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I have cheated in the past and when my ex found out it served as a wake up call for me. Seeing him so hurt and devastated hurt me so bad and I realized how selfish I was. I was glad that he gave me a second chance, but that was the moment that I promised myself that I will never cheat on my partner ever again. I actually did a lot of self work to better myself, even went to therapy for it. He then cheated on me as “revenge” but tbh I get it and let it slide, we worked it out and our relationship got stronger. Even after we’ve broken up we still respect each other but we’re not friends bcs we’re already dating new people.
What about you? If you’ve ever cheated and got caught, was it a wake up call for you or did it do nothing to you and you’re still okay with cheating? No judgement here, just curious.
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This isn't about me as I've never cheated and neither has my husband. Though I'll speak on behalf of my parents (whom are still married, still together; both are now 52 years old) after reading dad's journal nearly 2 years ago. This is the link;
So the ideal, perfect family doesn't exist at all?
According to the journal, just like you, my mom (got caught... in the act) was glad and felt lucky to be given a 2nd chance too. Then dad cheated back in revenge, admitted it and got forgiven too. Both long worked things out and they've been at peace for the longest.
Just like just, my mom went to counseling and therapy at the time. She also paid for his counseling and therapy sessions. She did other things to make it up to him at the time.
I think it can definitely work out in the end if both parties show how serious they are about turning things around. I’m glad things are doing great with your parents, it gives me hope.
I also just found out my current boyfriend has been cheating on me emotionally. I know I’m not going to take revenge on him though… it did brought us much closer as he was able to finally open up me emotionally. He does seem committed in trying to work things out with me. I just hope I can move past this…
I also read your dad’s journal that you posted. Must’ve been quiet a shock for you to find out. I can relate tho, my dad also cheated on my mom (and I only knew just last year when my mom accidentally slipped up when we were discussing my childhood trauma). I was definitely taken aback, but having been in their position before (with me and my ex) I can understand that they made it work. It’s a really complex process but I guess when you truly love the person you can actually find it somewhat easy to forgive their betrayal.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. In the beginning it was a total shock and took me off guard. You see, I grew up with the nearly perfect image of the love between my parents and even made a rule to myself that I would wait till marriage and love him till the end, a unique love. My husband is my first and only but I lost it during our engagement, oh well... so close.
I didn't imagine my parents as the cheating type, much less my mother. I grew with a sweet, devoted mother, sweet person that's well liked in the family (my dad's parents always liked her... then again dad never told them what she did back then) caring to my father and at the same time she was the stricter parent with me and my sisters. I recalled that one time I was drunk at age 21 and my mother didn't like it at all. Hard to believe that getting caught cheating changed her for a better person. Before that, she was a girlfriend that would come be tardy on some of their dates, into parties and the communication between them wasn't that good. I never knew her old version. The mother I grew up with would never be late on anything. Needless to say, I've always been a daddy's girl (he was the softer parent with less rules, lol) and my sister are just naturally close to our mother.
I suppose you can work out your current relationship. Yeah it takes a lot of communication, effort and time to work it out if you want to.
In a way her cheating made her the person that she is today. I do believe that infidelity can lead to a major wake up call for some people. I can understand how shocking it would be for you tho, but our parents were young and dumb once, I’m sure there are a lot of things that they’ve done that you wouldn’t have guessed happened lol.
I hope your parents’ infidelity didn’t destroy your hopes and dreams of being able to have a “perfect” relationship (at least as close to perfect as possible). At the end of the day, your parents made it work, they wouldn’t have gotten where they are today (even appearing as perfect to their kids) if they didn’t go through the struggles they went through together. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger I guess lol
In a way reading about my parents and what they overcame, brings me back to my husband's current issue with his inability to ever father our child, robbing him of fatherhood. If my parents overcame the most difficult obstacle that kills many relationships and marriages, coming back stronger, then my husband and I can work that issue and form a family in other ways.
That’s great that you managed to take something positive out of it all! Every couple does go through difficulties eventually, it’s only then when your commitment to them is being tested. I hope you can work it out with your husband, there are multiple ways for you to build a family xx
My wife emotionally cheated and was planning to physically cheat, but I caught it and stopped it. She denies it til this day, but it fucked me up. I went on to get revenge by doing the exact same thing she did. I even would quote the guy, especially because she said that the things he said to her weren't bad. I did this for a couple years. In the end, we moved on, but there is definitely no extra love from it. It was pure damage. We both lost trust for each other and it doesn't come all the way back. Especially when I see some of the same signs pop up. Or, she sees them pop up with me. I will say that our sex life improved while I was out making new friends with young girls. But it went back to normal when I went back to normal.
Are you still together? I mean that makes sense that once trust is broken, it’ll never be the same. There’s always gonna be some lingering suspicion or maybe even resentment in the back of your mind…
I also just caught my boyfriend emotionally cheating on me. Our sex life has improved immensely bcs I feel like that’s the only thing in our relationship that’s truly “exclusive”, he shared his love with someone else so it’s no longer special (in my head). I still have love for him but I also have no extra love for him. I just have whatever’s left, not sure if my love would ever grow again…
With my ex tho, since we both cheated, it grew us closer for some reason I guess bcs we went through the same pain together?
Trauma bonding? That sounds like what you're talking about. And yeah, we're still together. She's right next to me right now. I don't think the love ever grows back the same way tbh
Oh you might be on to something, I think it could be trauma bonding…
I can sense that with my current boyfriend I’m not sure if the love will grow in the future… I’m hoping it will and it’s been 2 weeks since I found out so I’m hopeful.
Do you have any regrets of staying together or the cheating tho?
No regrets at all. My kids are the most important thing in existence. I'd castrate/unalive myself for them if I had to. So, remaining in a rocky relationship is no big deal. I don't regret getting revenge at all either. It fixed most of the damage, and reminded her that I wasn't okay with being cuckolded.
That makes sense, I guess in a way getting revenge on her was your way of evening things out so you’re no longer left with feelings of resentment or being the “loser”. An eye for an eye I guess.
Literally 100% what is what about. "I can't be a cuck" kind of thinking. Immature, I know, but our egos are real. Have to protect them to some degree. The resentment never fully goes away though.
I’ve been there so I can relate but in my case the resentment fully went away after we both got even I guess mostly bcs we weren’t as in love as we thought we were… we were so much better off as friends so we ended up just laughing it off.
It’s great that the both of you were mature about it and decided to stay though, I’m sure your kids appreciate it a lot!
😊 🤝
My relationship with my girlfriend benefited tremendously from her cheating on me, because I realized that it really turned me on, and I literally begged her to keep seeing him.
That’s great! Sometimes it do be like that lol