How do you get over someone who fooled you so badly?

[Anonymous]

so devastated right now. finally thought I found someone who was good man who even if we didn't work out I could call him a friend or at least remember him fondly. we both have baggage...divorce, etc. so I knew things had to go slow. biggest mistake was probably us sleeping together the last two dates...before that all we had done was kiss. and I slept over both nites...i thought we had crazy good connection...we didn't talk a lot or text a lot between dates but he would call when he said he would to make plans and we'd send a quick cute text here and there. all of a sudden after last date, nothing from him. it just makes no sense...how he could hold me and be affectionate one minute, I mean I stayed til like noon the next day just chatting and laughing and he was already planning our next date. he had said he would be busy all week so I gave him space...we had both been online that's how we met but both had been off a few weeks...not that we discussed it we both just stopped going on...i only know he stopped logging on because my friend who is online saw he was off when she was online (she wasn't spying, she just noticed it)...i text him Friday he says all is well he just busy (I didn't confront him on not calling at this point even though it had been five days... I didn't want to seem needy)...said he would call me Saturday. never did. then it's Monday and I get a call from my friend who says that he is back online...and I still haven't heard from him. so I send him a text, not mentioning the online stuff because I don't think that's appropriate but that I am not kind of girl who sleeps around and doesn't get a call for over a week from a guy who supposedly likes her...and that I was hurt and thought he should have at least told me he wanted to end things instead of just fade away. it wasn't a mean text at all...even my guy friends agree. but he never even responded to that one. I went back online last night figured I should and he was online. so obviously I was played. I know I only knew him a couple of months, but I feel so used and really hurt and upset...i truly liked him A LOT and thought he was great person. why would someone who seemed so sweet and attentive just switch off all of a sudden? and not even have courtesy of a breakup text let alone call? and why am I having such a hard time getting over it? this sucks

Updates

+1 y

and also I feel so gross and pathetic that he didn't even find me worthy of a call or even text to break things off...that I meant so little just avoiding me altogether was the way he wanted to go. it really hurts...makes me feel I was nothing to him ever. and I feel stupid because I thought he felt the same way about me. :(

[Anonymous]

Honestly I am divorced and I notice I am within your age range and the one dude I did fall for it was the same situation. They get close just to withdraw and it does really hurt but it seems to be so common. I dated another guy recently but I didn't fall for him and same thing, come on strong and once they feel like they have you they disappear and don't want to be bothered. This behavior I am noticing from grown men our age however the younger guys that I thought would behave childish like this is totally opposite. Their sex game is amazing, this guy isn't selfish and always wants me to be happy before his happiness and believe it or not this younger guy actually communicates what he wants and doesn't want. Has made it very clear that he doesn't want anything serious and just wants to have fun. This has worked for me because I don't want anything serious with anyone younger guys for apparent reasons but it works until the long term committed guy comes along.

[Asker]

yeah what the hell is their deal right? I don't get it at all...he did everything right, took it slow, took me on nice dates, was very affectionate once we got intimate...and then BAM! like totally blindsided. but if I think about it the fact he didn't call or text very often between dates and even less once we got intimate were major flags...plus he always mentioned what a nag his ex was...so I probably should have known better. not gonna be such an easy target next time that's for sure.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know how long you've been divorced but try just having fun with guys. You deserve to be free and enjoy it until the right one comes along. I swear I am so over the games so I recently had to take this advice for myself. I'm trying sooooooo hard not to be hurt and still manage to get hurt. It's to the point now that I am scared to meet men and wondering what their motives are.

[Asker]

i so hear ya...split from my hubby two years ago...had a couple one night stands just to get it out of my system with guys in their 20s and they showed me more respect, seriously lol, than the two dudes I dated (both, inc this one, in 30s and divorced major baggage). I think I'm gonna try to have fun for a while...just date around a while and not try to look for the "right" guy...the "right" guy will look for us right? not the other way around!

[HoneyBee5]

Yeah - divorced men seem to be like that. I had 2 that just disappeared on me. One was like yours, and we took ot really slow, I say him once every 2 weeks, then he avoided me and when I called him on it, he said he wanted to break up. Next guy - things didn't go slowly, I met his kids, his ex, etc. He told me he wanted to marry me, told all his friends that, etc, then we had one disagreement and that was it, we were done. Divorced men have WAY more baggage than women and they are very callous with their actions and the feelings of others.

[Asker]

yep totally agree...am coming to realize that to be the case...really makes me pessimistic of meeting a normal guy :(

[HoneyBee5]

Yeah - I'm finding it hard to trust after that last one...how does he say all those things and then break it off and never explain to me the reason why or give me closure. It's like they refuse to take the risk of truly loving again...

I'm staying far away from divorced guys now...

[Asker]

i hear ya girl! I feel the same way! they are broken it seems from baggage...

[Anonymous]

don't feel stupid or pathetic, you put yourself out their and met a bad seed. If he's a player not giving you a call or text is not personal, it's just what he'll do.

I was a little like that once, I would shower a girl with affection and attention until I got bored and then just disappear. Wasn't anything they did wrong and I didn't realize I was doing much harm until I had it done to me when I realized how much it can hurt.

Point is it has nothing to do with what you did right/wrong and all to do with a guy who hasn't grown up or is too ignorant to understand feelings

[Asker]

thank u! I wish I didn't even text him now...now he knows I cared and was hurt probably thinks how dumb of me...ugh wish I just let it go and if he did contact me again I could have spoken with him in person. but I doubt he was going to call again anyway :(

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly I doubt he'll think it's dumb, probably will be put it off knowing your hurt and cared but like I said when boils down to it, he's just not ready for an adult relationship

[Asker]

yeah, you're right. just can't believe a grown man could act like such a child. besides my text yesterday, I never called him out on anything so it's not like he could call me a nag. but what can I do...he's obviously done and I gotta get over the shock and the humiliation over it...won't be so easy to fool me next time at least...

[Anonymous]

don't feel pathetic about it. the guy is a looser to that to you. forget about him, he will be the guy that no women wants. and wonders why. karma will have him. treat as an experience and you will have the knowledge to know whether a guy will do that you again. good and bad experiences are all good for us because it will make us a better people for dealing with things next time. just forgive yourself for it. cause forgiving yourself will lead to self improvement.

[Asker]

thank you so much for your kind words...and I think it's great advice...going to try to keep this as a learning experience and be happy he showed me his true colors!

[Opinion Owner]

exactly, we have all had bad past experiences, you look back, you move on,and then you smile.

[Anonymous]

Judgment comes from experience and great judgment comes from bad experience

[Asker]

i agree!