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Dating as a woman vs Dating as a man. You thought you had it bad! (Page 3)
Anonymous
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I can understand your point of view Take Owner. I think we both have our own pros and cons when it comes to dating. Yes I technically have more "choice" but at the same time it's an intimidating choice, because of fear of rejection. Just like you feel you must be a slut to get any attention, guys also can feel like they have to act like Alpha Douchebags to get girls.
I refuse to be a douchebag but it's so unfortunate because I see a lot of girls respond to it.
To be honest I don't think it's un-ladylike to pursue a man or at least show that you're into him. Frankly it would help us a lot cause we're really clueless about how you actually feel (hence guys "choice" doesn't mean much, and you hear guys say stuff like "friend zone").
I don't wait to be picked. I'll happily talk to a guy if I'm interested in him. Why wait for something that might not happen. I'd rather take what I want and it's not masculine or aggressive. It's simply starting a conversation with someone.
pick me, pick me!!!
Like the below anonymous user said, even though a girl may not be straight away asking a guy out. AT LEAST, giving me signs of interest like eye contact few times from far, smiling so that I can FACILITATE things forward, is crucial. Guys can go approaching women without IOIs, but the rejection rate is higher.
That's still bs. Giving vague ass signs, like eye contact and smile isn't good enough and you shouldn't encourage that.
Suppose there is an attractive male behind you that your not aware of. She's smiling and looking in your direction, you think she's looking at you. Only for her to tell you she's not interested and go for the 6'2, white guy.
I've approached guys, been rejected no big deal, it literally doesn't hurt my ego. but what I have noticed is some men are intimidated by more straightforward women. I have heard men say women who approach them are seen as easy , maybe they have been approached by women a lot I don't know.
I don't think your view is very balanced. Women can and do "approach" men in their own ways.
With me... they will put themselves in my personal space and look at me in certain ways. They're not asking overtly - but they are putting themselves out there and it can be AND IS uncomfortable for me when it's a girl I don't have the slightest interest in.
If the wrong guys are approaching you - it's because you aren't sending the right signals to the RIGHT guys.
By the way... I have had girls ask me out. It's not a great "turn on" for me - these were girls I looked at and decided I probably wasn't interested in them. But... and I'll be honest... I figured, "hey, if she asked me out she's a guaranteed "into" me and she's a guaranteed lay."
And I was always right about that. Every single one of them I had sex with on the first date.
But I didn't end up married to any of them, and I never really took any of them as serious for a relationship. They were just too easy and overt about it. The women you have to work for are the ones that are worth it.
I have found that men do appreciate a direct approach. Perhaps your self-confidence isn't there yet but I have never been called masculine for going after the men that I choose.
You lost me at how would you feel if a homeless woman came up to me.
Me: Come home with me (give her a shower, meal) and a new change of clothes and see where it goes from there. She might be a super hot homeless woman. I've seen them in Seattle and Portland aka street kids from 16-30 (years of age).
You are doing the exact same mimimi as the guys you are complaining about.
https://www.abload.de/img/mimimizep.jpg
I don't like approaching guys I like because in the past, it hasn't gone well at all. I understand it's difficult for guys to approach girls and face rejection but it's the norm for a guy to approach a girl - a girl who's too forward risks making a fool of herself. A guy? No big deal. I get that it's a double standard but I like the my take author won't be putting myself out there anymore. The last time I did I ended up with a manipulative, absuive asshole so I honestly give up.
Never give up. It just takes time.
@Trollfather nah it doesn’t. Time doesn’t fix things. You just get more used to the world.
My point is, if you want a partner, you can't give up.
"It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man with half the fervor that a man will pursue a woman."
This is what women tell themselves and eachother after they get shut down. Sorry but he just wasn't that into you. If a guys crush makes an actual move on him (no shady body signal from across the room), he will pick things up unless unbelievably inexperienced and shy.
"It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man"
Only by women.
Men love it.
Men have it worse till age 25, much worse.
Women have it worse from about 28 on, mildly, but for longer.
Most male approaches happen after female gives IOI. Just because one person opens their mouth first doesn't mean it's not a mutual dance.
The real driver is supply and demand.
While we can talk about averages, ugly women and broke/shy men are going to have a rough time, always (*broke only applies post school*)
" Just because one person opens their mouth first doesn't mean it's not a mutual dance."
Spot on!!!
Attracting people is easier for attractive, socially adept people. Attracting people is harder for less attractive, less charming people. Some people have more time and income. Everyone has childhood baggage and past dating history that influences their dating experiences more than even those two things. Neither sex has a universal advantage or disadvantage.
I'm not interested in public opinion about me, if they're lives are so dull that coming up with reasons for my actions on their own entertains them, so be it. I'm not gonna worry about it though.
That's why I have peace of mind, because I only worry about my mind, not others minds.
Do what ya want, go up to a guy if ya want, cripes I wish more girls would come up to me randomly if only to just say hi.
I just love how you name an advantage that women have in dating (being able to sit back and wait for guys to approach), and then you act like that's somehow a disadvantage, like someone is literally holding a gun to your head and preventing you from making the first move.
One-sided argument that's totally biased by sex and personal experience. In a word: Worthless.
I can't think of a more elegant response than this.
You mentioned:
This is why I can't stand men a complaining about there rejections.
LOL... Try being a successful man who gets rejected by every woman he approaches and can't get laid. A lot of men HAVE TO settle because they just can't seem to catch a break with women. I also see a lot of women that seemed shocked when they meet a male 30 year old virgin. It's not that shocking if you're a man and you go through what men go through everyday.
That sounds really tough but by settling what do you mean?
When he means settle. An ex-party slut who now wants Mr. provider to accept all her past behavior/sexual escapades/her looks are fading, and basically wife her up to be his wife. While she continues to become more mistrusting, resentful of men where she will subconsciously, project onto her lover as a form of revenge.
@myTake Owner
Also... FYI... I am not talking about myself in my paragraph. A long time ago, I used to be that man, but I broke the barrier and I am now talking to 4 different women and get go on dates every week XD.
Anyway... Roostah hit the nail on the head with what I was getting at. In addition to that... a lot of men have to settle with women who already have 2-3 kids with 2-3 baby daddies. In reality, no man wants that! However, because men have such a harder time dating, it usually ends up that way.
www.funcatpictures.com/.../...eaned-aliens-cat.jpg
This was the dumbest my_take of the day for me. Next time create something unbiased otherwise you will not get much respect on here from either side of the spectrum.
There's creepy drunken woman too. And why the hell can't a woman get her finger out and approach a man she likes? Whoever said woman just had to stand there and wait? My ex pursued me and we hit it off. No big drama who breaks the ice.
I have tried to ask guys Out. But from experience if they dont make the move its because they aren't interested in dating me.
So not approaching guys doesn't help, and sitting back and wait for guys doesn't help either..
So guys Who says its easy are bullshitting big time or Just very self centered
Most people that anyone approaches will reject them. This is true for males and females.
Men keep approaching anyway, because unless they're in the top 10% of males, they will never get approached, so there's no alternative.
Women do tend to approach more as they get older (30+) because again, they don't get that many approaches, at least not from guys less than 10 years older.
Twice in my life, I've been approached by women who I would have never approached on my own (because they were overweight, smelled funny, and had facial hair). Both times, I gave her what she wanted. Well, one of them I gave her what she wanted because it was going to just be for one night ;) The other one I tried giving her what she wanted but... No. But she at least got a good chance -- and she got the D a few times, too.
The reason I changed my mind is because of pressure from her. It really makes a difference.
As an interesting side-effect, now that I've had sex with a woman with a mustache, I think mustaches are cute.