Ex wants to move in with me permanently?

[Anonymous]

So I moved states and my ex boyfriend asked me if he could move in with me. This will requires him to move to another state and switch jobs and change his whole life. He said he wants to do it and I agreed to help him for 3 months and then he can get his own place. He said he wants to move in with me permanently. He was my first love and I lost my virginity to him but I’m hesitant on him moving in with me permanently. As a single mother I got so used to living on my own. I don’t even know how I would live with a man and then I have to open up my daughter to a new man in her life. It would be nice to have someone around to help and make my family complete. I’m on the fence because my ex boyfriend never lived on his own he always lived with his mom. If he moves in with me I would have to support him until he finds a new job in my state and build him up which seems like a lot of work. I want to settle down with a man that is already put together and that doesn’t need my financial support. I’m sure if he is serious about me or just looking for a place to stay because he is afraid of living on his own? It can also be a nightmare to kick him out if things don’t work out.

[V_Injector]

Still talking to your ex was a mistake to begin with. It sounds like he's not even the baby's daddy. He's going to be a net-drain on you and I'm sure you made him an ex for reasons. Did those reasons go away and why are you still talking to an ex?

[integrale77]

He's your ex this should be a big no unless you've discussed the option of giving it another go but even then him moving in is going a step too far.

Why did you split in the first place?
Is it over something you can live with seeing him every day?

[Asker]

We were young and broke up over petty things. I was 20 and he was 21 so not very mature back then. We always stayed touch afterwards. I’m afraid that he is going to try in move in permanently and that I will have to take care of him. Now that I am 30 years old, I want to find a man that will go half or take care of me. I want a man already put together and financially stable.

[integrale77]

Yeh I'd say to him if he wants to move in you need to get a contract drawn up detailing how much he will contribute to the house.

But in reality you want to say no to him. If he isn't going to be the one you spend your life with if you go out on the pull and bring someone back home and you have to say oh that's my ex.

[Mrtcn01]

no no noooo!!! dont accept it. especially if he has been living his family until 30s no way to accept him in your life. yes i understand your feeling. you need a role model for your doughter and you need to feel complated family but this guy can not give it to you. but if he says i found a job and a place to stay for a while i would like to try by myself but i want to see you too as a girl friend it is ok accept it but in the beginning he started to ask favour, no noo nooooo!!!

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice! I think he need to grow up. He has been living with his mom until he was 31 and never had to pay rent and then he finally got a government place to stay for 6 months for free. I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 and has been paying rents since he has not concept of paying bills and I think he would lean on me to be his mommy. Want me to cook and clean and pay for everything. I want to help him out because I understand being in a bad neighborhood and moving to a good neighborhood could change your kidder and life but it seems like I will. Have to take care of my kid on my own and another grow adult.

[Asker]

*change your mindset and life but it seems like I will have to take care of my kid on my own and another grow adult.

[Mrtcn01]

you are hardworking and faithful woman i dont know you but i can guess who you are so i admire you.
to be honest cooking meal, cleaning his dirty stuff is not a problem. i m sure you do it without any complain. But not only this guy but guys like this man can not support any other people, can not share feelings, can not show his love, can not be a good example around him. he does not have a courage to act for doing something. he doesn't look for help he looks for baby sitter.. you should refuse him gently even he does not deserve it (in my opinion) but you are very naif so you dont want to hurt anyone.

[Anonymous]

Sounds really messy. Especially with all those old feelings floating around. You may find yourself in a position you really don't want to be in.
If you feel you really must support him, make it fixed term and lay it the ground rules from the start.

[Billlewis]

If you're going to have to support him, even temporarily, I'd pass.

[dudeinohio]

you'll never get into a new relationship if you let him. friends with exes is a no no and living with one is worse.

[guyinterested]

do not let him. That would condemn you to be single for life.

[slatyb]

Don't let him do this, you aren't ready.

[Anonymous]

Clearly he's serious about you.😆😆😆