Break Up & Divorce

My ex abruptly broke up with me, and I was trying to get answers and I ended up yelling?

So my ex broke up with me in a pretty harsh way, she broke up on the way to the place I was going to propose. We spent 10 days abroad, with her friends and I felt so alone. I had no idea we had such major issues that she felt the need to break up. I felt hurt and betrayed because she complained about me to others but didn’t communicate those issues to me.

We live together and she is trying to find a place to move out. It’s been very awkward here, and I am still missing answers. I know I will prolly never get them, but I went from thinking I was going to propose to her, to her breaking up with me all in the span of 2 weeks. She has a history of being dismissive with my emotions during the relationship, belittling my feelings or invalidating them. We didn’t have healthy communication there. And during this, she has been worse. I have been trying to remain calm during all of this, but every aspect of my life has been turned upside down. I moved across the country for her, away from my friends and family.

I was asking her the other day why it happened? What could have possibly changed so much that we are here now? I don’t know why I asked because I knew I wouldn’t get answers. But over the course of the conversation it got more and more Emotional. I was crying and she just kept making excuses instead of just acknowledging my feelings. I asked her to just listen to me instead of trying to spin it to be my fault. She rolled her eyes, and I said “please, do not roll your eyes, I am trying to communicate here” and then she made another face and I just sort of snapped and generically screamed. I didn’t say anything bad to her, I was on the other side of the room but I did scream. I just broke. Because she wasn’t allowing me to just express my feelings without belittling them. I know I shouldn’t have yelled, but I think over the 2 years I was just tired of not being acknowledged. I just don’t know…in that moment, her belittling me just made me break…
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4 mo
I’m struggling because I hate that I yelled, despite how she has treated me and how cold she has been. I hate that I was pushed to the point of yelling. My friends and family all think I was justified in yelling given the circumstances, but I just feel horrible.
My ex abruptly broke up with me, and I was trying to get answers and I ended up yelling?
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