As these problems grew, I tried talking to him a few times. He would apologize and promise we'd fix them, but he never did anything. At some point he started getting annoyed if I tried talking about it again. These got worse, his alcohol problem grew and kept at it. I was very hurt at this point. Eventually, we broke up.
By then, I had accidentally met someone. I wasn't looking for a new guy because I didn't feel like doing it so soon, but his personality really caught my attention because it matched with pretty much all I look for in a guy. Things slowly fell by their own weight, and after some weeks we decided to give us a chance and take things as slowly as possible.
A few weeks afterward, my ex contacted me. In tears, he apologized, said he was changing, he really loved me and asked me for a second chance. After listening to him I was a bit shaken up and even considered it for some moments, but I rejected him because I couldn't really believe he'd changed in such a short time. Besides, that'd have been unfair for the new guy.
However, I've been dealing with nostalgia and confusion. My friends and my own mind say that even if things happened a bit fast, I've done well by taking a decision and staying true to it. Also, things have been going really well with the new guy, so I know I shouldn't look back, but I can't help but wonder "what if I gave him a second chance". After all, earlier on our relationship I was the faulty one, I worked in it and he did give me a second chance. His problems were heavier than mine though, but it was probably unfair of me to not give him a chance. Also, he's a good friend of my cousin and brothers, so running into each other from time to time is inevitable.
Despite it all, I do keep him as a dear person. I feel I could probably even go back to him should things happen the right way in the future, but I guess now's not the moment for that.
However, staying true to my own decisions has been complicated at best, and I keep wondering if I've done the right thing. I sometimes feel awkward around the new guy, while my ex is known, comfortable and has the "long time, deep bond" factor. On the other hand, New Guy has been great and deserves better.
My ex was my first boyfriend so I'm new at these kind of things. I'm sure I didn't do things the best way possible, but at every time I gave it a lot of thought and took the option that seemed best. It's just probably that knowing how my ex feels, I'm having some doubts and want to look back. A part of me misses him and thinks things will get better if I gave him a second chance. Yet..I think I'll be stuck wondering "what if" no matter what I do.
What to do?:(