Why does my ex girlfriend have a hard time making eye contact?

[Brandon87]

So we was together for 11 months but she left me because we had our problems and couldn't stop arguing so she leaves me and goes right into a rebound relationship. To make a long story short after one months she comes crawling back and she says her life is a mess and she has made a big mistake and wants to try and work things out. We have met 2 times so far and talked about things and I have noticed sometimes she has a hard time keeping eye contact with me. I know she's ashamed of her self and maybe that's why. what do you all think?

[Anonymous]

this sounds just like me and my ex. Except I never dated after him, I isolated myself and was depressed. Basically I can't make eye contact or open up to him because I have no idea what he thinks about me... maybe he thinks I cheated on him and that's why I broke up with him... I don't know if he still likes me, he flirts but maybe he just wants sex now and lost all respect for me. He is distant too... if he opened up it would be much easier for me to open up... right now our trust is pretty much gone... I don't know what to do because I still really love him and care about him. It seems like every time I try to communicate or open up he just puts up a wall, each time he acts cold, my self esteem just gets ruined.. When the topic of sex comes up, then his energy goes up, so maybe he just wants to use me now. For now I am ignoring him, its too much stress on my heart.

[Brandon87]

I hear you. just hang in there and don't be his fool. communication is great and me and my girlfriend lack in that a bit but we are working on it because without communication nothing will ever work

[DivaMonae]

Yeah, she's ashamedof herself.

Either she still has strong feelings for you still and wants to work them out, and feels stupid for leaving you in the first place. (she probably can't look at you because many guys look intimidating in the face especially the eyes or smile, so while you're talking she's probably thinking he's bragging I was right in his head or here she I'd crawling back) But I'm sure you're not that type of guy.

Or after leaving you and crawling back she realizes why she left you in the first place. While you guys are together her mind is off somewhere else , or she can't look you in the eyes because she wants to leave you and doesn't have the heart to hurt you twice.

Whichever one it is you guys have to talk it out, and I'm sure it'll work out for the best =)

I hope this helps,

xoxo Monae

[Brandon87]

Thank you... I could tell she was ashamed of what she did.. I knew she would be back but I never told her I thought that.. We have been hanging out much more and she has started making eye contact again. She knows her mistakes and she knows I still love her but I told her she would need to earn her trust back with me because right now I am having a hard time trusting her so she says " I know I made a mistake and I will prove to you you can trust me so just watch " so I smiled and said ok.

[DivaMonae]

Awww... I'm glad you guys are working it out, and that it wasn't the other thing I said. Good Luck =)

Cough cough *best answer* Lol jk =P

[RosaliaVanderbilt]

Honestly, it's probably because she's intimidated by you for some reason. It could be that she's ashamed, but for me, body language like that (shoulders hunched in, lack of eye-contact, fidgety), is always linked to intimidation/fear.

[Brandon87]

Right I could tell she was intimidated by me because sometimes I can be a d*** and she was probably waiting for me to yell about but I never did become a d*** becaue I learned that being a d*** is no goood and a bad way of communicating so we had good conversational about us being together and every since then she has started making more eye contact with me

[Inq100]

Your girlfriend may be experiencing a bout of depression. This may be the effect of breaking up.

If you can watch her talk to other people in your presence, try to notice if she's having trouble maintaining eye contact with them. If she cannot keep eye contact with other people, it means that it's not just the feeling guilt that she is experiencing.

The two major signs of depression: 1. a person is constantly sad or anxious 2. a person is unable to derive pleasure from the usual activities

Did she have difficulty maintaining eye contact in the past?

What other words did she use to describe her current situation (apart from the word 'mess')?

Suggestion: try talking to her about her life in detail. If more details emerge, you'd be able to help her.

There may be other explanations for not keeping the eye contact.

[Brandon87]

She always maintained good eye contact but I guess she was just so ashamed of her self that she couldn't help not being able to look into my eyes. we talked about getting back together and about what would have to be done for it to workout and she agreed and told me she made a bad mistake and I told her we both had faults. She now makes eye contact with me, communication is good.

[Inq100]

I'm glad to hear it. Judging from your other questions, there's still a lot of work for both of you in the future. Good luck and keep posting the questions!

[sammysamson84]

probably the fear that she screwed it up ...

you only know what you got when it's gone ...

so she probably has seen what she's missing now and tries to get back ... but then there is the fear that you won't let her ... maybe she also thinks she's the one to blame ...

if you think you two can work it out and would want to try too, then there is a rather simple solution for this:

build her up a bit by admitting that both of you have their respective problems / made mistakes and that blaming someone is not making things any better ... suggest to start things over and see what happens

[Brandon87]

I did exactly that I built her up and made it very clear that both of us have our faults and that we both were lacking in communication and we both talked about maybe getting back together and I told her the only way we can make it work is if she wasn't afraid to communicate with me no matter what. She now makes eye contact with me

[Anonymous]

she might be afraid of you saying or doing something. or she knows she did something wrong

[Brandon87]

She definitely knows she did something wrong and hurt me. she has started making eye contact again especially since we had a few good talks