My ex has been drinking himself silly since our break up.

[punchxcore]

Okay, he used to never log into Facebook and update his status messages, but ever since we've been broken up, he makes it a point to update his status message every day or two. The night we broke up (it was all him) he changed it to "Drunk as f*ck. Was sober, but then became single and drunk", and last night he changed his status to "Brandon says the liver is evil and must be punished". Now to me it sounds like he is drinking away his problems. He was never like that when we were together. Does it sound like he is doing it for attention or something, the whole constantly updating his status, cause he never used to before? He used to update his status maaaybe once or twice a month. I commented in response to his status message last night and told him that alcohol isn't going to solve anything or make problems disappear, and he is only going to be hurting himself. I made it quite clear after our break up that I do still care about him. Even though we're not together anymore, I do still care about him and I would hate to see him turn into an alcoholic or worse because he can't cope with what is going on around him. I know some people might say to just move on and not worry about what he is doing, but it's hard when I am watching him destroy his life.

By the way, we broke up because initially he said it was the distance, but then he confessed later that he had a quick kiss with a girl at a bar (apparently has a track record of cheating, which I didn't know how bad it was. I did know he had cheated at least once before) and didn't trust himself for he wasn't sure if he was capable of worse and didn't want our relationship to end like that. I gave him an opportunity to basically try and make things right with me, and he more less passed that right on up. So I don't understand his actions. He said he had been trying to think of excuses to break it off with me during that whole week, and was kicking himself for what he had done. He also said that he fell so deeply in love with me that he wanted to change so bad, but in the end failed. Our conversation ended with him basically telling me that I was one of the best girlfriend's he ever had cause he didn't have to wonder who I was with or what I was doing. I also asked him if he could stay out of the bars and the temptation wouldn't be there, if he would be willing to give us another try? He basically said he has issues with himself he needs to work out, and he doesn't want to be how he is anymore. He said maybe in the future it would work, but not to take it as him leading me on, and if I find someone that makes me happy then to go for it. But he doesn't want to lead me on or hurt me anymore. He kept apologizing and saying that he didn't mean to hurt me and he's sorry for what he did, and he's trying to become a better person and to solve his short comings.

[ally_lucie]

Hey sweetheart,

Alright. Bear with me, as I THINK I may have a lot to say/advise on the matter. Alright, so, firstly, I want to get into the reasoning behind the actions of men. Men cheat. So do women, of course, but let's focus on the men aspect. A lot of men cheat because they are afraid of commitment, or feel they need a change in pattern, and even sometimes because they feel it will empower them in some way that the woman in their present relationship, cannot empower to them. This is more than likely one of the reasons behind which he had paramounted this pattern of cheating on his significant others.

On a note, if he is constantly updating his facebook status into such words, it is more than likely a branch-off of attention. Whether it be YOUR attention, or just any attention. That may very well not be the case, but that is what it seems to be from an outsider's perspective. He may just want you to pay attention to the consequences he is making for himself. From my perspective, he still has feelings for you, and had only broken up with you because he felt he had betrayed you... But again, my perspective can be wrong. Ultimately, it's you who can decide this.

If you have made it clear to him that you still care for him, then there is not much that you can do, sauve encourage him to stop destroying his life-- Express to him that his actions hurt you as well, and sit down with him- Talk to him about the situation. That sounds cliche and typical, of course, and I realize this, but if you give him the chance to express his feelings on the matter of you two breaking up, and why he is acting this way, it will clear a LOT of fog from this predicament between the two of you.

Where he has expressed that he has issues with himself that he has to work through, I would say your best bet is to be there for him. There is no way that you can solve these issues for him, because it is a self-motivated cycle and process, which takes time, commitment, and effort, but let him know that you are there for him.

If you still have feelings for him, make that clear to him as well. He seems to be going through a rough spot right now, and it seems he is having trouble getting out of it. Just stress the fact that he is not alone.

I hope that helped sweetie. Check up with me, and let me know how things go.

Good luck!

-Ally

[Anonymous]

With my ex it was complete insanity he had a lot of emotional abuse at home and over time he was taking out all the abuse he experienced at home on me. He has abused alcohol at home and publicly and has not taken responsibility for the breakup so I had to take the blame on me. There was so many secrets he kept from his family and I think he has also lied and kept his perfect outside world intact so no one could see that he is actually an abused bitter man. I began figuring him out over time and his perfect world stated to fall apart and I was responsible for it. I am a person that knows right from wrong when I saw that I was being hurt and neglected I spoke out and fought. I can say today I am a strong women.

[ivarei]

you can't beat yourself up about it. he initiated the breakup and since you two do live far away, there's nothing you can really do to help him. he's on his own.

it happened to me once also, except I broke up with him and he picked up binge drink and gained about 20 pounds, he's a big boy and he's not my responsibility, and this guy sure as heck ain't yours.

[roadkingp]

Then it means you never loved him in the first place. You cheated him! It is humane to take care of such cases and teach them. Even if it means devoting a small part of your life for the sake of their recovery.

[mo-tahoun]

I understand that you still care for him and that is a normal feeling after a breakup. But it seems to me that he is the one that broke up with you. He could be drinking himself to death for attention. he could just be saying that on his status also for attention from you to see whether you still care or not. it seems to me that he needs a friend So try to be his friend and if you don't feel comfortable with that. Gather some of his guy friends and confront him about his alcohol abuse.

To be honest with you this guy seems like he doesn't know what he wants in life. If he really truly wanted you and loved you he should have been honest and loyal to you. As a human who feels for other people's misery I beg you to hold an alcoholic intervention for him (as his ex-girlfriend). That should show him that you still care for him and if he changes he just might have another chance with you.

Hope I helped with your situation if I did not please ignore everything I said :-)

[Anonymous]

Coming from a family of alcoholics, I suggest cutting yourself free and walking away -- at least until he's sober.

I know It's not easy. It might make you feel torn up inside. But unless they get treatment and stay sober, alcoholics will eventually poison everyone and everything in their life. They'll drag you under, whether emotionally or financially.

Plus, it seems like this guy's trying to let you down gently, in a way. He's apologized upside down and sideways, and he's said it's his fault, but he has issues to sort out.

I know you're in a tough situation. You have my sympathy and prayers.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Alright this is what happend with me when my ex broke up with me, I was with her for 4 years living with her and she thought we were going to get married. Well I drank so much after that for probably 3 weeks not every day but a bottle of jack one weekend, a bottle of vodka the next, I basically hit rock bottom and kept going, yeah it was bad, well I would have kept going until my friend literally had to slap some sense into me, I was bad drunk off my ass by myself every weekend for weeks because no one else knew about the break up. So chances are he is going to drink like crazy and hopefully his buddies know about it, and eventually he will get over it, if you interfere you only make it worse, so don't interact unless it's to the point of where he almost drinks himself to death. Just ignore it have someone on the inside make sure he's not going to do anything stupid.

[kao721]

I'm not gunna write a f***ing essay, I'm very straight-forward. He's doing it for attention. Even if he wasn't, is that someone you want to waste time over worrying about?

Yeah he's destroying his life if all that is really true.. but why should you have to put your life on hold for his immaturity and inability to cope with emotional issues?

[roadkingp]

Help him and make him understand he is doing wrong. I feel it is partly your responsibility. Beacuse I too underwent such a phase but she never helped me and I know how bad that feels.

[Anonymous]

You have nice boobs!