"That Ain't Me" Syndrome

Gentlemen, I have a question for you that I need you to answer honestly: Where Do You Feel You Measure Up On the Totem Pole?

You probably don't like the question and you probably can't articulate an answer without thinking about it for a while, but internally and subconciouslly you already know it because you act it out everyday.

The identity is an image that we carry everyday. It's like a story of someone that exists that came mainly out of circumstances in your life outside your own control, but that you have believed is true about you because you think you came up with it on your own.

Here's the problem, where you feel you measure up...wherever your "identity" is on the pole is the limit that you can ever do in life. So, let's talk about what we really care about: girls! You can only be as successful with the girl you like as you yourself believe yourself capable of being. This sounds obvious, but so many of us brave into it believing wholeheartedly that we have no chance and are not the type of guy that gets the girl hoping for some fluke to happen and the other 90,000 times getting bitterly rejected and having the sum of our fears confirmed.

But what if you didn't see it as a mark but as a mere measurement of where you've come but not where you're going. Looks, money, time whatever lacking those things I suppose could slow you down in terms of all the women in the world, but the girls themselves are limits. It takes a while to develop not only physically but mentally into a great man. It isn't an overnight process. And many guys have help along the way in the form of great friends who introduce them, great parents who raise them and guide them, great resources to develop their talents and ability to provide. But if you don't have these helping hands, it will just take you longer but not really considering most people in life who have anything are spoiled and don't want to develop great potential because it's too much work. The fact that you don't have this helping hand is a blessing in a sense because it teaches you that you have to work to develop your personality, your looks, your finances etc. They don't just come whenever you want them.

But back to identity. You think you've always been this guy, right? You haven't. It mostly developed in reaction to things that happened to you and that you experienced. For instance, if you had a very soft, meek father you may react by being really strong and loud even in situations that don't call for it because you've seen the negative effects of being meek when you're male. OR you love your father dearly and so you reacted by mirroring him and becoming just as meek as he is. Whatever the case, this is now your "identity." This is how you see yourself. This is who you think you are and you don't think you can ever change. You are forever a meek person.

But what if I were to ask you to do something like where your girlfriend heels to pick up groceries?

Now hold on with me...there's a point to this.

What would you say? You'd say "nah, that...that ain't me man. That'll never be me. Well, now you are literally seeing your identity in action. It's something that prevents you from being anything other than how you see yourself and operates on a basis of limitations to ever alter it. But alter it you can.

pavlove is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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  • You have a quiet reasonable thinking when it comes to logic!
    I personally see my self as a guy who's desperately trying to achieve something that he can do/be. I don't have what it takes to get my self on the top of the totem pole.

  • Not sure but I think I more or less answered this last weekend:


  • Top of pole master race.

  • you're talking from a different perspective

  • That's funny because I feel like I'm sitting on the totem pole and yet still feel like I ain't for every girl. I don't feel like I need to develop into anything. I am how I am.