My boyfriend has been complacent lately, what can I do?

[carmelc003]

If you start to call and text a lot and you do it first most of the time will that cause a person (boyfriend in this case) to become complacent and lazy? If so, what are some things you can do to make him not so complacent? I don't want to play games. Should I start to make him work hard for things again? Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years now and I feel like lately I'm the one calling first and texting first. Lately he doesn't reply to many of my texts and he doesn't call back like he says he will and he doesn't plan dates like he use to. I feel like he's become lazy and probably feels like he doesn't have to work as hard as he use to because I giving him things, I'm calling and texting him. I also feel like I don't give him a chance to because I usually do it first (call, etc) I don't want to be the only one doing this anymore and I feel like I need to back off and let him put more effort. he's a great guy and he is sweet but lately he's become complacent and lazy. We spent 4 great years together and made it through hardships and he's been there and stayed with me when I was at my lowest and I did the same for him. How should I handle the situation with out playing games? I don't really want to talk to him about it too much because I don't think talking about things all the time over and over again work, I believe in actions. I believe actions change a situation. But I will bring it to his attention, I just don't want to have a long talk about it. So what can I do on my end (action wise) that will cause him to work harder and put more effort?

[PromeDr13]

Hate to break it to you but from the sounds of it he's lost interest or he has other things on his mind, work school whatever. 4 years is a long relationship, and it takes its toll without progression, moving in together marriage kids etc. Actions are nice but sometimes you need to talk to figure out what actions to take.

I simply suggest bringing it to his attention as you said and go from there, you may like his answer.

[carmelc003]

It doesn't feel like he's lost interest. He still comes to see me and every time we're in each others company it feels nice and its fun. I even asked him a few days ago was he loosing interest o didn't want to be with me because it kinda felt that way and he said its not that and he didn't want me to feel that way. he keeps saying he's been working a lot because he's trying to move out, get his car fixed and get his life in order with work and school.

[carmelc003]

But does that mean we just won't see and talk to each other a lot right now? Should I ask him if can handle both a relationship & getting his life together? I don't want to break up with him and he said he never wants to do that either because he loves me and I'm his everything but at the same time I want him to get his life together. I guess we have to talk about it like you said and see what's best.

[PromeDr13]

Then my advice to just leave him be for a bit. He has to sort things out for himself and you should just be there for him. It may be tough to sit on the side lines but if he is truly just preoccupied by life right now, it's probably best. Talk to him but I wouldn't ask if he can handle both you and life right now. Just make sure he knows you're there for him and will help when he needs/wants it. I wish you both luck.

[carmelc003]

Thank you. But should I tell him that it bothers me when he doesn't text me back or call me back. Should I tell him that I don't like when he goes MIA for a couple days at a time because he's stressed about things in his life? I would rather him tell me that he's stress at that moment not days later. Should I bring these things up and to his attention when I talk to him again?

[carmelc003]

And thank you for the advice. It really means a lot to me. I really love him but I don't know how to handle this situation. I never went through something like this before. It bothers me that he doesn't call me back and stuff and it kinda makes me sad because I want to be there for him and I know he's trying to get himself together but he's being alil distant this past month or so because he's stressed. I know he's stressed but at the same time he can't brush me off. I don't like that, you know.

[PromeDr13]

I would say just be honest with him.Let him know it bothers you/worries you when he goes MIA, but if he is that busy it may still be hard for him to find time right then and there. I know you understand he is busy but giving him time to sort things out and just being there for him when he needs it is probably the best you can do for him. I feel like we are dancing in circles but this is just my advice as a guy what I would like to make such a long lasting relationship work.

[PromeDr13]

I've never had a relationship last anywhere near that long, so I'm not speaking from experience just instinct so take it with a grain of salt. I enjoy helping especially since I believe in what the two of you seem to have. I still say just talk with him, and he's being distant because of all that is on his plate. Help him when you can but he needs to figure this out. There's really not much you can do. Good luck and keep me posted.

[carmelc003]

Thank you for your in put. I did talk to him, I told him how I felt and he agreed that he shouldn't do things like that. Then he also proceeded to tell me that he has gotten caught up and in trouble, hanging out with the wrong people. Ever since then he's been really loving and nice towards me. And he calls and texts me all the time now. I try not to think of it because I just want to enjoy the time I have with him because you never know if tomorrow is promised.

[carmelc003]

But it has crossed my mind that, Did he change and think differently because he could loose everything. I don't understand why sometimes people have to come close to loosing things in life to realize things and what they have. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't ask myself so many questions, maybe I should just enjoy the time we share now, especially since this is what I wanted for so long, for things to be how they use to be and better. Thank you again, I appreciated your advice =)

[PromeDr13]

My guess is you are over thinking things. Enjoy it and keep working on it. It's possible that he did change his act after your talk. The sad truth is that people often don't realize what they have until its gone or it's in the process of being taken.