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I started dating a coworker people suggested I get to know. I had just come out of a breakup and wasn’t that interested at first, but we got closer and eventually started dating. Around that time, my mom passed away, and I was emotionally wrecked. The relationship was fun initially, but there were red flags—I felt the 7-year age gap (28 to 21) and different paces caused tension.
We had great trips and shared unique moments, but we started arguing. She felt I wasn’t prioritizing her and I felt she was too clingy. I didn’t take her on many dates and admittedly took the relationship for granted. On her birthday, we traveled to her hometown, but I didn’t get her a gift—though I told her I had, just to avoid a fight. A month later, still no gift, we fought again, and she asked for space. Citing the gift as the main reason everything went south.
After a week, I bought her the gift, but she ended things, citing a pattern of feeling unvalued: the fat jokes, no birthday gift, the lie, and the lack of effort. She said she still cared about me but didn’t want a relationship anymore. I pleaded a little, but we broke up on mostly respectful terms.
Later, when the gift arrived, I told her I wanted to give it to her and apologize properly. She said it was too late, and that it felt like a slap in the face. I got jealous seeing her with another coworker and asked a mutual if anything was going on—she told my ex, who called me upset, saying I was crossing boundaries and involving others unnecessarily.
Now we still see each other at work sometimes. I want to move forward, but wonder: how do I handle this without making it awkward? Is this beyond repair? Should she have shown more grace, considering I was grieving the loss of my mom?
We had great trips and shared unique moments, but we started arguing. She felt I wasn’t prioritizing her and I felt she was too clingy. I didn’t take her on many dates and admittedly took the relationship for granted. On her birthday, we traveled to her hometown, but I didn’t get her a gift—though I told her I had, just to avoid a fight. A month later, still no gift, we fought again, and she asked for space. Citing the gift as the main reason everything went south.
After a week, I bought her the gift, but she ended things, citing a pattern of feeling unvalued: the fat jokes, no birthday gift, the lie, and the lack of effort. She said she still cared about me but didn’t want a relationship anymore. I pleaded a little, but we broke up on mostly respectful terms.
Later, when the gift arrived, I told her I wanted to give it to her and apologize properly. She said it was too late, and that it felt like a slap in the face. I got jealous seeing her with another coworker and asked a mutual if anything was going on—she told my ex, who called me upset, saying I was crossing boundaries and involving others unnecessarily.
Now we still see each other at work sometimes. I want to move forward, but wonder: how do I handle this without making it awkward? Is this beyond repair? Should she have shown more grace, considering I was grieving the loss of my mom?
What Girls Said
You never ever fornicate with a coworker. That is the first rule in a company. This will only create issues (as you do realize by now). Jealousy and preferred treatment is usually what is causing problems with having an affair with a coworker.
The red flag is not so much the age difference of 7 years. It is a known fact that women tend to be more mature by up to 3 years compared to men of the same age.
You have made a number of mistakes and now, you are paying for those. Your best bet is to move forward and forget about this coworker.
Indeed, grieving a lost family member can impact a relationship and this fact simply just added to the situation. I am sorry for your loss.
Yikes!