Is talking to ur ex cheating?

[Anonymous]

I was caught talking to my ex three times and my husband knows cuz he had a tracker in my car since the first time we got caught talking. My ex and I had clear boundaries of not having intentions of getting back together my only fault is I hid it from my ex cuz of our diff I think exes can be friends but he doesn’t. So once he followed me he went to my exs houses to threaten him and called me to say that the abuse from my parents is well deserved im a whore and a slut. And repeated my mom’s words to punish me and I have been diagnosed with PTSD. It’s now complicated cuz I am sponsoring him for his pr and we are at the final stage of his pr and I won’t leave him because that was never the intention I love him and I made a mistake and I can’t punish myself enough I even told my ex that he knew I’m committed and he respected that but my parents dont
know either of the marriage cuz of our religious differences. What would u do im so lost cuz he’s mia since two weeks. I don't know what he wants if he wants divorce i need to know but there’s no communication he said he wants space and then randomly said let’s have sex but there will be no emotions I said no and he’s like ur fucked up do t ruin my mood and leave

[Finchie40]

Unfortunately it is if your partner doesn’t approve of it , Your ex is an ex for a reason , Move on from them if you want to continue having a happy healthy relationship with your husband , the fact that you didn’t stop talking to your ex after your husband busted you the first time , just tells your husband that you don’t respect him whatsoever, When a guy feels disrespected by his partner , he will start looking the other way because he feels unloved and unwanted. Ask yourself How would you feel if your husband was secretly talking to his ex behind your back and you told him to stop but he didn’t’? Would you still respect him? Would you still trust him? So if you want to experience true love with someone , you need to wear their shoes the same way you expect them to wear yours or you will keep continuing having failed relationships. Your husband has every right to feel the way he is feeling now because you broke the trust and respect for each other. If you want to save your marriage , cut off all ties with your ex period.

[Asker]

See if u ask me how id feel id be okay with it cuz i trust him enough to know he won’t cheat on me but thats my mentality my mistake is deceiving his trust ik

[Finchie40]

Yea don’t just assume you know how someone feels, especially your partner , just because you look at things differently than he does , doesn’t make him wrong , your husband probably has his reasons as to why he doesn’t want you talking to your ex , which is normal , most partners’ do not want their partner being close to their ex period. There has been way too many horror stories with partners’ remaining friends’ with their exes period. It has nothing to do with insecurities, it comes down to respect for each other , if you want a happy healthy relationship. Someone you have to learn to be respectful, if you can’t be respectful then you are best just to remain single period, Did your husband come back or is he still gone?

[Cormac995]

1. you never should have gotten back in touch with your ex it's always a bad idea, always.

2. You shouldn't have hidden that you were talking to him again because now he probably thinks you cheated on him, and the trust is now broken so it might even be the end of the relationship now. Shit like this is why you don't talk to your ex.

3. The fact you kept talking to him after he made it clear it was a problem and ignored him and kept seeing your ex was a bitch thing to do. I'd leave you for it, in fact I'd leave you over 1 of these things.

4. I have PTSD too and while I understand it was extra stressful as a result of that you could have avoided this whole thing by, you know not seeing your ex after your SO said he was not comfortable with it.

5. Yes, this is basically emotional cheating at this point in my opinion.

So, in short in his position I'd call you that too. PTSD isn't a cared to do whatever you want without getting yelled at. You fucked up big time. He went too far by bringing up the abuse but what do you expect? He's emotional devastated by this the trust is gone and he thinks you're cheating on him and frankly you kind of are. He's right to be mad he just shouldn't have touched on such a deep nerve. Frankly though the calling you a whore and a slut thing makes perfect sense to me from his perspective, and I probably would have just nodded in agreement during most of his yelling

[Gwendoline]

You've badly overstepped with your husband. He's absolutely right to be suspicious and honestly why would he believe you've no intention to cheat especially if you are messaging your ex and visiting his house. Seems likely that you intended to cheat but have now gotten found out. Your ex was friendly and telling you everything you wanted to hear to get you into bed, the fact that you visited his home tells him you are open to cheating. If you and your husband broke up because of cheating your ex would never get serious because he knows you were willing to cheat with him and if you were willing to cheat with him you will certainly cheat on him.

To save your marriage you need to stop all contact with your ex and never see him again.

[Asker]

No I did not intend to cheat at all. We had clear boundaries I now realize my mistake is deceiving his trust I’m not a cheater and never had the intentions to cheat relax

[Nikki1989]

Not at all. You should remain friends with those that you were once friends with. If your current partner is so insecure and immature that he can't follow that logic, you need a better partner.

[Asker]

Even when I was with my ex we never spoke about getting back with each other or had any intentions we spoke about stocks my family issues, his current girlfriend etc cuz when we were together we saw a lot of shit together like police me being homeless etc… so it felt familiar to speak and we never spoke daily either it was once a week or weeks without silence and I know it was wrong but my husband doesn’t want me to have any guy friends he views them as someone hitting on me all the time

[Avicenna]

I talk to three of my exes- two of them I have kids with and the third is a close friend

[Anonymous]

Two things that will sound contradictory but aren’t


Your husband sounds like a controlling person who fits your clear pattern of bad choices


However, if I was your husband, that ex would be in a pine box now
For no other reason than moving in on MY territory and MY marriage.


And yes that sounds horrible and selfish.
But it’s not.


Exes have no business even crossing your mind let alone hanging out with you behind your spouses back


In my country of origin a if a spouse is caught cheating the other spouse can kill both people and be exonerated under the “crime of honor” statute
And it may sound barbaric. 99% of the population would never do it. But the existence of this law makes it so people think 10 times before cheating. As they should

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Given the background you describe, I think your question and its answer is secondary. It is cheating in his eyes, it isn't cheating in your eyes, so you're both right and wrong at the same time.

What seems much more urgent than ethical debates is this

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Your husband reacts disproportionately in a situation of stress, ___you describe him going full on insults and humiliation, on top of tracking your movements___. He is not displaying a balanced behavior, even in times of great stress.

Your well-being is threatened, I'd assume it didn't start yesterday.

Good luck 🍀

[Anonymous]

We have multiple problems here you shouldn't be hiding things, he shouldn't be tracking you and you both need to respect each other and either see a couples therapist or leave each other

[Asker]

He won’t respond to me it’s been two weeks

[Finchie40]

It sounds like your husband lost all respect and trust for you , so unfortunately you did this to yourself by not giving up on your ex

[FreyaRed]

If you promised you husband/boyfriend you won't met you ex but you did, it's breaking promises what is in some limited extent cheating.

[DonaldDarko]

Your ex is the least of your problems. Your husband has something very wrong with him. You better dich this loser before you get hurt.

[Renegade_Sailor]

Why are you having anything to do with your ex if you're married.

You need to be putting your time into making your marriage work not chatting up your ex.

[jahaims]

You are a cheater. You should have zero interest in an ex. Hopefully your husband dumps ya

[Ironic_Method]

You deceiving your partner is the problem. My wife and I talk to our exes, but we also communicate well.

[Staximus]

Talking to your ex behind your husband's back is basically telling him you have no respect for him and don't give a shit about his feelings

[Oldschool1981]

I don't think so. My wife sometimes still sleeps with her ex.

[Alex-Snow]

Ur husband does not own you and he sounds way too controlling

[nicfire171]

If it bothers your husband you should probably stop

[Jeff51]

You have some issues and who knows if you can work them out

[slatyb]

End the marriage immediately.

[David318578]

Do you have kids with your ex husband?

[Godihateyou]

Yes. I hope he leaves you. You are garbage

[RedInnocent69]

Talking as in driving to his house? Yeah, right

[In_Trance]

ask your current partner

[MasterKS]

Its depends upon how you both take it.

[hello4433]

It's cheating

[DCVsMarvel2]

Yeah