Questions: Break Up & Divorce

I'm 21 years old. Here's the story: a few months ago, just before I turned 21, my mom told me the man she is married to (let's call him Joe) is not my real dad. I knew something was up for several years because they both have blue eyes and mine are brown. But that's all beside the point here. The big issue I have is that she won't tell me his name.

My mom told me this: she was dating a guy, got pregnant by him (with me), and then left him a couple of weeks later. Shortly after that she met Joe and he was cool with her being pregnant with another man's baby and whatnot. I was born and his name was put on my birth certificate as my father, and I have his last name. He raised me as his own child, and had 4 other kids with my mom. I was never treated differently than any of them.

All I know about my bio dad is that he is from Toronto (and that's where I live too), went to University of Toronto, is my Mom's age (mid-forties, my mom was 23 when I was born), and of course that he has brown eyes :-)

Mom doesn't think it's important for me to know his name. That upsets me so much, it makes me very angry that she thinks that way. I've told her this and it doesn't seem to bother her. I'm constantly thinking about how different my life would be if I knew him or even if he married my mom instead of Joe. I'm totally obsessed with this and it bothers me. I'm not sure how to get my mom to tell me his name.

Sorry for the length, I just had to vent and get some thoughts from you guys.