Even though some people think focusing on the physical appearance of someone is shallow, physical attraction is important, at least to other people. For me I know I need to be physically/sexually attracted to someone to even consider dating them. I've been through it and it wasn't pretty. It was a lesson learned and I knew then just how important physical attraction was to me.
1. Physical affection becomes a chore.
My ex was a good person. He treated me right, was very fun and intelligent and we got along great. However I never found him handsome, or even cute. I never wanted to be physical with him. I avoided sex and kissing and when we cuddled I never looked him in the eye. I was more comfortable sitting across from him than with him. It was horrible for both of us; he didn't feel wanted and I felt like a shitty person because I failed every time I tried to force myself to physically want him.
I would hate it if someone did that to me and I don't want to do that to another person. I love sex and affection as much as the next person and it would hurt me if I found out my partner didn't want to be near me.
2. You don't just " become attractive" to some people.
Some people find as they get to know someone attraction and lust for the person grows as well. That has never happened for me and I'm sure it hasn't happened for everyone. You look how you look to me and if the first time I'm not attracted it just won't happen. I've had friends tell me after the honey moon phrase was over they went back to not finding their partner attractive. I think this is especially true for SOME people who are exceptionally good looking.
3. Breaking up solely because you don't find your partner attractive.
This is pretty harsh. There are people who have broken up with their partners because they didn't find them attractive enough. Everything in the relationship could be perfect, they could really love their partner, but if they're unhappy because they can't get over not being physically attracted to their partner they don't want to stay. Even worse, the person may cheat simply because they found someone that peaks their sexual interest. I didn't cheat on my ex but I did look at people I found attractive and wondered what it would be like with them. It sucks because at the end of the day you can't control everything about how you look. This happened to me and my ex and to this day I still feel horrible about it. He got hurt very badly and I can only imagine how hurt other people have been. No one wants to go through this.
This comes off as very shallow but I like what I like and I have preferences, just like other people. My preference happens to have more focus on the physical aspect. I wish I didn't think like this becsuse personality is what really makes a person yet it doesn't work trying to force yourself to feel anything. I've been on the end where guys didn't find me attractive enough so I know how much it hurts. And I damn sure won't date anyone who doesn't find me attractive either. Idc how much they love me, there is still the possibility of it going to shit and I'd rather avoid all of that.
I know someone is questioning me. "Why would you care so much when it happened to you?" Before I got with my ex I didn't understand. I didn't put forth a lot of effort into my appearance. My nose is also pretty big and I was (and still am) insecure about it. But at the time, after talks with my family to romantic shows and movies, I was convinced no one would care, they would love me for me no matter how I look. Every one I liked was one of the more good looking guys but they always turned me down. Eventually I learned that I was considered one of the ugly girls because of the way I dressed, did (didn't do) my hair, and because of my nose. After that I had my friends help me with outfits and my friends but I never went for the cute guys again because my self esteem was still shot.
My ex was actually a friend and I thought we would be great together even though I didn't like the way he looked. I was dead wrong and finally understood why those guys turned me down. Fast forward to now: I grew into my face and its cute even though my nose is still fucking huge and takes away from it, I have some curves, and I always make sure I look good. I'm not absolutely gorgeous but I've been described as above average and I would be better if I had a nose job (not happening and yes, someone said this to me). I'm also darker, something I've recently learned isn't attractive to some men. I know I won't be considered attractive to many men but I've come to accept and understand this and won't put myself in the position of dating anyone I find unattractive. Of course I've been single more than I've been with someone because my options are so limited but I'm not unhappy about it nor do I complain.
Perhaps this will change as I get older but for now it is what it is. Let the comments begin.
*Everyone is ugly to someone. This is just me talking about me.