Is it ok for the dumpee to date again right away?

So my ex dumped me after almost a year of dating because she said she never loved. I tried to get her back and she said no. I was pretty hurt and sad by the whole thing. We are in the same social circle so I went NC for a about 2 months. When I next saw her at funtion with mutual friends, it was awkward but cordial enough. I was secretly hoping for a sign of reconciliation, but when I saw none, I tried as best as could to accept the fact that she and I could be friendly while I could date others.

A month passed and saw my ex again. When I approached her to say hello, she was very cold and rude towards to me. I didn't want to show that it bothered me (although I was hurt), so I smiled and took the high road.

I later found out that some of her friends had told her that I was out dating and otherwise socializing with other women (nothing serious and I was, after all, single). She also told one of my friends that she was taking her time dating again out of respect for me. Did I owe her the same courtesy if I was the one dumped? And, I don't even know if it's ture that she was not dating out of respect for me, or because she simply hadn't met anyone who met her standards.

Any insights? Thanks


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that once two people are broken up either can date someone else the next day even if they wanted to. There's no rule book that says you can't date someone new now. If the dumpee does date other people right away after they just have been dumped it may seem like they are just upset so they date anyone. This might not always be the case however. I'm not sure if your ex-girflfriend is telling the truth or not but if she is then I think in other words she won't date anyone else yet because you did mean something to her at least and even though she dumped you she needs time to think about what she really wants in a man.

    Once you've been dumped or you dumped someone else you shouldn't care what your ex thinks because you guys are done and that's that. Its more a matter of how upset you are over the person. If your ex really did matter to you then it probably would take longer till you become interested in dating again. If they didn't matter to you that much then its a lot easier to date again. Look at it this way, lets say you ask a girl out and you go out on about 3 or 4 dates and decide she's not for me, are you torn up over it, no because you only been out with this girl a few times barely to even know her middle name, so you probably will just go out on a date again with a girl you meet that you might like like as if you never even met the other girl. On the other hand if you've been going out with a girl for more like 3 years and were absolutely in love and one day you just broke up, then most of the time both people would probably not date someone else for a long long time. Its not really out of a courtesy or respect to the other person, its just a matter of how long it takes to get over someone no matter if your the dumpee of the dumper. People are selfish and that's how the world works. No one is going to act a certain way in order to respect someone else. Your ex just means that she's still taking her time getting over you (even though she dumped you, it takes time) and is thinking about what she wants in a man or she hasn't found someone else yet that meets her standards. Trust met its not about her caring about you, its about her. Go enjoy yourself and date girls, there's nothing wrong with that. To be honest my last boyfriend broke up with me and he has a new girlfriend now, and I wish I got a new boyfriend before he did just to show him up. You should be happy your getting girls before she's getting any, she might just be jealous as well.

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What Girls Said 6

  • it could be both reasons, never the less, You should be dating, she dumped you so she gave you a free to do whatever pass. She may be jealous that you aren't out there balling your eyes out for her ,let her waddle in her own misery while you continue living your own life the way you see fit..

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  • You can do whatever you want! She broke up with you and you have absolutely no obligation to her.

    If she were abstaining from dating out of respect for you... I would expect that meant she cares about your feelings. If she cared about your feelings, she would want you to be happy. If she wanted you to be happy, you dating other people would be a non issue. Therefore, I think the excuse is pure bullshit.

    Go get some!

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    • Thanks..for a second, I actually believed her when she said she wanted to remain friends. I guess that's just a line she throws at guys when she breaks up with guys. She probably only means it when she has moved on before the guy has. If that's the case, then I am glad things played out the way they did.

  • you date when you are ready.

    and think things through to not repeat mistakes

    easier said than done I guess.

    I don't rush myself into things.

    dating and relationships can drain emotional energy...so heal, think, stay busy. when you're ready, then go

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  • doesn't matter if you're the dumper or the dumpee. Point is you aren't together anymore, both of you can move on. I understand it might hurt to see her already move on but you have to let each other go. You shouldn't give a shit what she thinks. And I bet she's lying about the not dating out of courtesy thing, she's probably told your friend deliberately knowing they'd tell you to make you feel patronized or whatever. She probably can't get date anyways. Sounds pathetic of her if you ask me.

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  • Yes. She dumped you giving you permission to see other people. None of her business

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  • She sounds like a fool. You didn't do anything wrong.

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    • ha ha..thanks...she was also flirting with another dude in my presence that time she was friendly with me...that also made me want to be seen with other women...perhaps immature on my part, but like I said, she broke up with me, never came back to me, and told me she was used to exes coming back to her...event the ones that were married!

What Guys Said 5

  • It is unreasonable for her to be upset with you for dating again. After all, she broke up with you.

    You're in your 30's so same as me. If my girlfriend for a year suddenly broke up with me, I would probably start looking again soon. My thoughts are..."If I'm going to find my future wife, I had better know her well for at least a couple years before I propose".

    If you were to stop dating out of some unspoken notion of respect for her, you're basically wasting your time.

    The circumstances might be different if you were younger. My ex of 6 years broke up when I was 24. I was quite devastated and didn't even go on a date for 3 years after that. That was the time it took me to heal. But a year-long relationship is very short. There's no obligation for you to withhold finding your future someone, because she broke up with you.

    And remember, in most breakups, once the other person starts dating again, meeting the ex will usually be awkward. So it will be like this whether you wait a week or a year.

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    • Thanks...I was confused. On the one hand, I was angry that she was apparently flirting with another guy in my presence and that she had dumped me. I therefore wanted to dig at her by being seen with other women by her friends. But, on the other hand, I felt that was possibly a childish move on my part, and I wanted her back, so I wasn't sure if it was best to show that I could get other women or simply law low. Moot point since she neve came back to me.

  • It's bollocks. She's just jealous you've moved on quicker than her/appear to be more succesful than her, despite the fact you were the dumped one, and that she told you she never loved you (which should have made you desperate, in her mind).

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    • Best answer I've seen from you :)

    • Achievement unlocked, it seems. Hurray.

    • thanks...i think that "i'm taking my time out of respect" is all bs...i am sure if she met some good looking guy who was into her, she would not let him pass by, or wait to throw it in my face.

  • I think it would have been acceptable for you to hook up or start dating 2 hours after she dumped you.

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  • You don't owe her anything. She doesn't owe you anything. I think she's being kind of a bitch if she expects you to continue living your life based off of her after she leaves you.

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  • you don't owe her a damn thing! Better to get back on the horse

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