3 Reasons Why I Won't Date Someone I Don't Find Physically Attractive

Even though some people think focusing on the physical appearance of someone is shallow, physical attraction is important, at least to other people. For me I know I need to be physically/sexually attracted to someone to even consider dating them. I've been through it and it wasn't pretty. It was a lesson learned and I knew then just how important physical attraction was to me.

3 Reasons Why I Won't Date Someone I Don't Find Physically Attractive

1. Physical affection becomes a chore.

My ex was a good person. He treated me right, was very fun and intelligent and we got along great. However I never found him handsome, or even cute. I never wanted to be physical with him. I avoided sex and kissing and when we cuddled I never looked him in the eye. I was more comfortable sitting across from him than with him. It was horrible for both of us; he didn't feel wanted and I felt like a shitty person because I failed every time I tried to force myself to physically want him.

I would hate it if someone did that to me and I don't want to do that to another person. I love sex and affection as much as the next person and it would hurt me if I found out my partner didn't want to be near me.

2. You don't just " become attractive" to some people.

Some people find as they get to know someone attraction and lust for the person grows as well. That has never happened for me and I'm sure it hasn't happened for everyone. You look how you look to me and if the first time I'm not attracted it just won't happen. I've had friends tell me after the honey moon phrase was over they went back to not finding their partner attractive. I think this is especially true for SOME people who are exceptionally good looking.

3. Breaking up solely because you don't find your partner attractive.

This is pretty harsh. There are people who have broken up with their partners because they didn't find them attractive enough. Everything in the relationship could be perfect, they could really love their partner, but if they're unhappy because they can't get over not being physically attracted to their partner they don't want to stay. Even worse, the person may cheat simply because they found someone that peaks their sexual interest. I didn't cheat on my ex but I did look at people I found attractive and wondered what it would be like with them. It sucks because at the end of the day you can't control everything about how you look. This happened to me and my ex and to this day I still feel horrible about it. He got hurt very badly and I can only imagine how hurt other people have been. No one wants to go through this.

This comes off as very shallow but I like what I like and I have preferences, just like other people. My preference happens to have more focus on the physical aspect. I wish I didn't think like this becsuse personality is what really makes a person yet it doesn't work trying to force yourself to feel anything. I've been on the end where guys didn't find me attractive enough so I know how much it hurts. And I damn sure won't date anyone who doesn't find me attractive either. Idc how much they love me, there is still the possibility of it going to shit and I'd rather avoid all of that.

3 Reasons Why I Won't Date Someone I Don't Find Physically Attractive

I know someone is questioning me. "Why would you care so much when it happened to you?" Before I got with my ex I didn't understand. I didn't put forth a lot of effort into my appearance. My nose is also pretty big and I was (and still am) insecure about it. But at the time, after talks with my family to romantic shows and movies, I was convinced no one would care, they would love me for me no matter how I look. Every one I liked was one of the more good looking guys but they always turned me down. Eventually I learned that I was considered one of the ugly girls because of the way I dressed, did (didn't do) my hair, and because of my nose. After that I had my friends help me with outfits and my friends but I never went for the cute guys again because my self esteem was still shot.

My ex was actually a friend and I thought we would be great together even though I didn't like the way he looked. I was dead wrong and finally understood why those guys turned me down. Fast forward to now: I grew into my face and its cute even though my nose is still fucking huge and takes away from it, I have some curves, and I always make sure I look good. I'm not absolutely gorgeous but I've been described as above average and I would be better if I had a nose job (not happening and yes, someone said this to me). I'm also darker, something I've recently learned isn't attractive to some men. I know I won't be considered attractive to many men but I've come to accept and understand this and won't put myself in the position of dating anyone I find unattractive. Of course I've been single more than I've been with someone because my options are so limited but I'm not unhappy about it nor do I complain.

Perhaps this will change as I get older but for now it is what it is. Let the comments begin.

*Everyone is ugly to someone. This is just me talking about me.

3 Reasons Why I Won't Date Someone I Don't Find Physically Attractive


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Most Helpful Guy

  • yeah i wouldn't date someone i didn't find attractive either.

    I'm pretty sure almost everyone is that way, even the one's who say they aren't.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I had this problem. I dated a guy who just wasn't my type appearance wise. He was good to me but I didn't want to kiss him or for him to touch me. It was just weird for me. I tried to make it work, I hoped it would change for me but it wasn't working. He felt rejected and would lash out at me, and then I would be upset, plus me not finding him attractive and I just wanted to break up with him so bad, so we did. It just didn't work.

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What Guys Said 15

  • Makes sense. They don't have to be a superstar in terms of looks, but physical attraction is needed to get the maximum in your relationship. Lack of physical attraction can have a negative impact on the sexual and even intimate parts of relationships. No one is perfect so sacrifice is a norm, but there is a limit to how much sacrifice you should do.

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  • Well yeah obviously don't date someone you dont find attractive. Although at the same time don't have unrealistic expectations (99% females) that men can't meet. Especially if you don't have anything to offer a man besides your vagina.

    These days we have land whales in US, AU and UK nations demanding their boyfriends to be above 6ft tall, jacked, pretty boy and makes over 6 figures. Women have this self entitled attitude towards men and wonder why no man will harpoon her.

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  • Rocket science, really. What's next, you're gonna tell us the earth circles around the sun?

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    • Seriously. y'all have to chill. Everything isn't obvious to everybody and everyone doesn't have the same views.

    • You'd be surprised how many people say a person's shallow for not wanting to date someone they're not physically attracted to.

    • @bloodmountain1990 in my opinion, they're the shallow ones. If it's about MY love/sex/social life, I'll discriminate as much as I please. I've rejected girls for far less than physical attraction.

  • Yeah, I went through this recently. The girl had a good personality, but whenever I kissed her I felt nothing and I always tried to avoid sex. You just end up hurting the person really bad in the end.

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    • Trying to have sex with someone you're not physically attracted to it awkward. I once did it, not with a girl I dated but just wanted a one night stand and I did it out of desperation and it was awkward because I couldn't get it up. I mean she wasn't repulsive but I still was not attracted to her and believe me they get offended by it.

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    • @Tony1974 damn, dodged a bullet then. I eventually had sex with this girl but unfortunately I found out she was sleeping around while I was sleeping with her so that it made it awkward, and then she ended up turning it around on me like it was my fault.

    • @bloodmountain1990 Of course it's your fault; guys are always at fault. That's why I don't bother with most of them... they are usually looking for their next scapegoat...

  • I won't either but people shame me all the time if I mention how unsuccessful I am when it comes to dating. Most of the women I end up liking are either already in relationships or don't feel the same way. Many of the women that are in relationships never felt a need to mention a boyfriend until after we've had a "date".

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    • That's shitty. How does someone not mention that? Good thing though, you don't need that type of drama in your life. I feel you though. I don't talk about not dating anyone anymore because people tell me I'm just too picky. But yeah, I always like people who don't like me back either. It's frustrating but I don't want to settle.

    • Shitty indeed but that's the female of the species mating strategy; constantly trading up for better genes and security.

  • media.giphy.com/media/NnGGHE0muVqpO/giphy.gif

    Bravo! Bravo! (Tossing a rose on the stage) Bravo! Bravo!

    Anon, you have demonstrated why I want to see an end to the word "shallow" as it pertains to people and physical attraction.

    P. S., I had a relationship very similar to yours. It proved to me once and for all how hurtful it can be for everyone involved and never to do it again. Furthermore, I married a woman and we were wildly physically attracted to each other. It worked out wonderfully. To those who say physical attraction disappears in time, I reply it hadn't disappeared with me and my wife right up until her passing.

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  • I won't date anyone that I'm not both physically and spiritually attracted too. All the while I know that eventually (after marriage) she's going to loose some of her outer beauty. Hopefully by that time I won't need that sort of thing as much.

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  • You are completely right and one person that thinks like you can't be called shallow, but real and honest! You also didn't cheat your ex so you are perfectly great and on your own right. I am like you, never had a serious relationship because never felt attracted, most girls that I liked physically too were already in relationships. I can tell you that it is very hard to find someone that you like and likes you back mentally and physically too, at least for me haven't found one yet lol. I find hot girls have fun but stupid, I may find intelligent amazing girls that I don't feel attracted. I hope to find one that is just right that I can look in pleasure and talk and feel amazing with her

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  • I have one reason why I won't date someone I don't find physically attractive.

    1) I DON'T FIND THEM PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE!

    Whoa, what a concept.

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    • Okay?

    • I'm just saying, why do we need reasons not to date someone who's not physically attractive to us? Isn't that reason enough?

  • Doesn't all three told here lead up to the same thing?

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  • Nice take. Everything correct.

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  • Looks matter more than confidence and personality bottom line if they didn't , gold diggers would never have relationships which they do even long term ones and players and bad boys would never have them either

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  • Great take. Physical attraction and sex isn't everything, but it still matters in a relationship. Anyone who says differently is lying, well except for couples who wait till marriage for sex.

    If I can't picture myself kissing or having sex with someone, it won't work out. Not that I expect a girl to be knockout gorgeous, but at least somewhat attractive.

    There were times where I lowered my standards and saw people I had very little to no attraction to out of desperation and it was a waste of time. I couldn't force myself to be attracted and I felt shitty. Because they weren't bad people but I just wasn't attracted and why date someone if you don't see it going anywhere?

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  • ok, but then as you said you don't find yourself attractive, then nobody attractive should date you applying this logic? only attractive people will have relationships?

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    • I didn't at first but now I do

  • Being attracted to your partner is important I agree. But I dislike seeing girls put standards on guys when they can't meet certain themselves. Unless a girl has big boobs, big butt and curves, I think it doesn't make much sense for her to require a guy being 6ft tall, have muscles and abs etc.

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    • It doesn't really matter though, everyone's free to be attracted to what they're attracted to. Just because she may not be attractive doesn't mean she can't desire a guy who's attractive, whether she'll get one is another story though.

    • @Kkaos true. Let's be honest too, an ugly chick can hook up with a handsome stud but won't get a relationship with them.

What Girls Said 7

  • I totally agree with this. I don't think someone's personality, no matter how amazing, can overshadow my thought that they are unattractive physically. Touch and physical contact is so important to me in a relationship so this is necessary for me as well.

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  • I agree. And this is not wrong at all. But it must be mentioned that beauty (thankfully!) is subjective and in the eye of the beholder. So a guy you find attractive might not be even average looking to me! Other than that I agree especially to that fact that it would be very unfair to your partner if you can not be intimate with him/her later on the basis of their looks.

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  • I agree, I am the same way. In order for me to fully like and us to be a couple I have to be attracted to the guy. Looks matter to me.

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  • I learned the exact same thing during a ons who was fit, but I found unattractive and just went with him just because.

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  • Why do you need 5 reasons, just the one is enough. not physically attracted.

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  • i listen my mind but yeah i wouldn't date someone i dont find attractive either

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  • Um... DUHHHHH.

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    • Thanks for the upvote ANON. :)

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    • Oh that wasn't me. It may be obvious to some people but there are obviously people out there who don't get it.

    • I still got 1 XPER point even though you downvoted lol

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