Why do men want to stay friends after a break-up?

[EnchantingAthena]

My ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago. For a while I still had feelings for him as it was a long term relationship. I decided to keep my distance after we broke up as he started dating someone else almost immediately. About 3 month after our break up he contacted me and said we should try to be friends, I agreed but unfortunately it didn't work out very well as I still had feelings for him and he claimed he didn't feel the same. Again I backed off and we didn't speak again for about 5 months. Once again she started texting me and once again we tried to be friends. Again it didn't work out due to us constantly arguing with each other. About a month ago we started speaking again and I've noticed that he refers to me by the pet name he used while we were together.

He is currently dating someone and I'm trying to avoid him but what I can't understand is why he can't just leave me alone? After our last argument I asked him not to contact me so why does he keep telling me how good it is we're getting along and asking constantly whether I missed him?

Is this normal or is there something else going on?

[kambo_trick3y]

I can only give you the three main reasons why guys usually try and stay friends with their exes, I'll make it short and sweet.

1 - He tries to keep the chance alive that you two can be back together again.

2 - He tries to keep communication open long enough to try and spite you and show you that he's living a good life or has moved on, and feeding off of the fact that you still miss him.

3 - He genuinely wants to keep communication with you and be friends. This is usually because he either regrets something that he did to you, or, and this is can often be a doozy, he genuinely wants to stay friends with you. Bear in mind, this takes a HUGE amount of maturity and self-control, one that, and I'm not going to lie to you, guys generally don't have.

If I were to take a guess however, I would say that he BEGAN at Number 1, then transitioned to Number 2. In him trying to dig up and recall memories by calling you your personal pet name, he is trying to relive old memories. However, he may have either gotten the message, or noticed you were trying to pull back, and began a transition into number 2.

If you stop and think about it, it's pretty insensitive (either that or you've gotta be a pretty oblivious person) to talk to someone you used to be in a relationship with while waving around the knowledge that you both carry knowing full well he is in a relationship with another girl. But this is all conjecture. Gauge his maturity level, the situation, and try and go on that.

However, I will say this much. If you don't want to be friends, there is nothing stopping you from making good on that. Nothing. Not him, not his new girl, or anyone.

[EnchantingAthena]

He's actually very mature for his age, he's also got his masters in psychology. Which makes me think that on an emotional level, he should know that trying to spite me is just childish.

He does however try to keep me close, either by directly calling me or by getting his best friend to call me. His best friend and I are on good terms with each other and always have been.

[SillyG0000se]

BA right here ^

[profjong]

maybe he wants to move on but because he had such a great time with you in the relationship, he wants to keep you around as a friend?

[lananoel]

Men prefer to keep their types to attention. They want to remain friends cause you are the main source of attention for them. I personally think it's a male ego thing stringing someone along makes them think "she still wants me." an ex did this to me after a sour break-up. I had started a new relationship and he was angry. We tried being friends but he kept hitting on me and making comments about how much better he was then my new guy. I cut it off . To this day I get messages from him bringing up memories from when we were together trying to make friends.. Trust me it's an ego thing.

[EnchantingAthena]

I would agree, however, our break up wasn't sour and I don't really give him all that much attention. I've never been one to stroke his ego and although he does enjoy attention from his female friends, I've never been one to praise him. Our relationship was based on honesty and I don't believe in sugar coating anything. I'm usually the one who's telling him to stop being a jerk and then ignoring him until he complies.

[Anonymous]

are you having sex with him? I assume you are, because he keeps returning. If you are, stop. This cycle will never be broken unless you stop contacting him. he could be staying around for a back up plan or for comfort if something goes wrong with his current girlfriend. Its time to let him go, Hun.

[EnchantingAthena]

Actually no, we aren't sleeping with each other. After our break up he moved to a different town so in all honesty I haven't physically been anywhere near him since then. Everything he does is either over the phone, email or text.