Why is my ex so awkward around me?

[Anonymous]

She avoids me and when I try to interact with her, it’s awkward. We have mutual friends so, I have to deal with her.

[Anonymous]

Honestly you don’t really have to deal directly with her. I had to deal with this within a tight-knit friend group once upon a time, there were no separated outings, everyone got invited to each thing through the same group chat, and my ex went every time. I would focus on the women in the group or keep my distance, and would only be cordial with him limited to greetings and goodbyes. I think what you’re wanting is to have friendly banter with her and engage more, but that may not be on the table for her. Yeah it can be awkward but you adjust. It also doesn’t mean this will last forever, it took me and my ex 7 months to get past the awkwardness.

[Asker]

Well, she’s blocked me and it’s been seven months since I ended things.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I blocked my ex on Instagram and Snapchat when it happened and he definitely gossiped about that to a person or two in the group. I doubt it’s personal in that sort of way, she just doesn’t wanna deal with you and wouldn’t outside of having to see you in the friend group. Then you’re the one who ended things so you feel differently about it than her and handle it differently because it was your choice. She didn’t make the choice.

[Asker]

But she’s not dealing with me within the friend group. I keep trying to talk to her and engage with her, but she either ignores me or is short with me.

[Opinion Owner]

“I keep trying”, stop trying so hard. Things were literally the same with my ex and I (interestingly enough, 7 months just like you), so obviously I get it and we were also distant, but that’s because he RESPECTED my space. You are being selfish, because you feel awkward you’re anxious to relieve it without much consideration as to her disinterest. You are trying to force yourself back into normalcy and keep asking “why won’t she just do it, why won’t she just stop this”. Please understand, you cannot control her progress, or her decisions. It is fantastic that you feel ready to dive back into casual friendship but YOU are the one who broke up, so you made peace with this decision ages ago and don’t have the same response as her. Maybe you’d feel differently if you’d been broken up with. You’d probably be just as disinterested in striking up a friendship again, and in this case you can’t say otherwise because you don’t have this previous experience with HER for reference (emphasis on her because it doesn’t matter how you handed any other breakup, it won’t always be the same experience person to person).

[Anonymous]

she's awkward cause you're awkward. No you don't have to deal with her

[Asker]

How am I being awkward?

[Opinion Owner]

you're awkward cause she is... its whatever you're doing lol

[melnc]

Maybe it's time to focus on people who actually want to be around you instead of trying to force something awkward.

[Asker]

But we have to be around each other being that he have mutual friends.

[melnc]

She ignored this and moved on, perhaps it's time for you to follow suit instead of getting tangled in trivial details.

[Asker]

I consider my friend group my safe haven, but she’s creating an uncomfortable environment.

[Asker]

When I pulled her aside and but this to my attention, she was rude and said that is was the risk that you take when you get involved with someone in your social circle and that she doesn’t owe me anything.

[melnc]

You really shouldn’t have wasted your time trying to negotiate with her on how to act around your mutual friends. They’re fully aware of the situation and see through the pretense. Instead of trying to play nice, just ignore her completely. It’s time to stop caring about how you’re perceived and focus on what truly matters... your own integrity.

[Asker]

I don’t care about how I’m perceived. I just miss the original friendship that we had.

[jojouzumaki]

She’s not ready.