Buddy's wife gives birth to black baby. What should he do?

[nicenthic]

Buddy came back 9 months in Afghanistan to be with his wife during her delivery. She gives birth to a black baby in front of everyone at the hospital. She wants him to stay or pay for child support and says that it's his fault that he wasn't there so she got lonely.

My buddy is heartbroken/pissed and punching the wall right now. I don't want to approach him cos he's a marine and you don't want to get in between a marine and a wall especially when he's losing it.

Any advice on what to tell him? I don't think he will stay with her.

Divorce her and Refuse to pay support and tell her to go to the guy who knocked her up

Divorce her but pay child support

Stay with her and try to work it out

Updates

+1 y

The black baby is not worse in a racial way, but worse in that he cannot deny it or sweep it under the rug. It's obvious to everyone who sees the baby and he looks like a disrespected man. If the baby was white, he might have not even noticed.

Updates

+1 y

She now has a social worker helping her to get child support from him. When he asked her why she doesn't pursue the biological father of the child, she said that the man in unemployed and that she wouldn't get anything from him.

[washize]

Its his choice to stay. But he is more than within his rights to leave. Not only was his wife cheating on him. But she was having UNPROTECTED SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN!! Which could expose the husband to god knows what.

So not only did she put their marriage at risk, but also HIS LIFE AT RISK. She also had a baby by another man. I don't believe that marriage is forever if someone fucks up, especially this bad. However some people believe that you should make things work no matter what.

If he's one of those people who wants to work through the marriage, as his friend, the only thing you can do is support him, no matter how stupid it is.

As long as he DIDN'T SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE, he can walk away from his asshole of a wife without much damage done. However, if he DID SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE, he is fucked, and will legally be held responsible for the child, as signing the birth certificate means you are claiming ownership and responsibility of the child.

IF you're friend is the same age as you, it sucks, but it isn't the end of the world. He's young enough to start his life over fresh.

[kheserthorpe]

Whether or not he signed, he's legally responsible unless he fights it relatively soon. He's the baby's mother's husband, and legally assumed to be responsible.

[washize]

I wasn't aware of that. I thought without a signature and not biologically being the father, a man didn't have any legal obligations.

Either way he needs to fight it, and sperate himself from his wife. The more he takes an active role in the childs life, the more likely a judge will hold him legally responsible.

[Paris13]

This is a most precarious, not to mention, Most Embarrassing situation. And Of course, a slap in the face to the "frustrated father."
I don't blame him in the least for Not wanting to stick around for the drama and diapers. Tell your buddy, Sure as building blocks, Would be plenty of THAT. No doubt about it.
He is Not obligated to pay for baggage that doesn't belong to him, so might I suggest he get a DNA test to prove that the kid Isn't his (for legality sake), and this way he has ammo for the future.
However, if he does go to divorce court with his cheating cheetah, her lawyer could possibly get her "alimony pay," in which he would have to support her bum bump until she decides to remarry either---black or white again.
Tell him I am so sorry. Yes, loneliness was most likely her excuse, but cheating is Not, and although I am not one to judge nor sweep dirt in someone Else's doorway, there was absolutely NO REASON for her to have gotten herself "barefoot and pregnant" with any man's baby, especially Now, where NO ONE can show face to even hide The Fact. xx

[kheserthorpe]

He can't use the paternity test in the future, he has to use it now.

[Paris13]

Just as long as it is the fact of the matter..

[nicenthic]

yep, he wants to bury his head in the sand and not talk to anyone. I think he needs to go out drinking with us and let it all out

[Paris13]

The poor man is probably ashamed, embarassed, cannot face even his friends nor family.. could any of us? Drowning his sorrows won't help, and neither having to pick up soiled diapers in this case.. He needs to do something about getting back his Pride, and that is to take Her to the cleaners, and make sure she don't get her cheating cheetah paws on anything of His.. xx

[nicenthic]

kheserthorpe, why does he need a paternity test? The kid is black and the parents both white.

[Paris13]

He needs something to prove, regardless of What color, who the dad is..

[Paris13]

Glad to have been of some help, and good luck to him, for whatever decision.. xx

[destinyascension]

be angry and complaining never helps. in this situation what the LAW wants is for the father to be Ruthless in disowning the child. having second thoughts about loving your wife or the child and he will become the father regardless of genetics. the law does not look into the circustances of cheating or genetics. even if your wife was to give birth to kangaroo. if you were with her during birth and your married. thats already 2 counts of you as the presumed father. enough for you to pay for child support. by this time you arealready fighting an uphill battle. you MUST IMMIDEATLY FILE FOR DIVORCE AND HAVE AN AMAZING ATTORNEY TO FIGHT CHILD SUPPORT. i pray to god you did not sign anything at the hospital or pay any of the bills with your name. since your a military more burdens for automatic alimony sucks. in the laws eyes there is no such thing as a infidelity in divorce. pro tip:try to compute the cost of the paternity disestablishment+lawyers/trial vs the cost of paying child support f

[Paris13]

Thank you, sweetie, for allowing me to lend a helping hand in this delicate situation.. best of luck in the future.:)) xxoo

[Izzy2102]

Well get a paternity test first of all. It could still be his. If any of her or his parents/grandparents or great grandparents are black there is a chance you get a black baby to two white parents. Or did she already admit she cheated? I wasn't quite sure

If the latter, well leave her. She won't get any child support to him. I guess it depends what kind of person you are. I don't think I could work it out but maybe he could. At the very least they should separate for a few months so he can get some perspetive

[kheserthorpe]

"When he asked her why she doesn't pursue the biological father of the child, she said that the man in unemployed and that she wouldn't get anything from him."

[Izzy2102]

oh I didn't read the updates.

Either way you'll need to get tested, do that first

[BicentricBowl5]

He should leave her cheating ass. His wife can't collect child support from him because it's not his kid. If she wants support she has to get it from the biological father. If after serving in the military my wife gives birth to a kid that obviously isn't mine, the likelihood of my staying is slim to nil. I could be more understanding if he was at home with his wife and for whatever reason she cheated, but he was/is in the military putting his bloody life on the line and she's slutting about, fuck no I'm not staying with her. And this is coming from a black guy who plans to enlist. There's no need for him to try and work it out, she doesn't seem to care about him but what he can give her.

[AdamThomas]

Divorce her and refuse to pay child support. Why should he pay to support a child that isn't his?

I'd do a lot more than that, it's the worst thing you can do to a guy - I'd probably top myself.

Poor guy works his arse off to serve his country and provide for his wife, comes back excited that he's about to become a Father, and then it turns out it's not his kid. Imagine if the kid was white? He'd have no idea.

This is why less men are getting married these days. There's no wonder men are so much more likely to kill themselves after divorce.

[AdamThomas]

I also find it funny that when I discourage men from marrying I get a load of insults, claims of misogyny, being bitter etc. I get told that the guy should just choose the right woman then he'll be okay, as if any guy is going to marry someone he doesn't feel sure is the right woman... And from reading the comments people here, the same people who attack me, are so clueless about the laws around divorce and child support.

This is what I'm talking about.

[Masana]

That's absolutely awefull.. your friend can't be blamed and I feel very sorry for him these things mostly happen to marines and it's always the "I felt lonely" excuse really, really sad. The best your buddy can do is talk to her. It is not his child so he is not responsible for it in any way. she should go to the guy who is the father and figure it out. on the other hand your friend should divorce her because a future with a woman like this is impossible. Really, when you get married to a marine accept the concequences of him being away a lot stupid people these days. Tell your buddy He'll be fine he's one broken heart closer to true love (really fairytail-ish but I still believe he'll be fine) the best of luck for him and you!

[Snow-Wolf18]

She lied to him and cheated on him, so why should he have to pay her anything? He should just leave her and if she wants money, she should go to the guy who knocked her up for some support. She may say he left her lonely and that's why she did it, but if he is in the military, leave comes with the territory. If she wasn't prepared for that, then maybe they shouldn't have been together. If he's out there serving his country, the least his wife can do would be to be faithful while he's away.

[Metal189]

Unfortunately, the law doesn't protect cheating or lying (unless you're under oath in a court case). He has to pay for the kid, if she wants him to. He could take it to court and try to prove otherwise, but it would be pointless. They'll choose the girl over the guy, because she's a girl

[kheserthorpe]

He will actually have to fight to NOT pay child support, but should win as long as he does it NOW. Basically the court says that whoever the mother says is the father (especially if her husband) has to pay unless he gets it overturned. And he might be on the hook for alimony if she's not working, hopefully not for too long though.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

That's deep. And to tell him it was his fault and still want him to pay? She signed up to be "lonely" when she agreed to marry someone in his line of work. Now that's hoein'. You should tell him to separate or leave. He should take a minute to get his mind right about the situation though.

[Rail2k]

She cheated on her husband that she vowed not to cheat on with an exotic man while he was away risking his life to protect her and the rest of the country. Then she doesn't involve herself with the other man because he's unemployed and has no money. That women seems like she has very horrible morals, your friend shouldn't give a dime to her and should fight to make sure he doesn't have to.

[AndyWes]

This is even a question?

Why, why would he stay, or pay child support for some bastard child? His wife cuckolded him while he was off killing people for the military, why then would he even consider being a whipped dog who pays for his wife's cheating?

Get a DNA test, legally have the courts declare it's not his child, divorce her, and resist the temptation to make sure the authorities never find her body...

[kheserthorpe]

He needs to fight this now if she put his name on the birth certificate. If you don't get that overturned within the first year or so, he's on the hook for child support for (potentially) life (it doesn't always end at 18) even if he can prove he's not the father.

Divorce, get it legally cleared up. Then consider what if any relationship he wants. But if he doesn't legally get out now, he can't ever.

[ProTraceurDGDJ]

''If you don't get that overturned within the first year or so, he's on the hook for child support'' Not if he goes ghost he's not. (:

[gotc147]

Okay, so I'm guessing your buddy isn't black?

Even if they're married I'm pretty sure he would not be responsible for the child if they divorced as it is not his child. He will need an attorney or possibly two (one for the divorce, one for the child support) but if he divorces her he'll probably be able to tell her to go pound sand.

[AidenBlue]

Well, its looking pretty unanimous. There is nothing positive about this situation and being with her is just going to bring resentment. I'd run and he should not be obligated to pay child support. Pretty clear case of her cheating on him so she gets nothing.

If your lonely - get a dildo. If that doesn't work, at least find some birth control.

[glitterberryalisa]

whoops, I voted B, didn't mean to do that. These stories anger me. Definitely A, what a horrible person. Your husband is fighting for his country, and she's banging some dude cause she feels "lonely" or whatever her excuse is. Divorce her stupid a** and realize that he's so much better than that.

[ashleybeans]

Well depends on if he loves her enough but the relationship may be doomed due to cheating. If he loves her he can stay with her abd she can get the baby's daddy for child support but if they end up breaking up technically he's not responsible for the child or his ex wife unless he wants to be

[ProTraceurDGDJ]

Love is always conditional baby & I think you & I can both agree that she violated said conditions that made her husband love her in the first place. (:

[Shyguy_1988]

Legally he can divorce her and she will get nothing because she was not faithful. If she wants anything from anyone,(so does not sound like a good person by the way) she would have to go to the person that git her pregnant. I would not make that work, he should be done and not pay child support. It's not his child. Who cares if she was lonely, that is the poorest excuse. I was lonely so I banged a guy.. right bye! 9 months is nothing to be alone.

[kheserthorpe]

Not true, a lot of areas have no fault divorce, he could still owe alimony.

[Shyguy_1988]

Its a case I think he would win. Regardless it will cost him money due to the fact he'll need a lawyer and go through all that.

[kheserthorpe]

Depends where they live, probably they haven't been together too long, so that helps. And whatever assets gained while together, she will get half of.

[Anonymous]

He should go to a Lawyer's office directly from the hospital. If I were in a similar situation, I would try to prevent her from legally carrying my last name from that point forward. I would leave her without speaking to her again or expressing any resentment, if at all possible.

[bDizzie]

This is why you shouldn't get married when you're still in the armed forces. What is she supposed to do, sit around and wait for his return? Should he have put a chastity belt on her?

Still, he needs to leave her ASAP and not pay her a dime!

[syrick]

its not his child a blood test can prove it so in turn she can't make him do it. man i say leave. tell him im sorry thanks for serving i wanna be amarine and i can't beleive she did that. damn. horrible bitch.

[ArabianPwincess197]

tell your friend to man up and say why should he pay for a child that isn't his. Or he should slap a restraining order on her and divorce her.

If he can't do this he should raise the baby then.

[nicenthic]

It will not let me make more updates this week, so I'm using your comment space... She told him to man up and take care of his family & that if he doesn't stay with her or pay support, the state will take money from him and put him in jail if he refuses. Plus lawyer's fees. He says that war is less dangerous than this woman. hahaha

[Eiffelgirl21]

He needs to divorce her right away... OMG this is why I hate my own kind

[ArabianPwincess197]

he needs to go to the police I don't get it why will he go to jail for a illegitimate child conceived by a whore that he had the misfortune of making a wife.

[nicenthic]

She got that information from the social worker who is helping her. I think it's legit.

[ArabianPwincess197]

DNA test then

[Eiffelgirl21]

divorce her leaver her, then call me! hahaha marines are hot. hahaha okay that was immature... rewind... um, if he needs help or someone to talk to, seriously, message me. :)

[Eiffelgirl21]

@update: She will not get child support from him LOL she cheated... she can't get anything from him! He needs to file for divorce! And, his reasoning is because she cheated! Then, she can't get shit.

[Eiffelgirl21]

I just read something online. HE MUST DIVORCE HER RIGHT AWAY! IF he wants nothing to do with this child! Before she files child support!

[Eiffelgirl21]

>>>>>>www. huffingtonpost. com/2013/07/29/child-support_n_3672474. html

[kheserthorpe]

Exactly. And if she's not working she might claim alimony as it is.

There's a huge industry and lobby to get men to pay for kids (whether its theirs or not!) and no lobby pushing back. People just say 'the kid shouldn't suffer'. Its such crap. My kids would be better off if we declared bill gates their father, but that doesn't make it right.

[Eiffelgirl21]

wow, I know... this world is crazier and crazier... each day...

[cavmanier]

Haha yep it's true. kheserthorpe and I are a little older so we've seen some of this stuff

[Eiffelgirl21]

yeah wow this world! lol

[ProTraceurDGDJ]

Then he should just go Ghost. Not every problem has to have a legal solution to it you know?

[cavmanier]

It reminds of the a similar logic on a question earlier. We can't say po rn because that would make gag a p*rn site to advertisers. Cunt asshole and motherfucker are okay though lol

[Eiffelgirl21]

I am confused by that.

[Eiffelgirl21]

LOL I know right

[kheserthorpe]

Nah, given he knows now, he should deal with it ASAP. If he does now he will prove paternity, its early enough no support, and I'd guess the shared assets/etc at this point are pretty small. If he doesn't deal with it properly, 10 years from now he might have more money and be wishing he'd given up a few grand today to deal with it.

[Eiffelgirl21]

I agree. he should divorce as well. then prove paternity and prove she cheated. if she cheated and he proves it, she can't get a dime from him... at least for our laws you can't

[ProTraceurDGDJ]

Well whether they demand him to pay or not can all be rendered invalid if he decides to go Ghost you know?

[nicenthic]

thanks. He's not too happy right now. I don't think he even wants be around himself.

[nicenthic]

but I will let him know a girl on the internet says hi :)

[Eiffelgirl21]

haha thanks ;)

[nicenthic]

I just noticed all those comments. Can someone please summarize what he should do?

[Eiffelgirl21]

summary: first divorce her. 2nd, whilst the divorce process his reasoning is infidelity on her part. prove the kid isn't his... bam divorce is done and she can't get him for child support.

[Prettygurl12]

If I were the guy I'd be hauling ass out of there for sure. Or I'd give her a pamphlet for a nice woman's shelter 'cause baby or no baby, cheaters don't deserve the house.

[Prettygurl12]

Another question: Why should he pay child support for a child that is not his?

[Metal189]

Because by law, if she wants him to, he has to

[Eiffelgirl21]

please prove that.

[Eiffelgirl21]

wow.. he is right... wow https://www. huffingtonpost. com/2013/07/29/child-support_n_3672474. html

[Phoenix1991]

She can go swan dive off a cliff in the grand canyon, that's not his responsibility.

[maiez]

He should sue her for demanding child support, that is ridiculous. The girl is a slut and deserves no good from him.

[bubbiexo]

He has nothing to "man up" to. He didn't create this child so it's not his responsibility. If she wants to be a dumb c-u next Tuesday and cheat on her husband... Her problem. Not his.