My ex wants me to be cool with her new boyfriend. How should I deal with her?

[JT017]

So basically we spent 16 years together, since we were teenagers. We have a 12 YO daughter. By the end of the relationship both of us wanted out because I held on to grudges for too long and she could just bounce back from any fight and hated having to wait for me to get over our issues. So almost a month ago we decided to call it off. We still live in the same apartment. I'm still looking for a place to move out.

Around week two she told me that she's going to start dating a guy from work. This shocked me but now that we were not together anymore it wasn't my problem. It still hurt that she just jumped on to someone else so quickly. Even though i believed in the breakup I was still grieving from the crumbling of our relationship. It was half my life I spent with this woman.

I was in a terrible place in week three. I was sobbing constantly. It hurt even more when I got home from work from barely holding it together when she walks out and jumps into his car and they leave for a date.

One day she is consoling me and she tells me that her new boyfriend has a degree in psychology and if I want to speak to him I can. She tells me that he cares about me. She also tells me that she wants me to practically be friends with this guy. Of course I said no.

Today I told her that I know he must be a pretty cool guy but since he knew what I was going through and he went ahead and started dating her while I was grieving that it kind of ruined any chances of me wanting to get to know him in the future. She tells me that the dates were her idea and she pushed for that. That her new guy wanted to wait at least a month before dating.

My question is, how should I proceed with my ex with this info? I still want nothing to do with the guy. But now that I know that about my ex I kind of feel resentful that she made my grieving way harder than it should have been.

I forgot to mention that she had been working in this job for a month before we broke up.

[yourbestiegirl]

Oh god, hearing your story is very sad. It must been hard for you, I couldn't imagine. Hmm, I think your ex is trying to be nice to you but in the wrong way. She didn't notice that making you talk to her new lover would be a problem. yes, I know you're still grieving for her but I think you also need to search for a new partner. You can try online dating or meet up on a date, it would be great. About your situation with your ex, I think you should say that you're not comfortable talking to him, maybe she will understand and try to back her step slowly

[JT017]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your response. I have thought about using dating apps. I do have them downloaded on my phone but I just can't get myself to set up a profile. Even though I'm not considered unattractive I feel like I should have some time to be alone so I can learn about myself a little more. I'm letting my ex know that I'm putting my foot down with the fact that I do not want to interact with her new partner even though he wanted to wait to date her out of respect to our breakup. I will consider that fact in the future about his character.

What do you think about me confronting my ex in the future about this whole issue about the dates to being her idea? Or should I just let it go? It really does hurt that she's so willing to quickly move on like that while still living with me.

[JT017]

Crazy how things work. I got this notification to select best answer an hour after I got up early to go to work and a car was blocking me from backing up so I walked to the car and find my ex making out with this guy. The look on their faces when they noticed me was at least comical.

The universe sure does have a messed up sense of humor.

[yourbestiegirl]

oh god i am so sorry for the late reply
hmmm for me, i dont think you should confront your ex about this, i know you're hurting really hurt deeps on the inside but life has to go on and maybe you'll fine a new partner that will appreciate you more!! ^^ just thinking of it will make it more worst, try to focus on loving yourself and doing the best for your children at least in the future having your child as someone close to you is the best things that you're gonna experience, for now just dont care about your ex anymore, she already lost her feeling just by seeing her kissing that guy, i am so sorry but if that happen to me, i would already just be off without my ex, who needs to be a sec choice? do you want yourself to be her second choice? my boy, you deserve better

[JT017]

LOL I kind of already did. I sent her a message saying how she handled this breakup left me destroyed and unwilling to stay on friendly terms. The coldness she continues to show and then try to stay friendly it's almost mind-boggling. Immediately called me and we talked on the phone for about an hour. Turns out she still has pent-up rage from things I've done in our twenties. Things that happened more than 10-12 years ago. Things I wouldn't have done today and that I could only apologize for. Things that aren't on the level of cheating but I still screwed up. She says that the pain I'm feeling today is the pain that she's felt throughout our relationship and the months before the breakup. So this whole thing is vengeful. At least how I see it. This breakup went from a mutual thing to her doing everything in her power to look innocent and just twist the knife. Completely changing how I've seen her over the course of 16 years. It's really messed with my head to see the person you consider your significant other become your enemy the second they are not with you anymore.

[katiesmuff]

This really doesn't make much sense to me! Just how did you fuck up this relationship especially with a daughter involved.