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Its been a week and a day after he asked for time to himself to figure out what he wants in his life and he still hasn't reached out to me and his snapchat notified me that he traveled to his sister's yesterday and he ignored my thankyou for the rent money text. That is the only thing I've texted him. Would it be smart to call him tomorrow because at this point I don't know if i want him back but if he's respectful of me and the 3 years I've spent with him I would like to work things out. Do y'all think I should call him? Also for added clarity we live together and he left his dog here with me.
What do I do now about this?
Anonymous
(30-35) 
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Leave him be, he’s gotta come home eventually. In the mean time, busy yourself and think about what you really want. You don’t stay in relationships because of the memories or time invested, those are both things you can never get back. You stay because the relationship is healthy, happy, and more good times are happening than bad.
On top of that, the good times are not enough incentive to keep on when the more recent times that matter most have been bad. I’m all about giving people space to think but over a week? I can’t imagine what could’ve happened between you two that he needs this much time to make up his mind but you shouldn’t waste much more of yours waiting around. Saving the relationship can’t matter more to you than it does to him, so if this is the end then let him go. I know, you live together; but try having kids, a business or any other substantial asset, you don’t stay with someone just because of that either. Separate that shit and go your own ways, life is way too short.
I found out that one of his sister's have been trying to get him to leave me so he can explore. And the other one is on my side. The sister telling him to leave me has always been a problem but I thought we were cool
I'm absolutely done if he doesn't talk to me for another week. My friends are coming this weekend to pack his stuff so I dont have to look at it
Proud of you but tbh I’d be done completely now because at this point he’s just being avoidant about breaking up officially. I made this comment 3 days ago, and already It had been a week. This is just too much hurt and stress being on standby not knowing what’s going to happen. Then to know he’s got a sister trying to get him to leave you, I’d be tired of that too.
Yep but sorry to say im not making it easy for him he's got to breakup with me im not doing it. He can come see me in person we rent a house together and he left his dog here too
That’s fair, let us know how it goes.
I will
new development: i found out yesterday from his mom that all of this silence was because I haven't been cleaning the house and cooking for him when he comes home even though I work too and have 3 dogs to take care of
Wow! Why couldn’t he just tell you this himself? I feel like that’s ridiculous. What do you think?
Yes its ridiculous he's very immature.
And his mom said he was coming back Friday to talk to me and he already said his 13 year old neice can come spend the night like im just supposed to forget what he just put me through. All to punish me for a damn house not being clean and me not cooking for him
And you accept this? You want to stay with someone like this?
No I dont accept it. He never puts me first and this is very disrespectful
Well he broke up with me
Wow! I’m sorry to hear that. Did he justify it with that bs his mom said?
Yes and he said he was tired of living in filth and that he's not attracted to me as a person anymore. He said he went to buy me an engagement ring a couple of times and didn't because of how unhappy he was and that I was unhygienic and he was embarrassed to be seen with me. But I was a gorgeous person. He said he was still going to help me pay rent and put back the money in my savings I had to spend on him and he was going to pay off my credit card and phone. He's still staying at our house acting like everything is fine and during the breakup he wasn't sure what he wanted he said he wanted to breakup then he said he didn't then he said it was for the best.
This morning he came and crawled into bed with me without me knowing and touched me on my leg
I’m going to be very honest, just as I was before and you can take my advice or not, last time you didn’t and he got the opportunity to dump you first.
You should save the best you can and move out. Don’t accept money from this man despite how much you need it. I say this because all you’re doing is laying the groundwork to continue to be mistreated and helping him erase any guilt he’s feel over how he did you.
Right now it sounds like the driving force in living/staying with him outside of love is because in a big way you’re dependent of his resources and as a non-married, separated couple that SUCKS. Why? Because he can do and is doing whatever he wants. Like this man had you in distress for over a week while he got the time/freedom to stay with his sister and make up his mind. He talked to every BUT you about his issues with you because he’s a fucking coward and then comes home and feels entitled to the exact same treatment. He feels entitled to touching on you in bed and coming back to the house living like nothing happened because he knows you depend on him. That should stir up something unsettling in your stomach.
On top of that, what if he finds someone else? Now that he has the green light to go date and no problems at home since you are willing to accept his money, he is guilt free! I wouldn’t want to give him that. I’d let him sit and watch me get all my shit together on my own without a dollar of his pity money and leave. You already know his family (sister and whoever else doesn’t like you) will make him feel like trash about that too, “oh why are you paying for her she’s such a user she doesn’t deserve any help from you”, so how long would this arrangement with your credit card and phone happen? Without anything in writing obligating him to fulfill those promises, he can back out of the agreement any time and the more you don’t touch him or let him do what he wants, the quicker that time would come. That’s just how men are.
I told him he confused and hurt me by doing that and he said "what I was just touching your leg" I said to him that it felt like he was trying to sleep with me and he said he wasn't trying to but if I was going to sleep with him I would. Then he started grabbing all of his stuff and he said you dont want me here because I wanted him to sleep separately from me. Then he said he would be back later to get the rest of his stuff
Perfect! Let that crybaby pack his shit and leave. Obviously you don’t want him in your bed touching you if you’re supposed to be broken up. He cannot have it both ways, wanting to be broken up but still get the benefits of casual sex and whatever else. Hell no. It’s better for him to leave.
New update: he's now sleeping with a woman who he emotionally cheated on me with and said he would never touch with a 10 foot pole because she was so nasty
What have you guys been doing all this time? It’s been a while since we were in this conversation. Are you still living together? Romantically involved?
Aw girl, that's a really tough situation you're going through right now. I can only imagine how anxious and confused you must be feeling with your ex-boyfriend needing this space and time, and him not even reaching out to you after a week.
The fact that he left his dog with you definitely complicates things too. I'm sure you're worried about the pup and also wondering what that means for your living situation.
It's smart that you're not sure if you even want him back at this point. After 3 years together, it's understandable to feel unsure and want to protect yourself. At the same time, if he's been respectful of you and the relationship, I can see why you'd be open to working things out.
I think calling him tomorrow could be a good move, but I'd suggest keeping it pretty low-key and neutral. Don't come in guns blazing, but let him know you're there if he wants to talk things through. Something like, "Hey, I know you said you needed some time, but I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. I'm here if you ever want to talk."
That way you're reaching out, but you're not pressuring him or putting him on the spot. Let him know the door is open, but don't beg or plead. Maintain a sense of self-respect and dignity throughout.
As for the living situation and the dog, I'd see if you can have an honest, non-confrontational conversation about that too. Maybe even suggest he comes by to see the pup, so you can get a sense of where his head is at.
The most important thing is to take care of yourself through all of this. Don't try to force anything - just focus on your own healing and growth. If it's meant to work out, it will. But you have to be willing to walk away too if he can't give you the respect and consideration you deserve.
Sending you all the positive vibes, girl. You got this! Let me know if you need any other advice.
Be direct with him. If he has to run off to decide if he wants you then move on. Why would you want someone when you aren't their first choice
This is what im going to text him tonight. Hey, good afternoon.
I’ve been giving you time and space to think about what you want, and I respect that.
But I can’t sit in silence forever. If I don’t hear from you by Thursday, I’ll have to assume our relationship is over. I’ll begin to move on and wish you well
That said, I’d really like to work on things because I do believe it’s fixable. We just need to talk. We can’t work through anything if we don’t talk about it.
I know I’ve been pushy about your job, and I see now how that made you feel unappreciated or disrespected. I also know me not holding up my end with the house and not cooking for you when you’re working so much added to that feeling of disrespect
And when you tried to kiss me I didn’t realize what was happening in that moment. It felt like you were upset you gave me a hug and got up to leave without saying much or inviting me to go swimming, so I thought you were mad. I’m sorry for misreading it.
I just need to know where we stand so I know whether to move forward or work on what’s wrong, if you’re open to that