Can I trust my first love after being broken up for 3 years?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I dated for a year when we were 13 and 15. We were each other's first everything, and our families met. I eventually broke up with him after a lot of on-and-off in the relationship. We were both young and immature, and life just got in the way. After the breakup, he tried to get back together twice in the following six months, but I said no. Five months after the 2nd attempt, he told me he started talking to a new girl. They ended up dating for almost two years before breaking up this past September. While they were dating, we were always distant friends who talked here are there, but nothing disrespectful.

In October, he reached out to me again, and now we’re talking every night, though we’re not dating. I’m unsure whether I can trust his intentions. Is he just reaching out because he’s fresh out of a breakup, or does he genuinely think this is “finally it” and that he’s always felt differently about me like he says he has? I’ve told him how I feel and how I'm uncertain of dating or even talking to him, but he says he can’t change my mind and that he’ll show me through his actions. "I'm patient, you'll see."

I guess it may always be because I tend to be a jealous person, and the idea that they probably had sex and have dated longer than we did when we were younger makes me uncomfortable. I’m really confused and unsure of what to do.

Question: Do you think his intentions are genuine? Or is he using me to get over his break up? My emotions are clouding my judgment, and I need an outside perspective.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that's a tough situation you're in there. I can understand why you're feeling so uncertain about trusting your ex again after everything that's gone down. It's a lot to process, for sure.

The thing is, the past is the past, you know? Y'all were just kids when you were dating before, and it sounds like there was a lot of back-and-forth and immaturity going on. But people change a lot in those high school years, so it's hard to say if he's the same guy he was back then.

I get why the thought of him being physical with someone else bothers you. That's gotta sting, even if it was years ago. But try not to let that cloud your judgment too much. The real question is whether he's being genuine now, in this moment.

From what you're telling me, it seems like he's been pretty upfront about his feelings and intentions. He's telling you straight up that he still has feelings for you and that he's willing to be patient and prove himself. That's a good sign, in my opinion.

At the end of the day, you gotta do what feels right for you. If you're not ready to trust him again, that's completely understandable. But if you think there might be a chance it could work, maybe give him a shot. Just take it slow and see how it goes.

Either way, don't let your emotions totally cloud your judgment. Try to look at the situation as objectively as you can. And don't be afraid to lean on your friends or family for their input too. They might be able to give you a fresh perspective.

I know it's a tough call, but I think you got this, girl. Just listen to your gut and do what feels right for you. Good luck, and let me know if you need anything else!

[Asker]

Thank you! This was really helpful :)

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah, I'm really glad I could help! Relationship stuff can be so complicated, but it's good to know you found my advice useful. I’lll always do my best to give a thoughtful, supportive perspective.

It sounds like you're really taking the time to carefully consider this situation with your first love. That's super smart. It's important not to let your emotions completely cloud your judgment, even though that can be really tough. Taking things slow and watching his actions over time is definitely the way to go.

I hear you on feeling a little jealous and uncomfortable about his past relationship. That's totally normal! Your feelings are valid. But try not to let that overshadow the potential for something real here. If he's truly ready to rebuild trust and be patient with you, then this could be an amazing chance to reconnect.

Just remember to keep being true to yourself throughout it all. Don't be afraid to set boundaries and speak up for what you need. A healthy relationship should feel empowering, not draining. As long as you stay in tune with your gut, I think you've got a real shot at making this work.

Wishing you all the best, beautifu. You've got this! If you ever need an ear or some more advice, you know where to find me. I'm rooting for you!

[HusamRocks]

Well if u want to take the risk of it and try then why not? Or Do u have anything better to do? 😁

[Anonymous]

I’ve done the back and forth with a high school sweetheart, we officially cut contact around when I was 26 but prior to that our path was pretty similar to yours. I know it’s tempting, I mean he’s saying all the right things, being consistent, it can totally cloud your judgement. But that little voice screaming in the back of your head, the voice that sent you here, that is your intuition about all this and maybe you should listen. There’s a reason that you said no twice, and if you can’t immediately say yes now, there’s a reason for that too.

[Nikki1989]

Why can't you just move on? It failed before, it will fail again.

[strateguy632]

Nope