Am I wrong for divorcing my wife because she lied about her fertility?

[Anonymous]

I (M, 38 ) have been with my wife, (F, 37), for 8 years (married for 4 years). She has a daughter from a previous relationship (F, 12). The dad left when she was a newborn. We have no idea where he is. I love her as if she were mine. She calls me dad and has a great relationship with me. I told my wife from the very beginning that I would like to have biological children, and she said she is open to having more kids. After we got married, we bought a nice place and started trying for a baby. After a year, we did some testing and all came back normal. My wife said IVF would be too costly and hard on her body. I was secretly devastated, but I decided to come to terms with the fact that I'll never have any biological kids. This was until a few days ago when I found out from my wife's sister that she had lied to me! She and her sister got into a fight in our house, and her sister screamed, "AT LEAST I DON'T TAKE PILLS BEHIND MY HUSBAND’S BACK AND CLAIM I'M INFERTILE! DOES HE KNOW YOU HAD AN ABORTION?" I was floored. My wife kicked her sister out and started crying, saying she really didn’t want another kid and didn't want to lose me. I can’t believe she lied to me instead of talking to me! I just left! I have been staying at my parents' house since then. My wife begs me to come back, and she says we can try for a baby. My step daughter even messaged me to come back! My parents think I should just move on and give her another chance. She made a mistake, and she apologized. AITAH for wanting a divorce for this lie?

yes abortion happened 1.5 year after our wedding. Yes my baby !

yes she saw me devastated an upset when she claimed we can’t have a baby. I can’t believe she lied in my face

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a really tough situation man. I can understand why you feel so betrayed by her lying about something so important. Having biological kids was clearly a big deal to you from the start.

At the same time, ending an otherwise good marriage is an huge step too. A few things to consider:

- Talk to your wife and really hear her side. Let her fully explain why she lied and what she's willing to do differently going forward. Make sure she understands how hurtful it was.

- Couples counseling could help rebuild trust if she's willing to be fully honest there. A counselor can also help evaluate if the relationship is salvageable.

- Your step-daughter loves you and doesn't deserve to lose you from her life too over this. Consider her feelings as well.

- Give it serious thought before divorcing. Make the choice you can live with, not one out of anger. Only you know if you can truly get past this or if it will always damage the marriage.

Ultimately do what you feel is right, but try not to make any final decisions until emotions have cooled more. A divorce is a big step that can't be undone. I'd exhaust all options to reconcile first if you still care about each other. But your feelings are totally valid too. Just take care of yourself right now.

[SolitarySolace]

Why take the woman’s side here? She fucked up and doesn’t deserve him. Why should he take her back? She’ll just do it again and he will feel like a dummy for allowing it to happen again. Also it’s a step daughter it isn’t his daughter. She’ll be fine she’ll graft into the next guy she gets with just as easily.

[Oliverlogan263]

@SolitarySolace You make a fair point man. I ain't mean to totally take her side - what she did was whack as hell no question. And yeah, who's to say she won't just lie again down the line if he takes her back, you feel me? Dude would look like a mega chump.

I guess my thinkin was more like, if they got a real good thing otherwise and he thinks she might actually change up, maybe it's worth tryna work it out. But nah you right, ain't no guarantees there and she broke his trust bad. Blood or not that stepdaughter will be iight, she adaptable.

At the end of the day dawg gotta look out for number one and do what's best for him, feel me? If he don't trust her no more then splittin up is probably the play. Can't be happy long-term with someone you always wonderin if they lyin bout the next thing. Appreciate you makin me see that side, he deserves better than gettin played like that fr.

[Oliverlogan263]

@SolitarySolace she fucked up for doing that shit to that dude… she had a whole fuckin abortion and lied bout couldn’t have another baby, my heart break for him. That’s some foul awful self centered shit to do

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm so sorry you are going though that. You are absolutely doing the right thing by divorcing her. I don't see how you can ever repair the damage she has done and have a normal, healthy, trusting marriage. I wish you the best and hope you find a better woman.

[Apple1996]

I don't think it's okay to divorce over this. There was something there stopping her from sharing all this info with you. Do you have any idea why this could be? Possibly had a traumatic birth with her daughter and didn't want to do it again... Or scared you'd leave like the first baby daddy?

I would talk this over with her before you call it quits. Obviously her lying was the biggest problem but I doubt she'd lie just for no reason

[Asker]

the lying and abortion behind my back.. Both are massive strikes. When i try to talk to her all she does is beg me to come back and start crying.

[rosemilk]

that is a completely valid reason for divorcing. don't look back

[SolitarySolace]

Not at all, no. Just hope she doesn't take your money, resources and home.

[SolitarySolace]

Also, I would have left too. The fact that women have that much power over a man's future child is horrible and needs to change

[Asker]

Agreed, thankfully my home predates the marriage by 3 years and is paid off. And our state is not a community property state, so she has no right to it. I feel so bad about her daughter, learning from her that it's okay to do this.

[SolitarySolace]

Gotta do what you gotta do. She'll be fine.

[Asker]

Agreed

[butterly248]

There has to be a reason. She may have miscarriage, had a still birth etc. Had a difficult birth with her daughter. The thought of being pregnant again scares her etc.

Please talk to her. I know you're angry and have very right to be. But there has to be an amswer. Please try to talk to her calmly ❤️

[Asker]

so you're asking that i accept her lies. I guarantee if the roles were reversed and it was me that lied for the entire marriage, youd suggest she leave me.

In any case the divorce papers have been drawn up, and she is out of my home. I have zero tolerance for liars.

[butterly248]

Best of luck then