Am I wrong for thinking my ex is an asshole?

Question

Okay so we recently broke up August 1st. So that's three months ago today but my dumbass said we could still be friends. At first, I was contacting him constantly because I wasn't over him or the relationship but then I got an epiphany and let that shit go. Then he starts contacting me almost like he used to before the breakup and I'm thinking now we can finally start to be friends. Because there's many exes that remain friends after a breakup.

Nope nope nope. Wrong. He recently told me that he's in love with his best friend from high school whose married with a baby. They briefly dated back in high school but it went nowhere. Now I'm wondering if he had these feelings while we were together. He said he didn't but I don't know if I believe that. But she also has feelings for him since her marriage is falling apart.

He sought advice from me and I wanted to tell him to go f himself but instead I was supportive and said he should follow his heart despite the fucked up situation.

So am I the asshole for wanting to tell him to go f himself? I'm conflicted because he's always been my best friend since college which was over 10 years ago but at the same time I'm like why tell me something so fucked up. Like are you deliberately trying to hurt me?

He did apologize and said he knows it's not fair to me but I still want to say f you so bad.

And I know I mentioned this in my last question but I'm just so flabbergasted that he would do this and so soon after the breakup.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Not at all , an ex is an ex for a reason , , so the only thing you are doing wrong? , is allowing him to still be a part of your life , because you are holding on to something that is no longer there , between you both , the friendship and love you use to have with him when you were together , is broken and damaged , I know you have a history with this guy and you have good memories of him , but unfortunately it didn’t work out , so understand that’s the past , that you should move on from because he is no longer your present, if you both truly loved and cared about each other , you both would still be together and not exes period. You are best to move on from him and put him behind you as much as possible , you are only hurting yourself by assuming you can still be friends’ with him , because again you are holding on to something that is no longer there , if I was you , I would ignore them as much as possible and focus on yourself and focus on moving forward without him , he already made it clear to you that he isn’t choosing you anymore , he is choosing a girl from high school instead. So stop giving him advice period , he clearly has no respect for you by telling you about some other girl he is trying to pursue , So yes you should of told him to Go fuck himself right then and there and make it clear to him to never call you again , he sounds like an immature selfish person , probably why you both broke up in the first place , if an ex called me up asking for advice about some new guy she is pursuing , I would tell her to Go fuck herself and hang up the phone on her disrespectful ass. No ex wants to hear about their ex pursuing someone else , so ask yourself that question? When you eventually meet someone else, is your intentions to call your ex and tell them everything about it? And ask them for advice? If I did that to my exes , I would hope that she tells me to Go fuck myself lol That is immature selfish behavior. Your ex is immature and selfish by doing that to you period

Maybe_Maybe_not · Accepted Answer

"I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself but instead I was supportive" Aren't friends AND partners supposed  to be allowed to talk honestly? I don't mean to tell anything anyhow, but there are many words possible to use in order to  say what you want to say , plus  he looks able to hear you . So, just say it, it's not too late. I don't know him but given the intimate content he shares with you, it means to me that he is over the chapter with you. If you don't relate as a friend, and I think you don't, then... That's also something to talk about with him, else such scenario will repeat. You don't have to be supportive, it's not a rule you have to obey . It's maybe what you want, but you also want the opposite somehow, and it's okay to have conflicting feelings. It's  not really okay to run an inner conflict for too long  though, because it hurts inside and you don't need that.

silvermoon84 · Accepted Answer

I’ve been in your situation before with my last ex. The only way that you’re wrong (and I was too), was to except the friendship label when you knew deep down it was going to hurt. He and she have history so you didn’t stand a chance. I know you don’t to throw away a friendship. I didn’t either with my ex but I knew it was better for my mental wellbeing to cut ties. Did he call me an asshole for it? Absolutely, but my self care and mental health were more important than his feelings Truth is he never got over her. I’m sorry you got stuck in the crossfire, but now it’s time for you to take care of yourself, cut ties and move on. He doesn’t care about you, he cares about her and about feeding his ego. Don’t allow it. You deserve better.

RageBabe · Accepted Answer

No girl. The mature thing was what you did. In contrast, I would have been petty as f**k. You supported him; don't be hard on yourself.

kylee2437 · Answer

I wouldn’t say he’s an asshole, he may be trying to make you jealous, but that’s what you signed up for when you accepted that friendship label. Lesson learned, Never ever go backwards with somebody. If they choose to leave, they don’t get to back track. They get permanently removed, and that is how you keep your self worth in check.

AviatorTom · Answer

You can think whatever you want about an ex. An ex is in the past, move on.

ManOnFire · Answer

You are not wrong at all to want to tell him to fuck himself. And yes, I think he was probably having those feelings for her while you were still with him. I also think he was asking for your "advice" just to try to make you jealous, maybe to see if it would make you want to crawl back to him.

Sometimes people you've known for a long time are just not going to stay with you through the rest of your life. Sometimes we outgrow people. I would move on from the dude and leave him to do whatever he wants to do, cuz I think if you stay friends with him it'll just be a toxic drain on you.

Radiate143 · Answer

He did that on purpose to test if he could keep you in the backburner or to see if he could get rid of you. He's manipulating and temperature checking. Just because you've known people for a long time it doesn't mean that you have to associate with them forever.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

No he’s an immature narcissist man who needs reassurance from anyone he can get it from. He’s not respecting your feelings or even considering how you’re going to be affected from your break up. He’s not someone you could be friends with after a breakup.

lightbulb27 · Answer

no, not sure it's totally accurate, but feelings I get.

yea think you are right, he was stuck on her and he hasn't learned his lessons to grow past it.

attraction and love is an amazing thing and once you understand what's going on, won't be so painful.

I'd say move on, you are too old to deal with this and friends is a waste of your time. friends for what purpose? find your mate.

FreyaRed · Answer

To make a proper and objective picture of relationship and you ex are few sentences surely not enough. However from experience exes just want hurt you when they grasp there is no way back. That's why "we remain friends" after breakup is in most cases not more than an empty phrase.

Bricealan · Answer

@simslover92 Well, "lover', that's a decision you have to make with how you feel, about him. I am in EXACTLY the same situation!!!🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️(We had a sexual problem, before we parted)  "She" and I parted company more than a YEAR ago and recently she texted me and wanted to meet...(I'm driving back down to Oceanside tomorrow) ?

exitseven · Answer

Okay- you need to move on with your life. You can be civil to him if your paths should cross but you need to put the relationship in a little box and store it in the dark recesses of your mind. I know (really) it is easier said than done but you are just cutting the dogs tail off an inch t a time so it does not hurt as much.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Never stay friends with an ex. I was stupid and remained friend with my last ex and she encouraged me to see where things would go with the girl who ended up falsely accusing me and served me an ex parte PPO which led to my fear and resentment for all women. 🤷🏻‍♂️ I blocked my ex after that

spartan55 · Answer

Well, you wanted to be 'friends', there you go. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

PeterLegg91 · Answer

He's messing with your head 😠 or maybe he's trying make you jealous so you chase after him, maybe he testing the waters re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

PeachyPie93 · Answer

No it's normal, you obviously still have feelings for him and he has completely moved on. Your best bet is to cut him out of your life, I personally could never stay friends with a guy I slept with and had feelings for.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

You aren’t. I did warn you that he was likely taking the time apart to go seek other romantic partners

DrPepper12 · Answer

You deserve better than this tbh. You should have told him to go fuck himself.

StevenMcGarrett · Answer

It sounds like he really thought you two were friends and would give him an honest female opinion. It didn't sound like he was trying to hurt you on purpose but I can definitely see you being mad about it.

Staximus · Answer

How many questions are you going to ask about your stupid ex? Move on with your life already

Anonymous · Answer

That depends. You Said breakup. But didn't say who did the breaking up. And don't say it was mutual. Someone posed the idea.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I wouldn't go that far, but he has some issues. I would stay as far away as possible.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It can be easy to remain friends if you enjoy each other, but the romance is just not clicking. However, if one or the other is still "carrying a torch" it makes it problematic.

Alex-Snow · Answer

It is still ok to be a friend... after all you shared some fun and hopefully some great sex with him.

Anonymous · Answer

Why is he in love with her , it’s been 10 years

elizamichale1 · Answer

Are there ever any exes who r not assholes huh

Nerdvana · Answer

But you did tell him to go f himself. You just did in a mature adult way. Your hurt, natural you want to hurt back.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Who cares? Why are you thinking of you ex anyway? He’s the asshole that is now out of your life. So to hell with me.

NathanDavis · Answer

if this is not bringing you any benefit and it's just not good for you at all... then just quit it, and keep your distance

Shamalien · Answer

You gotta move on…why multiply your pain? Stop this

Anonymous · Answer

nah it's ok He probably thinks you're a bitch too he just ain't gonna tell you

scott04sa22 · Answer

Because most ex's are jerks

CubaPirate · Answer

The short answer is no

Am I wrong for thinking my ex is an asshole?

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