How do I forgive myself for acting out of character when I was 18 and I chased my toxic ex who cheated and lied to me. I feel shame and guilt?

[Anonymous]

How do I forgive myself for acting out of character when I was 18 and I chased my toxic ex who was hot and cold. I begged, chased and cried to keep the relationship and now I’m 27 but and have strong self worth but I’m haunted by my past actions and feel shame and guilt. My past behaviour was extreme and I even waited outside his house for hours. He was 24 at the time and he cheated, lied, spat at me, and kicked me when I tried to get chase and beg him.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You need to let go of whatever pride you’re clinging to now that leaves you with such intense feelings of shame. People like to think that pride is the opposite of shame, but the truth is shame can’t exist without pride. It’s good to celebrate the progress you’ve made, but that doesn’t mean pushing away the bad stuff, it means you need to acknowledge where you were before to justify your progress, you need to talk about how the person you were before was so insecure that they did all of those things, that she was afraid and scared, not someone to be shamed and made fun of. Change your perspective on your past self, let go of your pride, embrace the humility of knowing who you are now is only because of who you used to be.

[Asker]

Thank you God bless, you are right I do feel shame cuz I now have pride and not forgiving of myself. Part of the shame is knowing they saw me so badly and it makes me feel embarrassed they saw me like that. I have no control of how they viewed the old me. I want to show them I’m not like that anymore…. Eventhough they’re the ones who hurt me….

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

A better question is why show them at all? Just be

[Staximus]

What you really need to do is come to terms with and resolve the issues that made you so compelled to chase after a piece of shit guy like that in the first place. What you did was not the problem, even though looking back on it makes you ashamed, angry, etc

[Asker]

Thank you

[beefcakebradybatson]

You were EIGHTEEN, barely more than a child. You're a grown woman who's seemingly learned from your mistakes, which EVERY HUMAN WIHOUT EXCEPTION MAKES. Now live and learn as intelligent folk do.

[bowenw]

It doesn't sound like you have done anything to forgive yourself for. Be thankful you didn't get stuck with him.

[jahaims]

Shame and guilt exist for a reason