Is it normal for a married couple to separate once the kids are grown and out of the house?

[Finchie40]

Lately , I have been meeting a lot of divorced women, they say they are divorced and I meet women that are separated from their husbands , that said they went there own ways , when the kids were out of the house , Empty Nesters pretty much , Is it normal just to give up on your marriage, because the kids moved out? What’s the point of even getting married , if you plan on leaving each other, once the kids are grown? Isn’t the whole purpose of marriage to stay together until death do us part? How would you feel if you married partner, told you they now want to go their own way and live their own life once the kids are out of the house? Would you be ok baby , I understand , I wish the best for you, or would you be like you F’ing SELFISH BITCH!!! Thanks for pretending you loved me all these years

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My parents live separately but are not divorced. My dad visits my mom three times a week or more, because he works other times.

Yesterday, we had the video call on and I saw them hugging and kissing each other, I was happy because they have had a lot of problems in their marriage but they still love and appreciate each other’s presence.

Last year, My dad had a surgery when they were temporarily separated, my mom ditched everything and took care of him for two months after surgery. So is my dad, whenever my mom needs him, he’s always there.

Yes, it’s not ideal that they don’t live together, but it works for them better that way, because my mom takes care of her mom in the village and my dad lives at our home in the city, because he has always worked there.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

We have left home but they now have a pup and my grandma they take care of together.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Now they are spending holidays together for 3 weeks.

[Finchie40]

Well that sounds like to me , that your parents’ are still in love. I am mainly speaking of married couples that separate on bad terms , basically one of them once to be selfish and the other wants to still be together

[jennifer_bloom]

I think it could be the men did not value them after the kids were full grown because they did not have a career or source of income to justify their absorption of the family resources. It's wrong to abandon a woman when she is poor and no longer able to give birth but many people do things that they are not supposed to do.

[lightbulb27]

happens a lot and even before kids are out of the house I would think... around 0-5 many occur. The "til death do you part" is a kind of threat to attempt to keep two divergent brains functioning in the same family unit for long time. It works sometimes.

The issue being stress, challenge, freedom and maybe growing apart. The cure... another topic.

I cannot say I've seen women just waltz out the door... quite a few divorces driven by the men, so I don't think this is fair. Maybe it's regional, environmental... e. g. women get to talking in some areas?

[OlderAndWiser]

I have never had any divorce client who married with the conscious, deliberate, and predetermined plan of divorcing. I have had clients who got married, had children, then decided they were not happy together but they remained married until their children were grown and living independently.

[AviatorTom]

That's exactly what happened to me and my then-wife. After 20 years and 3 kids, who were now old enough to take care of themselves, we separated, and amicably divorced.

In hindsight, the main reaason we got married was so we could raise a family, and when that was no longer happening, we realized there wasn't much between us.

She has remarried and I have an SO... so it wasn't a bad thing.

[RavVid]

Yes there is a big blip at about 20 years when the kids move out. Not as big a blip as there is at 8 years when the average 1.7 children make it to elementary school and the husband is less useful.

I would feel quite short changed at hearing I love you for 20 years until I'm not as useful anymore.

Has this happened to you?

Just as I don't repeat my own mistakes and expect different results each time, I am not inclined to duplicate other men's mistakes and expect different results to what they got.

So don't marry and don't have kids and keep all your own assets is my attitude.

[Anonymous]

It’s not normal, but it is common. Some people get married and stay together only because they had kids. Some people invest so much into their kids they forget to invest in their spouse, and when the kids are grown they find they no longer have anything in common with their spouse.

[Finchie40]

Yup sounds like my ex , she always put the kids in front of me , and treated me like I was just a paycheck , but before we had kids she treated me like Gold , but after we had kids I was no longer her priority , if I expressed my feelings of concern to her , she would act like I was insane that I actually had feelings as well and that I was crazy for making her my priority. And how dare me for trying to be intimate and affectionate with her , I was always denied , until it was convenient for her , but before kids I was never denied so as time went on it just gotten worse and worse to the point I no longer had a spouse , I had a room mate that used me and took me for granted. I prayed to God every day to save our marriage and family but it just got worse especially , when she decided to have an affair with a Co worker , that’s when I finally threw in the towel and told her to Go F herself , That was 5 years ago and she is still
Trying to get me back , I just laugh

[Opinion Owner]

I’m very sorry that happened to you. The greatest gift a woman can give to her children is to love their father. I’m not married yet, but will be some day, and I can’t fathom why people would neglect their spouses.

[Finchie40]

Because sadly a lot of people in general are selfish , and only really care about themselves , they don’t know how to govern the same way they want to receive , it’s pretty
Much their way or no way selfish mindset , thinking grass is greener on the other side

[Likes2drive]

Those people probably just stayed married for the kids instead of putting them through a terrible divorce and splitting up, it’s very rare for any couple to stay married until one of them dies, average marriage is usually 7-10 years so it’s usually a temporary thing in America, my ex wife is still married to her new husband of 7 years and the kids have been gone for several years already

[Finchie40]

Yea sadly it seems a lot of marriages don’t make it the long haul especially these days , with how selfish people have become , I blame social media for a lot of the reasons behind it. When I meet a married couple these days , that said they been married for 20 years or more , I am in complete shock , that they made it that long , it’s sad that it’s this way these days. If people put their fucking phones down and stopped comparing their lives to others and made each other their top priority , marriages would last , relationships would last , but sadly so many people these days , have selfish mindsets, that think the grass is greener on the other side. If couples learned to remove selfishness from inside themselves and learned to stop pointing fingers at their partners before pointing at themselves first , Relationships and Marriages and Love will last the long haul , but sadly so many fucking people on this planet , are selfish fucking people that only care about themselves and what they think is best for themselves instead of actually giving a fuck about how their partner truly feels. No relationship is perfect , because none of us is perfect , but if you choose each other and choose to fix what is broken between you both , your relationship will more than likely survive period. But instead there is a shit ton of people that don’t grasp this concept , or don’t understand this concept because they allowed themselves to be drawn in to all the nonsense they see and hear about on social media. Most people sadly do not Know how to give the same way they want to receive , they think they know but truly they don’t They only think what is best for themselves. Which sadly will make them never experience true Love with someone if they choose to keep that selfish mind set. I honestly feel bad for his generation and the next to come , mainly because I didn’t grow up with this technology at the palm of my hands, these kids are growing up like it’s normal to know

[Finchie40]

What’s going on in everyone’s lives , and what’s going on around the world. Me personally didn’t grow up that way , I didn’t give 2 shits what was going on in someone else’s life , or what was happening in other parts of the world at all times , I was just happy and content and played outside with my friends , not really having a care in the world , when I met a beautiful girl , I immediately cherished her and didn’t think any negative thoughts about her cheating on me or secretly talking to other guys’ behind my back , and she felt the same about me. We weren’t bombarded by all this nonsense , we actually valued each other more , but sadly these days people don’t have that much anymore , why so many relationships are failing because people have become way more selfish and don’t really appreciate the things they have right in front of them , they rather grasp onto something they don’t have instead. Sadly I see this world getting worse and worse , and feel technology is going to destroy this civilization and relationships , Marriage will probably be a thing of the past before we know it , people will be screwing robots before they know it. We the people are dumb people , it’s sad that we are allowing this to happen to us , allowing a piece of shit Government to control us that was so rigged from the start , like so many other things we accept and allow to happen to us , it’s just going to get worse , because none of us has the balls to stand up and fight it , we just accept whatever shit comes our way and think we can get through it because we are all a bunch of pussies , if people honestly put their phones down and looked at the world around them they will realize we are really nothing on this planet , Because nobody really gives a shit about each other , it’s more about money and popularity over anything, But the true reality of it all is we are nothing, but lazy motherfuckers that want everything handed to us , People don’t want to work anymore , people want

[Likes2drive]

Selfishness plays a big part, my ex cheated on me, nothing to do with social media , she met him at her job but when things got bad financially she just of herself instead of working it out and making a plan to fix things

[Finchie40]

Everything handed to them without lifting a finger , look at our job market declining , look at the cost of things rising , we are allowing this shit to happen because we are a bunch of pansies , if we all stood together and not against each other , this world would be a much better place , but sadly we can not get everyone of us on the same page , we will all be dead before we know it sadly to say , I am at a point in life that I don’t want to die, but I am not scared to die , when my time is up , I am ready because I see no positives going forward on this planet , we were put here to find true love with someone , now we are here to be selfish and backstab each other and to survive and not give a fuck about anything else , This society has gone to hell in a hand basket , it would be a miracle if things actually gotten better for us , I see no hope for the future

[Finchie40]

Same thing happened to me , with my ex, she had an affair with a co worker as well , but social media was definitely involved with it because she was secretly communicating with him on there behind my back keeping it a secret, if it wasn’t for social media and cell phones I probably wouldn’t of busted her like I did , little did she realize her social media and cell phone was a tracking device , I was able to bust her red handed meeting the POS at a hotel , So people think they can be secretive on their phones but little do they realize it will dig their grave from all The evidence they were able to find on her secretly chatting with this other guy. Just because you delete something don’t think it’s not traceable , why I no longer date a girl that is very secretive with her phone , if she acts weird with her phone , I won’t tolerate her lying bullshit , I have no problem giving her My phone because I know I am not a lying dishonest POS , My ex was inseparable with me until she got addicted to Facebook , Once she was glued To Facebook my marriage started declining because she was being brained washed by all the nonsense she was reading and hearing about , she stopped prioritizing me and started prioritizing people that weren’t even really part of her life , her old friends she probably would of never seen again etc. All of a sudden these people were her priority , she became very selfish and made things all about her , I pretty much watched her change right before my eyes on how distant and selfish she become , she started comparing me to other men , and making comments that that’s the life she deserves , I knew things were going the wrong direction and knew something was off. But thanks to those social media apps and her cell phone , I was able to win the case and she got nothing because she was a Cheating Whore

[Likes2drive]

Well because of no-fault divorce and we had kids it really didn’t make a difference whether she was cheating or not and I got stuck paying child support for five years and it was a lot of money. Plus I lost everything I had except personal items and I’m still to this day trying to find my own place again

[Finchie40]

Praying for you my man , things actually turned out better for me , I got a promotion at my job , and I been living comfortably , she regrets everything she did and has been trying to get me back , I just laugh

[Likes2drive]

At least she regrets what she did, my ex never says anything about it and got married to the guy two weeks after the divorce was finalized. The only thing I hear is from my kids is that she says I was the nicer one, I thing she married him for convenience because he bought a house with her and pays for almost everything. I still don’t have my own place but at least have a financial future which I wouldn’t with her or a retirement plan

[DextroShade]

On the one had I will applaud the woman for sticking around to do right by her kids. However, these women often think the grass is greener on the other side, but by this time they have hit the wall and the quality of the men available to them has massively declined. They think can do better than their husband but most of the time they can't. The husband however can do better if he's got his money right.

[AutumnSerenity]

I wouldn’t say it’s normal - I know of plenty of married couples who remained together even after the kids left. Sounds like this couple you’re referring to was desperate to part ways and simply stayed for the kids.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Seems like a common plan nowadays.

Hell, it's what I would do if I longer wanted to be with my wife - wait for the twins to turn 18, and serve her the papers after the birthday cake.

[HelpfulWoman]

i don't think many actually plan on ending a marriage just because of kids growing up.
this question feels pretty ignorant and lacking in some common sense.

[DizzyDesii]

Shit if thats the case then im leaving no matter how old the kids are. People can successfully coparent. No need to stick around just until the gets have aged up and left

[sheikalana]

I'd say that is more common for married couples to separate while the kids are still young rather than when they're grown and out of the house but anything can happen honestly.

[LazerBean]

Not that I've seen, but I would not be surprised if it does become more normal. Older millennials are a generation of mega failures.

[Crankor]

It's normal because parents stop prioritizing their own relationship. If one of the parents has that toxic mind set of kids come first before all else then ofcourse it will end in a loveless relationship just waiting for a divorce

[OddBeMe]

The 50% stat comes into play somehow. I think it’s religion teaching people not to live together before marriage and then being pissed at how dirty they are afterward.

[KrakenAttackin]

It's not just a little split and each goes away happy. She divorce raped him, gets the house, car, half+, alimony, and whatever else the court feels like giving her.

[exitseven]

I guess it happens but I would not say it is normal.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope.