Why is it a lot of married couples divorce when the kids move out of house? Is it just the shock of change?

[dwreborn]

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

No, it means they were waiting for the kids to be grown enough that a divorce wouldn’t leave too much of an impression on them.

[dwreborn]

Even being happy and in love with spouse. I think that's bad reason to stay married for kids it hurts the kids to even see the parents not in love just the irritated looks and being short with spouse if kids are old enough to understand

[JustinTheGreat]

those are the couples who had problems for years and only stayed together for the sake of the kids.
and then once the kids are adults and move out, they don’t feel the need to pretend to want to live together anymore

[ArrowheadSW]

They've been together for a long time. Enough time to raise kids. Perhaps they grew apart, and when the kids leave, it is time for them to move on from the marriage. It happens.

[Nikki1989]

You must know some dysfunctional people. I have never seen that happen.

[dwreborn]

I wish it was just in my head but unfortunately it happens a lot not to me yet my kid still in school but what's in future when she leaves for college guess time will tell

[Finchie40]

Usually because of past resentments that the couple had , that they overlooked for the kids’ sake , basically wanting their children to have both parents until they moved out. My ex wife and I did this , towards the end of our marriage , my wife became very selfish to the point I did t even know who she was anymore , she started spending a lot of time with her friends’ and excluded me every which way she could , treating me like I was a convenience to her , well that did t last long because I told her to get the Fuck out of my life and told her I want a divorce , By law I could t kick her out of the house but she ended up moving onto another room , we eventually sat down and talked and agreed we are no longer together , but we agreed to be mutual , So she did her thing and i started doing mine , I ended up meeting another girl that treated me like Gold and the second I did , my wife panicked and wanted me back , I laughed and said not going to happen , I dated and screwed this other girl for 6 months , until I found out she was married as well. So my life has definitely been a rollercoaster ride of craziness , My wife and I tried fixing our marriage , but it goes right back to shit , so we are Going to sell the house and go our separate ways for good , I can’t wait ’

[AviatorTom]

We got divorced, amicably, when all of our 3 kids were out of the house. One of the main reasons we originally got married was to raise a family, and we did that. We each spent so much time raising our family that we didn't take as much time for us as we could have, and we grew apart. When the kids were gone, we realized that, and amicably divorced, which turned out to be good for both of us. We each remarried, and now spend time with our spouses.

[Hardon-Collider]

It's not just the shock of change. The kids are the anchor. For twenty years, the shared, external purpose of raising them is the glue. It holds the two people together, even if they're not a real couple. When the kids leave, the anchor is pulled out. The two people are forced to confront each other for the first time in a long time. And what happens? They realize they were never a real couple in the first place. They were just two people who happened to be a family unit. The divorce isn't the cause; it's the symptom of a lack of a real, conscious, individual connection between the two people.

[mysteriousNicholas]

Hmm 🧐 I'm taking a big guess here - please humour me - "ma and pa, only stayed together, for the sake of the kids, until the kids hit 18 or hit 21" or whatever - that's again a guess. But, that said, not every divorced couple, divorced when, where, why. You could ask Chicken versus the Egg all day long - who was first 🥇 🏆

[mysteriousNicholas]

@dwreborn "You" referring to anyone reading 😋 I like to use my words flexibly

[dwreborn]

I like hearing any response it hasn't happened to me personally yet I may be on that road soon though it takes a lot to keep a marriage together especially as time goes on and this is from experience

[mysteriousNicholas]

@dwreborn if I was smarter, and if I wasn't a politician or similar fields, or other fields even - I really find it fascinating if someone works as divorce lawyer or something involving the divorce industry - I mean you know those two guys in Wedding Crashers - I'd hate their job as counsellors at the beginning, yet man it's something else how you'd never run out of stories to go home to the wife to vent about with names and other identities redacted if just venting to the spouse 😃😅 over dinner for two alone at home the two of them - but that's all I think is the glamorous side - "or even as a single person, you'd never have a boring day of work in the divorce sector, I mean not the domestic violence type cases either, just the ones where they're arguing over a speed boat or arguing or a yacht 😁✌️😜 and how it's all about negotiations and paperwork and ñegotiations and paperwork and office water cooler tea breaks and paperwork - and did I mention the paperwork 🖊️ pens paper negotiations mediation pens paper computers paperwork - negotiations - and whatever parts involve the Courts or not - just another day at work in the office - sounds like a dream job to work in divorce in my silly ideal fantasies 😁😅

[mysteriousNicholas]

@dwreborn hope your weekend has been treating you well - it's been bliss for me this Saturday , shopping, the usual chores 😃🙏 praise the lordy lord and other deities 🥳😈

[dwreborn]

Ya I guess working in the divorce field should make you a master at relationships if not you would never have any questions about what to do iam sure the shit that flies across there desk would be horrifying and probably pretty comical

[mysteriousNicholas]

@dwreborn I'd only work for the comical 📚😈👍🥳 if I had a choice in job specifics ✅👍

[mysteriousNicholas]

@dwreborn not the DV or other type serious cases of divorce aka domestic violence etc ,- anyways ,

[mysteriousNicholas]

@dwreborn anyways back to reality - night night ✌️😃🌌

[dwreborn]

No both of our parents are still together we have been together since high school she has been my only relationship I know I sound pathetic by I just fell in love with her and have been ever since none of us has ever cheated our kid still has 4 years left of school dont know what to say she just lost feelings we have both done bad things to each other maybe she can't let go of something I did is what it is grieve cry whatever you gotta do I will to be happy again

[Natasha1995]

There probably was an underlying issue that hasn't been dealt with for a long time, basically because of kids being around. Some couples decide to stay together for the sake of their kids, so they won't have to go through their parents' divorce, which can be traumatic during their teenage years.

[blackeagle007]

I really don’t get why people stay on a sinking ship like this for so long? How is staying together going to make things better for the kids? Watching their parents yell at each other a lot? Oh yea that’s real healthy to see

[dwreborn]

Exactly if my wife and I decide to make this work it would be because of us not our kid we have already had the talk with her about everything and she can sense when we are not happy and that's not a good environment for kids

[dwreborn]

Luckily we are at peace with whatever happens so we don't scream and fight hardly at all

[fantasticass]

Some couples grow together in their marriage, some couples grow apart in the marriage and stay together for convenience. My girlfriend was married for 42 year's. When her last daughter moved out, she had the divorce paperwork started the same day. Divorce would of been very messy with the kids at home, so they decided to divorce when the kids moved out. ✌️

[altaboy]

Raising your children is a commitment that is more important than your own happiness. A lot of people will set aside their differences in order to devote themselves to the task. Once the children are old enough to to move out, then the parents are finally able to do what they want, and often than means splitting up.

That is the way I feel, anyway. My kids come first.

[Twalli]

It actually mostly happens when both are retired and spend a lot of time at home. Most married people aren't they type who enjoy spending 24/7 with their SO. Work allows them to limit that time. Not having that separation can cause relationships to fail.
"Option A, spend quarantine with your wife and kids or Option B, -"
"Option B"

[genericname85]

no it's that you don't have to pretend to have a working relationship anymore so your children can have proper role models. so that's why you stop doing it at that point when they've moved out to be able to live by themself.

[supercutebutt]

No. They hated each other throughout their marriage but stayed together so the kids would have two parents in the house.

[DrPepper12]

They discover their reason for being together is no longer applicable & they've grown apart. Retirement & empty nest is a kick to the balls for your sense of self & identity.

[WhitneySnow]

No it’s because they were staying together for the kids

[mysteriousNicholas]

@WhitneySnow snap - aka ditto - 😄 and I didn't read other answers before my own -

[seeyounexttuesday]

More than likely a good majority of their marriage is based around child rearing. They have a hard time adjusting to being a "couple" again. Or they always had problems but stayed together for the kdis.

[AgentG111]

They are done raising kids together and they completed their goal and can now move and be happy without another human holding them back.

Life's short live it up!

[Phoenix98]

They stay together for the sake of the kids.

[Vegasrunner]

Lot of men wait until the kid reaches 18 to avoid child support.

[Staximus]

They're done with each other's bullshit

[mysteriousNicholas]

@staximus and someone's gotta keep divorce lawyers employed 🥳🥳🥳

[jahaims]

They stayed together for the kids