Why do women end up resenting me for the very things that attracted them in the first place? I'm 34 and she is 34?

[Sopwith724]

To clarify Not the first time this has happened but after a 2 year relationship my girlfriend broke up with me blaming me for being selfish. I am very successful, have many hobbies and interests and passions that she once loved and found attractive. I am a go getter and can learn any new skill and I'm always doing a house project or investing in something new.

By the end of things about a few weeks prior she mentioned all of my projects and how they were selfish and only reminded her of the hurt I caused her by being so focused on them. When I tried to incorporate her more she refused to do anything together becuase it only brought up that pain in her. Yet she would never initiate anything or make suggestions of things she wanted to do. She said it was boiled up over the course of a year but never mentioned it hoping I would stop, she only told me about a month prior and then called for a break.

Am I really being selfish? These were all things that brought joy into my life. We loved eachother very much or so I thought, we had an incredible connection and bond. When we spent time together i always cooked nice dinners, breakfast, made her favorite coffee. I gave her all the respect, freedom and space she ever needed.

[SueShe]

Always remaining focused on hobbies or having too many of them, takes away quality time together. She probably felt that she was obligated to share your hobbies in order to be with you.

It seems that all your free time was devoted to doing something, be it pursuing your passions and interests. Trying to involve her in your passions does not mean that she likes them herself.

Quality time together also means to be together without having to do something. Perhaps that she is the type of person that would have preferred that you go on walks or that simply wants to read a book for example. Being successful also means to potentially have to step over people and that is maybe what is disturbing her on the long run.

[Sopwith724]

So the time we spent together was just about the two of us, I focused on her and we always enjoyed our time. She never spoke up that anything outside of that time was wrong until the very end, and when I suggested a few things she got bitter towards them. Because I never saw that anything was wrong I thought taking some time for my projects was okay. I am realizing I should have asked and listened to her. I wasn't a good listener. I just thought she enjoyed our time together so it was okay to continue what I was doing.

[SueShe]

It always takes 2 for a relationship to fail. Most of the time, it is a lack of communication or because of differences in character. Listening to the partner is important but also, learning from the mistakes. It is seldom entirely the fault of only one of the partners.

[thegreenyogi]

You're not being selfish at all. a lot of people see a relationship as an exclusive affair meaning that once you're in a relationship its expected of you to give up your personal life away from said relationship. If someone truly loves you truly personally I believe you shouldn't be made to feel like you have to give things up. And I firmly believe that said attitude boils down to insecurity issues and the need to control a partner.

[Sopwith724]

That's what I always believed about a healthy relationship, I never ever tried controlling or saying anything against what she wanted to do. She traveled, went on cruises, hung out with guy friends and I never once batted an eye, and I encouraged her to do those things.

[thegreenyogi]

I guess have different views of what a relationship or partner should be. Don't feel guilty for holding onto your hobbies.

[thegreenyogi]

Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a wise woman.

[Anonymous]

Be kind compromise

[TheSpaceGnome]

Dump her