Ex girlfriend says we are soul mates

[Anonymous]

She broke up with me in January. Now she is getting in touch again and says we are soul mates. She also told how great times we had and she really cherishes those moments. She has a new boyfriend but she told me that she isn't sure does she love him or not. She is contacting me every day via texts or calls and says we are soul mates and we have unique connection. What's this? Does she still love me?

Updates

+1 y

+ obviously she is hiding this communication from her new boyfriend, long calls full of laugh, texts etc... I'm not sure if I want her back but does she want me back?

Updates

+1 y

She also googled "soulmates" and wrote me a long sms about that topic. She says we have all the signs that true soulmates have and this is something very special. But she is still with her new bf...

[HungryDemon]

Shes leading her current boyfriend on (emotional cheating even), regardless of her feelings for YOU it's still something to consider. Seems a bit fishy does it not? If I were you I wouldn't look back, if she's willing to toy with another man's emotions for you, who says she won't toy with your emotions for another?

All in all, it's up to you whether you want to take this risk, but I advise you to consider what I've said and just be careful. Sometimes something too good to be true may have hidden intent.

Good luck!

[CrystalMinds]

I think it's quite obvious she still loves you. I wouldn't get in touch with an ex and tell him we're soulmates if I didn't want him back.

[Asker]

Yeah, maybe that is her purpose, but she still wants to continue with this new guy. She called again and said that yes, she likes him very much, but doesn't know if she REALLY loves him. She also said that she doesn't have that enourmous "spark" she had with me, and she said I am the only one who truly can understand her...

[CrystalMinds]

Do you fancy getting back together with her? If you're not, tell her to stop talking like this, that it won't change anything and you two aren't getting back together. It's like she's keeping her new guy as a back up for if you say no. If you do fancy getting back together with her, tell her.

[Asker]

Well this is a hard question. I think somewhere deep in my heart I want to get back together with her. Anyway, do you think it's safe to tell her that now? I mean, if I said it two months ago, she would freak out and say NO WAY! But now, when she has been dating this new guy for several weeks, her attitude has changed towards me. Perhaps she realized how much she acutally likes me (compares me to the new guy). After sometime I will tell her.

[CrystalMinds]

If I were you, I'd tell her when she finishes things with the new guy. But I wouldn't force her or ask her when/if she'll end it, that's her decision.

[Asker]

Absolutely, that's her decision. I give her space and time and let's see what happens... it's obvious things can't continue in this way. Yesterday when she drove to new guy's place, she spent 30minutes on phone with me. And "good night" sms too. It's obvious she misses me and that new guy isn't so perfect, I give her time and I never rush her!

[CrystalMinds]

That's good, but she needs to make a decision, but that's just my opinion...

[Asker]

Of course, she can't continue calling me and saying "we are soul mates" and then again she is with this new guy... there will be decisions over the time. Let's see. Very interesting situation however..

[CrystalMinds]

Maybe she is waiting on a move from you? Her new boyfriend is her back up then..

[Asker]

May be, I didn't think it that way, it may be possible, though. I always thought I am the back up plan.. She was so cold and distant, but now when this new guy has been in the picture... so totally different and "like always before". If she gives more signs, I will make a move... and take things slow

[CrystalMinds]

When she goes all: "oh we're soulmates", you're not a back up. Feels like she's just holding on to her new guy because you haven't given her a sign that you want her back. But as long as she's together with him and not showing serious interest, no need to rush ;)

[Asker]

Hehe, well yeah, it seems so... but it could it be that way now? If you can help, I could give you more details (I can add you as a friend)

[CrystalMinds]

You could put the updates here, then you'll get more insights. I'm just giving my point of view, which could be totally wrong as well :)

[Asker]

Yes, but it's good to get different point of views. The thing is, I messed up our wonderful love cause I became too needy, jealous, possessive.. I started to fear "what if I lose this someday?". My behavior changed. Sounds it doesn't make sense, but that's the way it was. So that's why I don't want to show any signs of neediness any more. She gave me a good lesson and I learnt a lot. Now I'm that "old me" again and the appeal is back.

[Asker]

+ when se broke up with me, she said "if you are so weak, you aren't perfect for me. You have really changed" and I know exactly what went wrong. I learnt a lot and I feel I'm even better guy than I used to be for two years, perhaps she has realized it and compares me to that new guy now. She also mentioned that no one could understand her as I do and there's not that "spark" she had with me... I wanna take things very slow now and if our love is fixable, then... perfect! :)

[CrystalMinds]

Could be that it's that, and when you get clingy or needy again, she'll be upset or annoyed again.

[Asker]

Yap, the positive thing here is that I learnt a lot and I WON'T get clingy or needy again. Also, she mentioned that her new guy doesn't understand her jokes. She thinks her jokes are so bad that no one could understand, but in fact, I enjoy her jokes and we have some unique connection, as she stated. She also wrote that "we will be soul mates forever". Anyway, I will take things slow and not rush, if she gives more signs perhaps it's time for me to suggest a meeting.

[Asker]

Oh, just one more funny (and strange) thing that she mentioned to me. It's hard to explain, but there's a little village near her new guy's place, and the name of that village reminds my name AND the town I live in. She said that "maybe that's a sign about something?!".. I asked "do you really think it's a sign?"... she said "well definetely, it has to be.. it can't be just some coincidence".. I feel that there's very deep thinking she is going through now..

[CrystalMinds]

Or so she wants you to think. Look, if she was so into you and thought you really were soulmates, and if she doesn't love the guy, she should've already been running back to you... That's just my opinion. Could be that it's not that easy for her, though I really don't see the problem, she doesn't love her boyfriend, she loves you, though she still doesn't break up with him and run back to you...

[Asker]

You have very good points there. I am thinking the same scenarios and that's why it's so confusing. She seems to have very deep love for me, but she is still with this new guy. Well, we were very close and we still are and I know her, so I think it could be that it's not easy for her to leave this new guy. She can't make that kind of big decision immediately... I think she is confused, perhaps regretting her decision, and doesn't want to hurt this new guy. But this situation can't be forever!

[Asker]

+ I think she really REALLY wants to see that "old me" and wants to make sure that I'm going to be that always... she also said that she has been thinking that can she ever fall in love again, or if it's just once in a lifetime. I asked her "do you think we will get back together?" and she answered "well, you never know, perhaps..."... and very sensitive voice she had

[CrystalMinds]

You can't expect a person to never change, people change it's what happens. I can't keep saying the same thing, I just feel that, if she really wanted to be with you and if she really loved you, she wouldn't keep that new guy hanging on and go all loveydovey on you without taking action.

[Asker]

She called again, we talked over one hour and in the end she admitted that she misses me, she couldn't say it first but then she had to say it and she became veeery sensitive, I heard almost crying in her voice. And again, those same soul mate blaa blaa things. We have been thinking about face-to-face meeting now... she said that she isn't sure what she wants right now, but it's clear things arent't perfect with this new guy. Also, she said our sex was... something special too!

[CrystalMinds]

Again, like I said: "if she really wanted to be with you and if she really loved you, she wouldn't keep that new guy hanging on and go all loveydovey on you without taking action."

That's all I can say about it. It's good that you share details and updates, but nothing happens. She keeps on telling you the same things, staying with her boyfriend and flirting with you.

[CrystalMinds]

She can say the soul mate thing over and over again, crying, being sensitive, missing you, confessing to you. But does it make a difference? No. Because nothing happens.

[CrystalMinds]

So she either doesn't want to be with you so badly as she claims, or she does love the new guy, or she's stringin you along. If it was that complicated, talk to her about it face to face. Ask her why she keeps on telling you the same things over and over again, but nothing happens. Words are easy.

[Asker]

We will meet someday, and then talk about this for sure. I asked her that doesn't her boyfriend get mad/jealous or anything, and if he finds out about this.. she said that never mind, if her boyfriend will get angry or something. She said I'm the best person she knows and she wouldn't let me go. I said if you have to choose... she would choose me!

[CrystalMinds]

Then why doesn't she choose? Just meet up with her and talk about this face to face to get a decent answer and then finally you'll know where you stand, because this can't go on forever.

[Asker]

Yeah, we are planning to meet. It's difficult for her to choose, I know it because I know her. It's a huge indicator that se agreed to meet, and then we will talk about this face to face to get a decent answer. This can't go on forever and it's quite obvious she will choose me (she already said it on the phone, not directly but I can read between the lines)

[Asker]

It just takes some time, anyway, if things aren't so great with this new guy, as she always says, it can't go on forever, sooner or later she'll be here, and I will know for sure after out meeting! She also said that if I didn't become too jealous/controlling/possessive, we would still be together

[CrystalMinds]

It's like she's putting all blame for breaking up on you, she shouldn't do that either. But hey, glad things will work out and good luck with your meeting with her :)

[Asker]

We haven't met yet, but it's coming soon... we'll discuss about the date. Anyway, she called today again, out of the blue. We had a great time on the phone again. I also asked her straight that doesn't her boyfriend get annoyed, jealous, angry about this...and what if he wants her to stop contacting me, what would she do then? She answered that she would leave this guy. I said "choose, ME OR HIM?!?!" she replied "well... I don't know... well... I would choose YOU".

[CrystalMinds]

Just see how the date goes, I'll just keep on repeating myself.

[Hannah591]

It's obvious she still loves you and wants you back. She misses you but it's bad of her to lead on her current boyfriend. If you love her back, then offer to rekindle your relationship!

[jessik424]

I think by breaking up and dating someone else, she realized how much she actually likes you. She sounds like she may even be in love with you.

[Anonymous]

She still has feelings for you. Ask her if she wants to get back together or something. Because it is obvious something is wrong there with her new guy. And if you don't want her calling and texting you every day let her now.