It’s been 2 years on and still can't get over her. Any advice?

[marco]

I was in a three years relationship that ended two years ago when she dumped me. Since then, I've done everything to move on—I have hobbies, a good job, a great social life, and even a new girlfriend who treats me much better. I cut off all contact with my ex about a year ago, but I still can’t stop thinking about her. Every day, I obsess over her for an hour or two, searching for her online and listening to sad songs.

I desperately want to talk to her, but I don’t trust myself because I’m unsure how I would react—angry, sad, or even pleading. I know we can’t go back, and I want to focus on my new relationship, but this obsession is holding me back. I wonder if I miss her friendship more than the romantic side. It’s been two years, and I don’t understand why I still feel this way.

[Nirmroth]

Okay I am gonna be honest with you here.

1. Good that you cut all contact but you have to show dicipline. Dont search her and avoid anything that has to do with her. You know how it makes you feel and how much you want to move on. Think about that next time you feel like searching her.

2. Seek therapy, you need someone you can talk about this just letting it all out to a stranger you can trust is very freeing and helpfull believe me. Other than a friend you won't feel like a burden and its strangely good that a therapist is basically paid to listen and aid you.

3. Consider breaking up with your current girlfriend. Rn you are comparing her knowingly or unknowningly to your ex. All boyfriend/girlfriend type of stuff you do with her, remebers you of your ex which funny enough make it hard for you to move on. you're probably not ready yet to take in a new person completly into your heart.

Source: Guy who was in a 8 years rl and took 2 years to finally get over her. It started slowly to get better when I did the stuff mentioned above.

[Nirmroth]

4. Consider making a list of all the things that your ex hurt you with. Yes that includes how she made you feel during/after the breakup too. You build a fairy castle of her in your mind putting her on a podest. She likely has changed in those 2 days. You have to realize that you didn't only loose a rl but the person you fell in love with aswell. Basically consider her dead. I dont think you properly griefed in that regard bec you still see her as the same person but the person you fell in love with loved you and wanted to be with you, this person doesn't its not the same and the old version is dead.

[Nirmroth]

2 years*

[razelove]

The best thing you can do is force yourself to start dating. She probably is. Her new boyfriend is railing her brains out while you're crying in the corner going "Cindy!". She's screaming at the ceiling "Fuck me harder Tommy!"

Get out there and knock the rust off so you can get someone to start screaming your name, even if the reason is completely petty, like making her jealous. Also three years isn't that long... I've been married for 15 years and though I'd be feeling the hurt for a few months, I'd move on for my own health and well being.

Also for my kids, I have a feeling they'd be coming my way since I do more of the day to day, and having help would be... helpful.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

You need therapy, and I don't mean that in an unkind way. You need to process this loss. You're grieving, and that's normal. What you've done is great, but I suspect it has distracted you from the work of grief.

I'm sorry for your loss, man. That's so hard. :(

[77five]

Please break up with your current girlfriend. you're obsessing over your ex while with someoen else? Thats a shitty thing to do. Dont use some other woman to try to get over your ex.

[RebelinSteel]

You need to get booked into counselling. This is not something anyone can do themselves if it is like how you describe, you need professional help.

[noohair]

Why would you want to be with someone that does not want to be with you? Living in the past has kept you from growing. Stop that shit looking for her online. That is what is keeping you in a bad place. Find a way to resist those urges and they will pass into history.

[LiamJHayden]

Sounds like you are idealizing the ex, at least in some ways. I have to agree with @TheRealPepperPotts on this. Therapy.

[FlamingLass]

Yes, move on find someone new