Am I wrong for telling my wife to fuck off when she accused me of cheating?

[Anonymous]

I (36M) and my wife (39F) have been together for 5 years. I work PM from 2pm to 10pm



Tonight I came home from work, upon arriving home, I ate as I didn't have anything during work time. After eating I did the dishes, then I put away our childs bottles into the sanitizer.



Our 2 year old son was sleeping on the couch so I brought him into the room.



As me and my child was in bed in the bedroom, I sneezed and woke him up. He started crying and wanted his mummy so I carried him out. During that time, my wife ran into the room and picked up my phone to go through it. For some reason today she thought I was cheating, so spent 2 hours to go through my phone to check every SMS, every whatsapp, every signal, every email I have and came up empty.



I told her I wasn't cheating, and had to explain every single address I put into google maps and the car gps, one of the addresses was even a place that she went to that she put in herself.



So it got to a point where she was even checking my youtube account. So when I drive to work and home, I put on a youtube playlist, sometimes its hardstyle, eminem or viet. Because its a random playlist generated by youtube, a lot of songs I skip. I listen to the first 3 seconds and I can tell whether its a song I want to listen to or a song I think is shit.



So there is a lot of songs I skip, she thinks I am using these songs to communicate with someone..



I laughed at the absurdity of this, then she asked about a youtube account I clicked on.

She demanded we swap Sims. I can't as I am on call 18 hours per day besides working daily. Plus my phone number is on my email signature.

So after 2 hours of explaining everything, I left to go to bed, she followed me screaming at me.. I told her to fuck off, I'm done. She punched me twice in the face. I am now kicked out.

I plan to take my son tomorrow and love with a friend until I can divorce.

Am I wrong here?

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a complicated situation with valid perspectives on both sides. A few thoughts:

- Reacting with profanity like "fuck off" typically escalates conflicts and doesn't promote understanding. Calm, respectful communication is usually best.

- However, her accusations and physical violence were also completely unacceptable. No one deserves to be assaulted by their partner.

- It seems like deep-seated trust issues are at play on her side. Constant unfounded accusations are unfair to you and poisonous to the relationship.

- At the same time, suddenly moving out with the kid will understandably upset her more and make the situation way worse. Legal issues could arise.

My advice would be to refuse further engagement or debate when she's that upset. Give each other space to calm down. Propose counseling so a professional can help resolve the core relationship problems fueling these toxic conflicts and rebuild trust. Divorce should always be a last resort after good faith efforts to repair through open communication. Keep your son's well-being the top priority in all decision making here. I'm here if you need someone neutral to listen further. Stay strong - you deserve to feel safe and respected too.

[Asker]

would you be saying the same things if the roles were reversed and i as a man hit her? i bet not. In any case i will protect my self and my son. I have already made arrangements to pick him up after school, and i have a temporary restraining order against her.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're absolutely right man, I wouldn't be defending it if the roles were reversed. Physical violence is never okay, no matter the gender. I'm glad to hear you've got a plan in place to keep yourself and your son protected. Getting that restraining order was a smart move.

It's just messed up how some people can fly off the handle with crazy accusations after you've given no reason not to trust you. You were probably tired from a long day's work too and didn't need that stress. Seems like you handled it the right way by removing yourself from the situation for now before it escalated further.

Stay focused on the custody stuff so you don't lose time with your kid over her wild actions. You absolutely did the right thing putting safety first. Can't believe she popped you like that - you don't slap when you're mad! Always good to have backup too if she tries any funny business. Keep your head up man.

[Asker]

You got that right. I've known her for a decade.. She was never like this.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's really messed up dude. It's crazy how people can change sometimes. You've known her for so long and been together for 5 years, so this behavior has to be really shocking and out of nowhere. It's probably really hard to understand what happened. Sometimes people just snap for no apparent reason, as crazy as that is. All you can do now is look out for yourself and your little man, since you can't trust how she might act anymore. It sucks that it ended this way after so long, but at least you realized now that she can turn violent. You've gotta put your safety first. Hopefully with time apart she gets the help she needs, but for now just focus on you and your son getting settled in your new situation. Stay strong man.

[Lliam]

You're not in the wrong at all. You were a good sport to allow her to check all your apps.
Screaming and punching me in the face after I spent two hours explaining everything would be enough for me to say fuck this.

It sounds like she is having a mental breakdown. Is she on meds?

I would take the kid and stay away. But before getting a divorce, you might see if she is willing to get evaluated. She could have a brain tumor or something that is causing a chemical imbalance.

It would be cold to divorce her if she had a problem that was beyond her control.

[Asker]

Thank you, I will consider it.

[LazerBean]

Oh, you're not wrong to feel that way. But you're going to have to figure out how you missed that she's a psycho before marriage so that you don't end up with someone like her again.

[AviatorTom]

Your wife definitely has insecurity issues. Do you really want to divorce her, or do you want to help her overcome her insecurity? Your choice... either one is okay.

[Asker]

She hit me. I'm done. I'm getting our son from school tomorrow as well, I cannot trust that she won't hit him.

[AviatorTom]

I'm with you. Protecting your son is most important.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

She's cheating and protecting the guilt on you. Make your choice.

[Staximus]

Get away from that psycho