I have become antisocial since the breakup

My ex and I had a really good relationship for almost a year. We had very strong feelings for each other. But he's 24 (i'm 27), and he felt like he wasn't ready to commit to anyone in his life right now. He has to finish grad school, start business school and find a job (and move around a lot), before he can commit to someone. He said he got scared of our relationship, never saw it ending, and can't handle a relationship that serious right now.

I was very sad and angry for the first 6 months. I had to see him everyday at work which didn't help. He still wants to be friends. But I am angry he threw away our strong feelings. Now all have for each other, are mild crushes, if anything. I still like him, but I don't think he likes me like that anymore. Does it mean we were not meant to be if my feelings have got less intense over the time?

It has been almost 9 months since the breakup. I have forgiven him. Don't feel as angry. Also, I work mostly at the library, so I don't have to see him everyday. However, I find that I am not interested in anyone anymore. I am happy being by myself, all alone. I don't enjoy going out with lots of random people...only with a few close girlfriends very rarely. And I can't imagine being interested in another boy!

Anyone else felt like you need some alone time after a breakup? Does it go away? I am afraid I will stay antisocial forever, and never meet a new guy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • breaking up is just a process. Everyone can react differently and based on how you described the relationship it does sound like it would be a particularly difficult breakup to go through.

    I think the anti-social feelings will go away but it may just take time. You should force yourself at times to reach out to and hang out with friends. It may seem like an arduous task but it would be good for you. Essentially a bad breakup can result in feeling depressed (trust me I've been there), you kind of have to make an effort to find against being anti-social. I mean alone time and reflection are definitely good especially after a relatinship but you want to make sure that you at least make some effort to social...it will ultimately help you process all the emotions that you are dealing with and friends can be a great source of comfort


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes,m it's normal and probably healthy to be byyourself at times, especially after a breakup taht leaves you bitter and angry.

    Personally, I don't understand ;peol;ple who wait until their life is 'settled' before they commit to anyone. guess what, life is never 'settled...'

    I think you have realized he never had really deep regard for you, if he can end things just ecause he isn't through with grad school yet.

    So now you don't trust any guys at all, about anything. Totally normal reaction.

    You also don't trust your own judgment, and that's also normal after such an experience!

    Just enjoy your own company, until you can put this experience in perspective, and can feel; secure you won't wind up with someone similar if you let yourself flirt with someone new.

  • It will go away.

    You should just start going out a lot and hanging out with your friends.

    Find a new guy of interest.


What Girls Said 1

  • I can so relate to this - I was in relationships consistantly since I was 16 (three serious boyfriends before it started going wrong) then I reached a point where I kind of decided I was done - hung out with friends and got on with my life, gave up on guys. The anti-social thing is part growing up I think if I'm honest. I'm your age and I prefer to just see those I can chill out with and not have to make an effort. If you want to get out there a bit then either pick a hobby, but best thing you can do is say yes to any party event, and don't worry about finding a guy - they'll find you. You've clearly done the hardest thing already - decided you're happy on your own. ;-)


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