Do women get approached a lot or not?

If you've been on GAG long enough you've probably seen both sides of this question. On the one side, you have us guys who don't bother approaching attractive girls because we figure you all have a line up that stretches out the door and around the block of guys actively trying to get with you. On the other side we have girls, even by all accounts attractive ones, who claim that guys never approach them or ask them out, but instead just look at them. So how can we have two polar opposite stories here? Surely only one of them can be right. So this is the problem that I ventured to solve: do women get approached a lot or not and is this related to how attractive she is?

Last week I asked a question: Who wants to be part of another social experiment? on here hoping to collect some data. I went through all of the responses and analyzed the data to give you a clearish answer to this burdensome question. Firstly though, I should disclose all of the shortcomings with the analysis.

1) Small sample size: I only got 29 responses from guys and 51 responses from girls.

2) Response bias: Since all of this was self-reported there will be biases in the answers.

Regardless, I think the overall picture could be instructive in dispelling some myths we might have about who approaches who and how often.

I broke it up to explore 4 different degrees of "approaching" in real life. I discounted online "approaches". Obviously if you took part in this you'd know I asked for how often you catch someone staring at you, how often you're approached, how often you're asked for your phone number, how often you're asked out on a date, and what degree of attractiveness you see yourself. I did this for both guys and girls just to compare but this was all motivated to look at the female case.

Coming into this I had my own personal hypotheses that I developed over my time on this site, which were

1) The number of stares is positively related to attractiveness

2) The number of approaches is positively related to attractiveness up to a certain point and then it begins to decline

3) The number of times a woman's asked for her number is positively related to attractiveness up to a certain point and then it begins to decline

4) The number of times a woman's asked out on a date is positively related to attractiveness up to a certain point and then it begins to decline

The decline in 2-4 was rationalized by guys being intimidated by really attractive women and would go for less attractive women who were viewed as "safer".

So now that we've got the framework, let's look at the meat and potatoes.

Results

Do women get approached a lot or not?

In order to generalize the data, I took the median (due to skewed data) and scaled everything up to per year (see Table). It appears that from the sample data, women get looked at fairly frequently, certainly far more than us guys do. One thing to bear in mind is because this is how frequently do you catch someone looking at you, the number of times you're actually checked out is almost certainly an underestimate. This number drops off spectacularly as we move to approaches. Women get approached a whopping 5 whole times per year, on average (not really average but you know what I mean). That means at most 2.5% of guys who check out women actually approach them. This reduces to 0.5% when looking at how many guys ask these women out. Now obviously there's variability to this and these numbers aren't a hard rule but it's interesting to see the massive dropoff between looking and approaching.

Looking at how attractiveness plays into this we can see that there isn't really a strong correlation (see graph). As an aside, something that should be mentioned but isn't visible on the graphs is that there are data points that overlap. Due to this overlap the y-axes are right-skewed, which isn't abundantly apparent in the graphs.

Continuing, it seems that once a woman's considered at least a "6", that's when guys might start approaching her and asking her out. However, based on the graphs an "8" has just as much chance at being approached and asked out as a "4" or a "5", so looks by themselves aren't a sufficient factor.

So what does all of this mean?

To go back to the original question: do women get approached and asked out a lot? The answer appears to be no. Guys look but that's about as far as they go. The common perception that guys have about attractive girls is that they have a lot of guys after them but this doesn't appear to be the case. If 10 guys want to go after the same girl and all of them think that the other 9 are going to make a move and don't do it then that little hottie has no guys approaching her. The take away here, guys, is that your perceived competition doesn't really exist, even for the most attractive girls. We're psyching ourselves out. Sure, there might be some girls that do have guys after them as the graph clearly shows but they're unlikely to be the rule. So I think this should boost some guys confidence that if you're willing to make approaches then you'll have more success than you think (though none of this insulates you from the possibility that that little hottie you have your sights on doesn't already have a boyfriend/fiance/husband).

Now, this isn't to say that girls don't have a role in all of this too. There's a reason why you're not getting approached and asked out, and it doesn't necessarily have to do with your looks. Clearly there are some less attractive women getting more attention than more attractive women. Based on sifting through the answers it appears that it's in part due to lifestyle. Some women reported being approached a lot at their work (bars/clubs) while if you're a homebody, no matter how attractive you are, you're not going to be approached. Then there's your general body language and putting yourself in positions to being approached. I won't go into specifics because there's a myTake: Why you aren't getting approached - Ladies on being approached and another one Girls, Why You're Not Getting Asked Out on being asked out (shameless plug on the second myTake!).

Final Thoughts

Guys, it's all in our heads. Just figure out how you want to approach and do it. So much of this is just mental. If you can get over your insecurities then the whole playing field opens up for you.

Girls, if you want to be approached, show it. It makes things easier for everyone. Or if you're feeling particularly brave, approach yourself. Just like guys, the only person who's stopping you is yourself.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Firstly, thank you for the study, now we have stats defending what some women have been saying here all along and men have been denying.

    1. The women were right when they say that they don't get approached.

    2. The women were also not flattering themselves when they said men were inimidated to approach. Men, whose egos were hurt with the idea of being intimidated by a little woman , denied that it was intimidaton.

    3. All this also presumed that the man should be approaching the woman, which is not necessary despite what society says. But then we say a woman is thirsty or needy and clingy when a woman becomes the pursuer. As a society, if you want women to approach you, stop labeling them and appreciate the approach. Same thing for the ladies, appreciate the approach and be kind.

    4. There are studies that show that women who pursure don't end up in long term relationships because men don't chose them in the first place out of their own interest, which means men care more about the first impression - looks, more than the woman's invest ment in them. And this discousrages even the modern woman from pursuing something unless they are looking for a hookup because they worry about societally influences men thinking of them as thirsty.

    5. Conclusion, we should keep our egos and shallow ideas at bay and approach people and they people approached shoud take it in the right light and invest without making much of who did what first and what the other person's looks say about our status.

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    • @enaya it takes a certain combination of personality traits for a woman to approach. the social assertiveness is what's scary. which gives them just that much more of an umph to leave a relationship they're not happy with. beneficial for sure. cuts out a lot of excessive pain and suffering. on the contrary it instills the confidence to also give up and leave too soon..

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    • @RomansToPhilemon
      "I like it when a girl makes the first move. If she does, I feel like I can be more my true self rather than this superficial person trying to 'impress' the girl to like me. "
      I'm with you on that.
      When approaching people to acquaint with them, you can pretty much be yourself and have a good time. (It's why I stick with just acquainting and befriending people nowadays, much more enjoyable to me and the other party.)
      When asking someone out on a date, there's normally a certain expectation of showing your very best (and often faking stuff to appear even better) or it'll more likely end in a failed date. If someone was to ask me out, it shows my initial impression is good enough and I can be myself; I don't expect her to fake things or be flawless, and would be genuinely interested in her real self.

    • @Ananon Yea, absolutely. I agree.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I LOVE THIS
    i've thought about doing some legit statistical analysis and observational study on gag, but been too lazy. So way to go, thanks.

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    • Thanks bro. At least someone appreciates this. I just had one guy decide to shit all over it and essentially say it doesn't mean anything. Why can't people just take these things for what they are and keep their negative comments to themselves. I recognize the shortcomings in this thing and if there were a way to get around them I would've but I couldn't. This is probably gonna be my last time doing this because the negativity on this website is just too much to fucking handle sometimes.

    • I think this was a good idea I don't know why other people are getting upset.

    • @JSmuve: Don't let the negative comments get u down cuz unfortunately people are going to say something negative no matter what. Plus, when we put post things on this website or online on general, its open for all users to see, so there's bound to be some bad apples. I think u did a great MyTake, don't let anyone stop u from writing them. :)

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 20

  • OK dude, repeat after me:

    Simple is good.

    Simplistic is bad.

    You are trying to be simplistic here, and that never ends well. Never ends well.

    The problem is illustrated in this thread:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1854951-going-out-saturday-night-the-guy-i-m-into-will-be-there-which

    Read that thread. Read my comments, versus the general results.

    You see the problem.

    That girl's "outfit #1" is objectively sexier and better-looking. Her "outfit #3" looks like something she would wear to just netflix and chill, or whatevs.

    But, the problem is, that outfit #1 looks SO GOOD THAT IT MIGHT BE TOO INTIMIDATING.

    That's the problem here.

    There are a handful of men in the world like my husband, who is the interpersonal equivalent of a big-game hunter. He was always the type to scan a room, find the single most "unapproachable" woman, make a beeline for her, and take her to the nearest convenient location for coitus.

    On the other hand, 99.99999 percent of men are not like that, and so the problem is that BOTH extremes are bad.
    Too bad is bad, and too good is also bad. Yep. Problem.

    We girls, we have this weird, fragile equilibrium point that we're always trying to hit. It changes depending on location, season, time of day, expected audience, current events, time of month, performance of local sports teams (really), ... SO MANY FACTORS.

    Cut us some slack here dude.

    Either that, or dust yrself off and start going up to some of the "unapproachable" girls. We don't bite. (:

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  • ... any girl on here could've told you that... But this MyTake will help a lot of guys who still think women have it so easy...
    And help the ones that are afraid try to put those irrational fears aside.

    Great MyTake!

    45.media.tumblr.com/.../...182k6Y1shqas1o1_500.gif

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    • Compared to guys they do have it easy. Not one guy in the study was approached even once.

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    • @soyeah999

      In his study, as a group, the 51 women got approached 250 times (or close to it)

      The 29 guys got approached an average of zero times so I assume 14 or less total for the group.

      If it's not clear we are talking about having it 'easier' in one area of life not everything. And for one age cohort. I'd say single employed 50 year old men have t easier than single 50 year old women.

    • @0112358 okay, it wasn't clear so thanks.

  • You are seriously the MVG
    Yes most valuable gager

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  • I loved this take! For one thing, CHARTS AND GRAPHS! I love all things organized but there's also a lot of truth to it.
    I think a lot of guys will smile or say hi to a girl and think "I've approached her and apparently she's not interested" and the girl is just left thinking "oh he seems nice, he must not be interested in more."
    Men and women cold both be a lot more daring and open in thus aspect. You're right, most of the defeat is in your mind.

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  • I've been approached once my entire life, but it was only because the guy broke up with my friend and thought I'd say yes. When I declined, he was with her again.

    Besides that, you could count being asked via gaming chatroom. It was so awkward. It was at a gaming club and the guy literally sat next to me then invited me to a private gaming lobby and asked me there online.

    As far as other women and girls that I know, they don't get approached much either, but looks and stairs, yeah.

    Great take!

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  • I commend the effort you put into this myTake! Very impressive. :) I hope this will give some guys (and girls) that push they needed to approach someone they feel is attractive.

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  • I think that the conclusión we can dare here is that most people are insecure and dont have dating skills. Whether make or female.

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  • Great take!! Totally appreciate the time you took to make everything. 10/10 man.

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  • This is totally true. Which is why I decided to stop letting fear get the best of me. I approach any guy, that seems available, and catches my eye.

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  • i think this was a very good mytake, im glad i could be apart of it! although, i think for the questionnaire you maybe could have asked the girls have often they look at or approach men just to see a full 360 perspective. (such as women who get approached a lot, do they approach men a lot, or not at all or vice versa... so on and so forth) either way, well thought out and well executed!!

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  • Woah, you've executed this well. I want to be a part of your next study! I've had like 8 dates this year so I think I would've affected your results hah.

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  • I never been approached by any guy before so for that i have to be the one doing the approaching myself even if for some is not correct for a woman to chase and not to be chases is that wrong really?

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    • You have never been approached before? And I wouldn't be surprised if you were 14 but it says that you're 44. I really feel for you, ma'am.

    • @DBAOracle is the truth abd when did the approaching it backfired

  • It depends on where the girl lives, where she goes, etc

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  • After reading all that I'm sleepy

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  • One thing needs to be changed: the attractiveness factor should be labeled
    "confidence in attractiveness"
    because you asked the people how attractive they THINK they are.

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    • I think a better way to measure attractiveness is for guys to rate them.

  • Almost daily. No matter where I am at.

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  • Very well done

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  • My life for sure! I get a lot of stares, but I get asked out on average twice a year, maybe

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  • Wow that's some hardcore statistics you used there.
    Have you considered a carrer in science? :D

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  • I get approached in bars by over 50 year old dudes or mentally handicapped guys. That is it. I have gotten 0 numbers and been on 0 dates.

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What Guys Said 26

  • Girls get approached all the time, and just don't count it because she is so uninterested in the guy. Most of those girls don't count it as an approach unless the guy actually asks her out. She often rejects the guy with her body language long before he has a chance to ask her out so he doesn't bother and just walks away. I believe this would alter the numbers greatly. I have even seen girls get approached several times in the same day and then a couple of hours complain they never get approached.

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  • Wow, that's a lot of analysis and research you have done. Appreciate the efforts. And great myTake too!

    I too am one of those guys who never approaches really attractive girls. I assume that they're way above my league, so they're either already taken, or will reject me anyway. I guess I should take my chances with them henceforth! :P

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    • There no girl out your league because in the end she just another girl.

    • @cmale123

      Well... we're only kidding ourselves if we think that leagues don't exist. I mean... if there is a woman who is stunningly beautiful, is a pHd holder, has a really high paying job (or any combination of these), how would I ever have a chance with her? She's almost certain to choose a man in her league, over me.

    • You saying chances that its possible. Every girl you ask out or date. Is still base on chances? She had make that choice when you ask. What she got does not effect her decision but what she see you as is another story. Let say two girl who had phd, had good job and look pretty attractive. You ask both out. Rejected by both. Now let say you ask 100 or 1000 or even more have these quality. Would all be a no? Probably not because you ask them is no different then coin flip on chance

  • The results show that girls DO have it easy. Getting approached five times a year on average is a LOT. Compared to guys that's an extremely high number.

    Granted, the sample size is way too small, there is built in bias, etc. But if you are going to interpret the results it shows that girls really do have it easy.

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  • I don't think I've ever seen a guy cold approach a chick irl, or at least not enough to say that women do get approached on the regular. I can name more times I've been 'approached' by women than I can say men approach women (when I say female approach I just mean when they migrate near you/preen themselves/look at you/speak a bit louder so you hear them).

    I remember my buddy and I talking about this, and he said to me once "Think about how many times women look at you during the day, and realize that every single time you don't say hi, you've rejected them." and it made me realize that women are actually rejected a lot more than men are during the day.

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    • When I say that I don't see dude's approach women, I mean in public. Clearly women get approached in the clubs/at parties, but out and about the streets I rarely if ever see some dude nut up and talk to some random bird.

  • Yea, I just did a post about this. Got some good feed back as well. Except my question was more towards why don't girls approach guys more often. And this data seems to further solidify my point. Girls have gotten too complacent with batting an eye or playing with their hair to show some kind of interest or signal. I mean, these things are great and all, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl chasing after a guy, FIRST.

    What are divorce rates now these days? 50% in the first 3 years. 75% after 10 years of being married. And why is this? Is it because society, for whatever reason, has flipped the roles of genders? Should guys be chasing girls? Is this even attractive to girls? I have always found that girls, in general, are only attracted to me if I do not pursue (chase) them. But rather have the guy have attractive qualities that make them pursue me (the guy).

    Whats more attractive for a lady? (girls do want a manly man right) So a guy who needlessly is trying to 'impress' a girl is going to attract her? Or is a guy who stands firm and exudes manliness will attract the girl to him? Just my 2 cents. No need to yell at me...

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  • A lot of women HATE male attention too & can be brutal towards men they don't find attractive , also with all these " street harassment " videos put up by angry , man hating women plus corporate sexual harassment seminars, the message most men get regarding approaching women is " Don't even look , let alone approach " , these days merely being male is a crime , male sexuality is always described as " perverted , rapey , disgusting "etc , so men are made to feel predatory for even looking. This blog is food for thought , some of the comments are quite bitter !!

    edumckaytion.com/blog/men-notice-women-anymore/

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  • Pretty cool post. The graphs threw me off a bit but most of this is everything I've thought about and have tried to tell other people.

    However, the idea that women get approached more isn't entirely a guy's psychological thing. Society and the media actually do program people to think k that women are more desirable than men, and thus get approached more. Even females themselves try to boost their egos by claiming they get "hit on" all the time, because they want us to believe they're that desirable. Plus those cat call street experiments on YouTube don't help either. So yeah, I agree that it's mostly an illusion.

    And let us not forget that attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder: a hot girl to 10 guys is still just plain or boring to 10 other guys or more, and vice versa.

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  • I think your sample size was too small to really draw any serious conclusions. Also the fact you had people rate their own attractiveness kinda invalidates things in my opinion.

    I really respect the ammount of effort you put into it though 👍

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    • I mentioned both of those things two paragraphs in. Did you skip over it or decide to comment on it in case I've forgotten about it?

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    • But thats the thing, its all opinion. What one person thinks is invalid, someone else might think is valid. It begs the larger question of what size does one need to be valid? Ask 10 people and get 10 different answers. Regardless, the purpose of the take was to get people thinking about their own personal perceptions. It wasn't supposed to be gospel like you seem to be taking it but something to challenge preconceived notions and get people thinking. If you want to shit all over the thing then thats your prerogative but I hardly think you can throw the baby out with the bathwater. Try to see the big picture here.

    • It begs the larger question of what size does one need to be valid? Ask 10 people and get 10 different answers.

      Generally the larger the size the lower the margin of error. Sure you'd ask 10 different people they would give 10 different answers but I'd bet they'd all pick a number significantly greater than 80.
      Especially considering this is supposed to provide insight into the dating experiences of all men and women in general, 80 is too small. Also like I said they rated their own attractiveness which is really unreliable.

      I didn't "shit all over it" I just respectfully expressed an unfavorable opinion.

      All of the other opinions were positive why focus on the one negative one.

      I'm just a dumb asshole, forget I said anything 😶

  • I love the effort that you put it into this study. But i think there is a huge flaw with this study, and that the women and guys in general in here are probably people that have a lot of problems dating or relationships. Girls that do not seem to have that issue, won't have the need to be here... ever. I know some girl friends who are really good looking and they always get approached, specially in parties; they get free drinks and guys talking to them all the time.

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    • Ya but I never said that attractive girls never get approached often. All I said is that it may not be as normative as people seem to believe.

    • still though, i still think the women on here are not a good enough example for this study because it would distort the results heavily.

  • This was well made and well thought out. Good job dude.

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  • i do get approached from gay guys 1-2 times a year. i´m straight though :/

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  • Out of your sample of 80, one persone went on a date within the last year?

    This is a sad day for GAG.

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  • If guys need to start approaching hotter women for the sake of their happiness, I'll gladly and selflessly fall on that sword.

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  • I think the girls were modest in their answers. 36 guys none went on dates?

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    • This does explain the baffled looks on some of their faces when I walk up an approach a girl in the middle of the day.

  • Should do another survey about who's more receptive towards advances.

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  • You would think they do, but maybe not?

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  • Very, very good. Well done.

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  • Love... proven by science!!!

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  • woman have it easy

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  • This sucks for men, but oh well. I know women get approached more online and by approached I mean they get harassed with hundreds of messages daily.

    Online dating is next to useless for guys because unless you have a huge income and huge dick pick, the girl is gonna be looking at hundreds of messages a day. Your chances are too low.

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