to time. As long as you realize your mistakes, and change what you can about yourself. It isn't that big of a deal. Lovers come and go, and eventually you'll meet someone who is there to stay. Along the way, all the experiences we get mold us into our future selves. If we take these experiences, learn from them, and better ourselves, then we can become great versions of our future selves. In the future, she may come back to you, and she may not. Either way it is a learning experience.

Good luck to you.

[Anon4821]

If you stay out of contact with her for too long she will think you have moved on, then she will. maybe this is a test, To see if you actually care or what ever. If you keep talking to her, saying sorry, asking to start over by taking her on a date or something, she might eventually give in. Try talking to her friends, mainly her closest girl friend. Convince her that you indeed have/are willing to change. Because she will listen to the guidance of her best friend, most girls do.

On the other hand she might truly be uninterested now. Might eventually end up hating you, if you don't leave her alone. I would have to talk to her to see where she stands with you. If there is a part of her that does still love you. I guess you can only hope now buddy.

I say if you still love her, keep trying to prove to her that you have changed and real communication with start to happen. Good luck.

[baseballbandfreak27]

give her time, but if she was feeling like this for months you don't really have a chance with her... just because you say you can change doesn't give her any guarantees, just move on and let the last year and 9 months allow it to be a learning experience for the next time your in a relationship, take it from a guy who has been in at least 3 longterm relationships, its hard to feel broken hearted but it passes only if you let it

[justasadguy]

yeah i'm goign to move on, I just don't know whether I should even contact her in a months time, and if I do, should I ask her out on a date?

[baseballbandfreak27]

nah don't contact her, contacting her makes you look desperate. Wait and see if she contacts you first if she does don't ask her on the date first, wait and see if she does.

[Anonymous]

When my ex told me that.. it meant she wanted someone else and it was over.

To me this is a total break up and it's time for you to move on bro.

[Anonymous]

give her space she's probably expecting you to try, you have to see if she misses you, id talk to her after the month is up and try one last time with her and prove that you really have changed if its meant to happen it will