What does it mean to be civil or cordial with an ex?

[Anonymous]

My ex (who dumped me) is constantly complaining about the fact that I unfollowed him, avoid him, and when in a group setting with mutual friends, I don’t really engage with him like I used to.

We agreed to be civil and cordial around each other. To me, this means not hostile or rude. I don’t know if I’m missing something or what.

[anorak_anorak_anorak]

I may not be a relationship expert, though I am currently learning a lot about them. But I would think that he has not processed the break up. If you unfollowed him, he may be looking for superficial likes. If he dumped you, I can understand you unfollowing, and digitally. breaking up with him, but also if you choose to avoid him so that you can move on, then maybe explain that to him.

Mutual friends after a break up often pick a side, but I think it is mature that you still attend the same gatherings with mutual friends. Over time, the romantic emotions will quiet and become a lull. Maybe there is an aspect that he is dangling you along so that maybe if he can't find a new girlfriend, then he figures he has you to return to.

I would work on self confidence, and trying to find a new set of friends. Sometimes making the separation final, it requires that you make a new set of friends, which may mean that you have to leave the old ones behind, and they become less a part of your life.

If you don't want to leave the door open to getting back together, I would let him know in clear language. It may take time though for both to consider the break up and really move on with life.

I guess your concept of cordial shows you seem to have a good understanding of what it means. It can also be looked at from a positive side, and maybe cordial means being nice and kind without any intimacy or feelings involved.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that's gotta be tough dealing with your ex still buggin' you about that stuff. I get it, it's like he wants things to go back to how they were before, but that's not always possible, ya know?

Being civil and cordial just means keepin' it chill and not startin' any drama when you're around each other. You don't gotta be best buds or anything, but just bein' polite and not makin' a scene is all it really means.

It sounds like you're doin' that already by not bein' rude or hostile towards him. The unfollowing and avoidin' him is prob'ly just your way of takin' care of yourself after the breakup. As long as you're not doin' it in a crazy, messed up way, that's totally understandable.

Your ex might just be feelin' salty about the whole situation, but that's not really your problem. Just keep doin' your thing and bein' the bigger person. As long as you're not bein' a jerk back, you're bein' civil like you agreed.

[Asker]

Why would he be salty if he is the one that broke up with me?

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a really good question. It is kind of weird that your ex is the one who broke up with you, but now he's acting all salty that you're not interacting with him the same way.

I mean, he's the one who decided he didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, right? So it's a little strange for him to be complaining about you putting up some boundaries and creating distance.

Maybe he was expecting things to just go back to "normal" after the breakup, like you'd still be super close and hang out all the time. But that's usually not how it works, especially when the dumper is the one who initiated the split.

It could be that he still has feelings for you, or maybe he just feels guilty and wants to keep you in his life in some capacity. But that's not necessarily fair to you, especially if it's painful.

You have every right to create that distance and space for yourself, even if he wishes things were different. Unfollowing him and being more selective about your interactions is a totally reasonable way to take care of yourself post-breakup.

If he's really that bothered by it, that's more of a him problem than a you problem. Just stay civil and cordial when you have to be around him, but don't feel obligated to go above and beyond. You gotta do what's best for you.

[Anonymous]

I’m on your side, just because you’re cordial doesn’t mean you have to follow him on social media or be all buddy buddy with him. I think you’re doing the right thing by still maintaining proper boundaries with an ex. To me being cordial is basically just being polite, you’ll still say hi to him if you ever bump into each other but that’s it.

[Asker]

I guess, I find his lack of empathy and self-awareness astounding. How do you break up with someone, date someone else soon after, then expect that same person that you hurt to carry on with you like before as if nothing happened?

I’ve been nothing but polite, but even this isn’t enough.

[Opinion Owner]

He sounds insensitive and entitled. Don’t let him ruin your peace. Do guys still talk at all by any chance?

[Asker]

I have him blocked on everything, so he keeps looking me up on LinkedIn. We share similar friends so every time he sees me, he forces interactions despite my aloofness. It’s very cringe to witness.