3 Big Reasons Why I Hate the Current Dating Culture

[Jolson131]

The dating culture is rigged, and at the risk of seeming like the whiny kid who gets on the internet every time he doesn't get his way, I will explain why. Also, this isn't an attack on men or women, just what I have noticed.

It favors women

This is so glaringly obvious, but most women just deny it. Who is expected to make the first move? Who is generally expected to pay for dates? The emotional support? Provide physical safety? It seems that largely in dating men take on the task of catering to her and her needs.

Double standards

What's hers is hers and what's mine is hers. Yes, this is just a playful poke at women's tendencies, to collect property of their current boyfriend. But the same stays true throughout the early stages of dating. For example, on Facebook I see girls posting quotes about how men won't talk to them or how they want to be treated with respect, and those same girls are at the club every weekend with their ass out and repeat the process.

Or my favorite is the selection process. Guys get shamed looking for traits in girls, but women get to be uber-selective, and sometimes can't even remain consistent and jump from guy to guy.

What about the shy guys?

I have always been tentative around girls for most of my life because of a lot of trauma directly related to my interest in them from earlier in my life. By no means am I shy, but I have no belief that a girl would want to talk to me or be involved romantically. Now to me, most would say, "you have to forget all that and grow a pair and ask her out".

I bet you would have a little different response if it was a girl saying all the same things. Probably something like, "just be patient and the right guy will go talk to you. He doesn't deserve you if he wouldn't talk to you." Why doesn't a shy guy deserve a girl? Maybe he just needs the same thing.

Thanks for reading, let me know what your thoughts are. Let's keep it civil. 😁

[Spectrumom]

You said this isn't aimed at men or women but it is clearly aimed at women. C'mon now.

1. You might be right in that many women expect men to pay for dates, do the asking out, etc. However, there are plenty of men who are put off by women who pursue, women who are more aggressive, etc. I've experienced it. I personally insist that I pay my own way, whether the dude likes it or not. Because if I don't like him or hit it off I am not going to feel obligated to see him again because he bought my dinner.

Although I am blanking on how women aren't expected to provide emotional support. Elaborate.

2. Women who are not modest aren't less deserving of your respect as people. It is fine if you prefer a woman who is modest but there is really no reason for you to act as if they don't deserve respect. You respect people for who they are, not how well they fit your idea of who they ideally should be.

Men and women are equally responsible for being selective. If you've ever dated online as a woman, you'll see it. Statements like "I like to be active" or "I stay fit" are great ways to let us know that you're going to be overly critical of our bodies or that you already have an idea of what we should look like. Which is wrong, women shouldn't do that either. You can't dream up an idea of how a potential mate should look and then reject people who don't fit your imaginary vision.

I have to beg to differ that this favors women. If that were true, "dadbod" wouldn't be a positive thing and men would think stretch marks were hot. But instead women are gaining 40 lbs and birthing children and being shamed for how it affects their body. Yet men are encouraged because they chose to get fat while their SO was pregnant.

3. You being shy isn't a dating culture problem, that is a personal issue in your control. You do have to put yourself out there and if you get rejected, move on from it. It isn't about someone not deserving you. It's about not everyone liking you necessarily and that's okay. Someone else's opinion of you is just their opinion. Not your reality.

[AnonRom]

1. I don't know your personal experience but I have never met a man who dislikes when a girl is independent. It might be that he thinks you are running your offer as a shit test (I have seen it happen).
2. I don't disagree here as far as attraction goes the only difference is that men are shamed for having standards while women are celebrated for having high standards.
3. I couldn't agree more here and I'm a pretty shy guy myself with people I find attractive its something that can be held as a standard and its something guys should work with if they want more girls to like them.

[ModernDayCrusader]

Lets bring back honor, family, and upholding traditions and values
When a woman honors herself and her family and upholds traditional values
Herself becomes infinitely more valuable

I wouldn't mind, courting a woman who was worth it. I wouldn't mind spending money on a girl, taking her out and making her feel good.

I mind that women generally do very little and expect so much when it comes to dating

[lizziepooh03]

It is not the current dating culture you should hate but the whole male/female dynamic.

What you listed is just life. Yes - dating is favored to the women. Men court and women pick. This is how most things are done in nature. Look to birds and their mating patterns and watch those male birds dance for a female. lol!

You can't hate something for just be something? Can you?

[Darkone1]

But in nature also accepts males as dominant and having every edge on weak females out there, they fuck multiple partners and change the list of partners every year. They always use weak females,

You will accept this Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
I know what you will say now, Hi I am feminist , You just disrespect the female gender, we deserve rights and equality and stuff like that. If those poor beings are not good they could have replaced us as dominant species, So don't bring nature in to this.

[Harpesian]

But what if you CAN hate something for just being something?

[Jolson131]

Also, women used to want a gentleman. Now they want a gentleman in the form of an asshole... which doesn't make anysense

[Scrambledagain]

Dudes. She is right. You can hate the sun for being bright, but that's the way it is. No point in wasting it over things you can't change.

Which is why I am an advocate for prostitutes. A guy can pay for which a woman can choose (casual sex only). So a mans wallet is to him what a woman's beauty is to her and the richer you become, the more options you get.

[Darkone1]

@Scrambledagain You are scary dude.

[Scrambledagain]

@Darkone1 thanks. I'm logical. It's so black n white for me.

There is a reason why things are the way they are (ie why the sun is bright) Like, it's very simple right: I have a business trip coming up. I want to get laid (nothing wrong with that). But I only have a week in that major city I'm going to. So I can try "get lucky" with a girl at a pub (which I will try do), but as we can all agree on, it's harder for a guy. So my plan b is a sex worker. Same intention, just that the latter is a guarantee over the highly improbable former.

[lizziepooh03]

@Darkone1 I am not sure if I agree that they always use weak females but I believe I understand your point. You are saying that in nature it is often true that the male animal chases a female down and then humps her and yes that is true. Most often in nature, sex is happening by rape not consent.

However, your point is to the ridiculous. There are many things that occur in nature that we, humans, believe are immoral. One example is rape. Another is that it may be natural for a squirrel to steal the nuts of another squirrel but we would call that theft. Or the fact the male hedgehogs will kill their offspring so the female will go into heat sooner, we humans would call that infanticide/murder.

My point was to say that there are some things that are just inherent to male/female dynamic and we are better served if we accept and work within those confines then just rail against them and wish that they would just somehow be different. I do not expect these things will change.

[lizziepooh03]

@Harpesian Well, you can hate something for being something. Sure. Of course you can. I just do not think it is effective.

[lizziepooh03]

@Jolson131 I wish I could say that wanting a "bad boy" was a new cultural thing but unfortunately, it isn't. It is wrong and I do not understand why women do that but I do know that a lot of women will pick a bad guy over a good guy. I have never understood it myself but I do know it happens.

What I can say is, this usually happens in younger females more often than older females. I am not sure what makes women change as they get older. I think it is a combination of being wiser due to experience and also having different priorities later in their dating life than what they had earlier.

Unfortunately, I believe the most common time this happens is within your age range. As you get older, this will change.

So things aren't so doom and gloom I will leave you with - a benefit to men that is not generally available to women is that men get better with age. So as you age and if you are still single, there will come a time where the dating world is in your favor and not the female.

[lizziepooh03]

@Scrambledagain If sex is your goal this is an option. I do think it is a bit risky physically having sex with prostitutes but it is your risk to take. I do think you may consider looking into having a sexual relationship with one female and that she is not a prostitute. I think it is possible to have a sexual relationship with one person over several years where neither want a relationship or other sexual partners. You are at that age where this could be an option and it will be less risk. Just a thought...

[Scrambledagain]

Well the risk is high in America. Hence prostitution should be legalised. I'm in Oz. Te Std rate is lower is the sex worker population than the general population.

That said, nope. My party is only beginning. I find it funny how everyone says you must see the world, explore cultures and cuisines etc. but this doesn't apply to sex? I'm an explorer and multiple women is the way I role.

The difference is, a woman can choose this path easily (as sex is ridiculously easy for a girl to get) but most men can't. Hence paying for it. Same intention, same person, just a different way of going about it.

[lizziepooh03]

@Scrambledagain

You: That said, nope. My party is only beginning. I find it funny how everyone says you must see the world, explore cultures and cuisines etc. but this doesn't apply to sex? I'm an explorer and multiple women is the way I role.

Me: I think it is natural for a man to want variety. I think that variety is a thing in the male sexual natural more than it is ever in a female sexual nature. I also think that is probably why it is more accepted in society for a male to have multiple partners than it is accepted for a female to have more.

You: The difference is, a woman can choose this path easily (as sex is ridiculously easy for a girl to get) but most men can't. Hence paying for it. Same intention, same person, just a different way of going about it.

Me: True. This is the most efficient way of a man guaranteeing sex for the night. However, regardless of whether we are in OZ or USA, being with a prostitute is probably a no-no on the list of things we want in a partner.

[Harpesian]

"Effective"? But ya don't control what ya don't like... for example, I hate cockroaches simply for existing. Not that I technically have anything against them, I just hate that I have to encounter them.

[Scrambledagain]

- first point is debatable. I mean their are tons of factors that play into what you said.

- but second point. yes you right, most women don't like it. But then women didn't like many things in a man to begin with to make him get into this position either? A man who can't get women won't get a woman. This is beyond getting a sex worker or not.

you seem to get that women have it easier than a man in sex. so if any woman that agrees with this (or promiscuity in general) but doesn't like a man who goes with prostitutes: she is a contradict or selfish (or both). It's logical.
Additionally, a man who doesn't see prostitutes because people tell him it's "bad" or "gross" and doesn't experience life because of this, is a pussy nice guy, which is repulsive to women too.

Then because I know women frown on it, I simply lie about it. No women will know (only gagers).

[lizziepooh03]

@Harpesian That is fine to not like cockroaches. Who does? lol! But the difference between thinking women and cockroaches are the same is thinking that you do not want to see women again. lol! Assuming your a heterosexual male than I assume you want a women to like you which means that you do want to see them again. :)

Totally an option to think women are just like cockroaches. If you want to never meet another women again, this would be the way to play it. Just saying...

[lizziepooh03]

@Scrambledagain

You: first point is debatable.

Me: Maybe. But not relevant to this discussion though interesting on its own I think. :)

You: second point. yes you right, most women don't like it. But then women didn't like many things in a man to begin with to make him get into this position either? A man who can't get women won't get a woman. This is beyond getting a sex worker or not.

Me: Counting on women to be rational or logical about anything especially something taboo is silly. You might as well expect the tide to fight the moon. It just won't happen. If you ultimately want to end up with a women in a serious relationship then being with one prostitute will harm you more than being with willing mulitple non-paying sex partners will harm you. Just saying... right or wrong, it is just how most people will think.

You: Then because I know women frown on it, I simply lie about it.

Me: That is your prerogative. My wish for you is to not have to hide any aspect of yourself.

[Scrambledagain]

- lol yeah I can go on forever with the first one.

- second:) I'm not concerned with what people think. It's my life, my existence. If I want a serious relationship, it will be with a woman who accepts sex work. If men could get multiple "non-paying" sex, then we would wouldn't we?

But that rule doesn't apply to many men as we have both agreed to.

I have to hide. History is littered with good people who were burnt at the stake for thinking differently. Just because I see the world as round, not flat (that logic which women don't seem to get as you said), doesn't mean I don't want to get laid. So I will tell them, the world is flat if it needs be ;)

[lizziepooh03]

@Scrambledagain Just because we both agree that getting sex is not as easy for a man as it is for a female does not mean we both have the same idea of what will be acceptable in getting sex.

I still say that having sex with a prostitute will harm you more than having sex with a loose women will do. But whatever, you are a male so having sex is your nature and won't ultimately harm you... no matter how "bad".

If you are woman and if you have sex to have sex and no relationship, you might as well be the devil.

This is a fact and how it works... unfortunately.

[Scrambledagain]

But having sex with a loose woman is something that many men can't get, hence the demand for prostitution no? It's not a matter of choice. That's what this all boils down to. Choice. Many men have no choice. It's either pay or nothing.

(Lol it also saves time and drama which is why I fully understand why powerful people use them😂)

But this will become a moral relativism debate.

It just always amuses me: prostitution and the demand for it. There is a reason for it.

[Harpesian]

I never likened women to cockroaches! I only brought up cockroaches because they're a thing that I can hate for just being something!
It's "the whole male/female dynamic" that I was talking about at first. I do hate that because I far prefer most female gender roles to male ones.

[Darkone1]

@Scrambledagain Yep but its fucking logical female are weak and they need to accept it.

[AnonRom]

@Darkone1 Nah bro have you ever looked up male vs. female lions. Like most animals have weaker females because they have to birth offspring and near constant pregnancy is advantageous but not all species nice try though

[Darkone1]

@AnonRom seriously, Can you prove it?
I can if you want scientific evidence.

[Youdoyouboo]

Hey, I love your post. Totally agree with everything ℅100. Basically if you don't go by the world's "rules of dating" you're an outcast. You couldn't have put it better. I hate dating lol sometimes it makes me feel like the little woman **pat on the head**. Not sure if that makes sense but.. also, the chivalry thing is sweet to a point but when its expected.. gag me with a spoon. Wait. Don't even gag me just shove it all the way down and let me die questioning my sexuality.

[thecd1979]

Yes sir, I agree there's lots of double standards. Best thing anyone can do is not take it all so serious and just focus on themselves, their goals, working hard , being happy and enjoying their life. If its meant to be the right person will come along

[Glue-Sniffer]

This has nothing to do with the current dating scene. It has been like this for virtually since the dawn of time.
The only difference is that now parents don't go around and find their kids appropriate matches like they did some 150 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I don't necessarily hate it. There is just a balance to it. One person gets it easy while another will get fucked. It's simply just finding yourself as one or the other. I've come to accept it so I just don't focus on romance and just focus on other aspects of my life. At night it can suck lying alone but the rest of my time awake it's not so bad.

[martyfellow]

Chuckle, you should make a mini-documentary with the characters in the illustrations.

[Jolson131]

Hahahahaha best idea yes

[martyfellow]

Yes, generally, in the state of traditional dating now, girls are more and more exempt from ANY criticism for their behavior, no matter how shallow or selfish, while guys get put down most all the time unless they are wealthy.

[martyfellow]

this is why more and more people, guys especially, opt out of traditional dating now. I gave it up at 17 and never looked back, and I feel I saved myself from a lot of the double standards you mention.

[Fathoms77]

Shyness works very differently in the dating world for both men and women, that's for sure. :)

[yucel_eden]

I agree with all of this but unfortunately we can't change things.

[smorgasbord]

ok, so you're a man cannot handle rejection or things that aren't in your favour? cool.

[Anonymous]

Love this take, agree 100%!