Guys; If You're Not Gonna Put Out, Then Get Out!

Guys; If You're Not Gonna Put Out, Then Get Out!

I keep hearing and reading about men complaining that their woman doesn't put out enough. Or that the men has to jump through hoops and back in order to actually get sex every once in a while.

But here is the reality- there are also men out there that play games, or that feel entitled and use sex to get what they want. So here is my personal experience.

I met Owen when I was in my 3rd year of University. He was everything that I wanted in a guy; loyal, sweet, funny and motivated. A year into us dating however, I began to see that he was changing. We were living together and often times he would come home in a bad mood. Whether it was work, or the stress of school or family- it seemed that he would take it out on me. When I say "take it out on me", I mean he would stop all affection and refuse to be intimate. I remember I would put on sexy lingerie and hug him, and he would push me back and tell me "not now". It became so degrading for me, that my self esteem had withered away.

It only became worse, when I found out that Owen was manipulating me in exchange for sex. I had attempted to express to Owen that I was very upset about his lack of affection and that I couldn't go for 2 months without anything. He shushed me and told me "well if you continue to talk like that, then I'm not gonna want to bang you". I would be quiet and then he would hold me and we would have sex.

Then our relationship started to further deteriorate when Owen started using every reason to hold sex over me. He would pick stupid fights like, "You didn't respond over an hour to my text", or "You way too many guy friends", all as excuses as to why he was too mad to have sex with me. He would "reward" me with sex when I had complied to what he asked for, like I was some sort of maid or below him.

Finally after 1.5 years, I told Owen that I am moving out and that we are done. I had come out of that relationship completely defeated, feeling unattractive, worthless and that I was not good enough for anyone to want sexually. A couple months in, I met my current boyfriend- and I have never been happier. He wants to have sex regardless of whether we just fought, or if I took too long to respond to a text, or whatever the reason may be. Yes sex isn't everything, but when you use someone and manipulate them to get your way- that is so wrong on so many levels.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So your boyfriend is having issues and your response is to try and initiate sex?

    Did it ever occur to you that maybe he needed someone to talk his feelings out with or do you just assume all men want is sex and that were brainless horny beasts?

    Sounds like you destroyed your old relationship not him. Can't wait to hear your next take about how this guy is the reason why your relationship is going to fail. Because girls like you never take any responsibility for the relationship falling apart. IT'S ALWAYS the guys fault in your eyes.

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Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 40

  • "Yes sex isn't everything, but when you use someone and manipulate them to get your way- that is so wrong on so many levels." So now you understand 99% of guys out there. Good.

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  • Withholding of affection is an acknowledged form of child abuse, but really, it should be recognized as a general sign of abuse, of an abusive relationship that can leave real emotional scars that might never heal. I am sorry this happened to you.

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  • Lol well that is what women usually do to thier men. He just turned the tables and did it to you. Though he really over did it.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a35533-guys-denying-women-sex-is-it-a-new-trend

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  • For every 1 guy who withholds sex, there are maybe 2 million women who withhold sex. So how should we attack the problem? Let's go after the.000000000000001% of guys who hold out of sex and forget about the fact that almost all women play games. Don't women always complain that all men want to do is have sex? You can't have it both ways

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  • There are shitty people of both genders. This isn't new but just to be clear men don't need to give sex to be in a relationship with you any more then you should feel obligated to have sex with him because he's horny.

    If you have a problem with a man not wanting to have sex with you on demand you're going to find most men today aren't your type. That's just how things have changed. We don't have a right to each other - Deal with it.

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  • It makes no sense to compare how men can't get a women in bed TO you staying and choosing to be with such a guy

    You're making the choice to stay and get emotionally abused. No one made you stay

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  • Yep. And he's gone. Problem solved. A big story about poor ol' Owen. LOL

    Actually it is much more common for women to weaponize sex in a marriage. As soon as you hear they want to trade sex for favors you're in trouble.

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  • Yeah this shouldn't be directed only at guys. the situation is a little different but this is pretty much why I haven't moved onto another yet. It's really tiring being with someone that holds affection and sex over you. I'm not eager to end up in another relationship where someone uses intimacy as a weapon.

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  • So because you dated one asshole that you tolerated for a year and a half, you think that the guys jumping through these hoops aren't aware this happens? It is very likely to happen on a much smaller scale, too. Most women won't even approach a man she finds attractive, so how exactly could men leverage sex the same as women do?

    Example, who buys who drinks at clubs and bars? Who is expected to pay for dates even in [CURRENT YEAR] where the sexes are supposedly equal? Thought so.

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  • This is a problem that you will face with only some high-quality guys who have a lot of options.

    The difference is that guys face this problem with girls regardless of those girls' quality.

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  • You only care about sex. Good for Owen. He deserves better

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  • The first word of this should say Girls: lol... just saying.
    As for what happened with Owen... umm... thats rare. the 90-10 theory exists and apparently your current boyfriend is using it.
    because the same title you have is what a LOT of guys say ("put out or get out"). You just picked a bad egg... im glad you rebounded though.
    My girl gets mad at me like all the time (i kinda instigate it :) , she more aggressive when she's mad) but then i still... well... you know... overpower that ass...
    Owen's a bitch... im happy you left hon.. but that was a one in a million situation. the next girl he is with... will kick his ass for that shit.

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  • Reverse the colours and everyone would bitch at him like "her body her choice"

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  • Not that your story seems believable in the first place, but if your guy doesn't put out it's because you became fat and ugly. No guy "doesn't put out" for someone he's attracted too...

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  • sorry hun when it comes to women I don't know its hard to believe them
    your story sounds real but its sounds like you didn't care at all in the first place

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  • How guys ask for sex: you want to have sex?

    How girls ask for sex:⬆↖⬅➡🔼↔↙↖◀🔄⏪♈♉♊♋♌♓♒♑♐♏♎♍♈♏♉♐♊♑♋♒♌♓♍♎♏♈♉♐♑♋♒♌❓

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  • Put yourself in guys' shoes. It will become completely normal.

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  • I'm not sure what this take was meant to accomplish. The title seems to admonish guys to have sex with girls regardless of our feelings like that's all we're good for. Kind of an ironic swap of the stereotypical gender perspectives. While the body of the take is just a sob story about some chick's failed relationship because the guy didn't find her sexually attractive anymore for whatever reason.

    I think the last line of the take is the most important but it took an odd way of getting there from the take's title.

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  • If a guy doesn't put out for a woman it's because she's fat or hasn't shaved her southern regions.

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  • Yeah, I'm seeing one side of this picture.
    But hey, glad you got out!!

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  • This Owen sounds like one of very few guys I wouldn't generalize a whole gender off of your experience with a single one out of a group. I do think he sounds like a controlling narcissistic asshat of a human being. Stress could prevent a man from having sex however but I think he had other issues much much larger. Women do use sex as a reward system, men use sex as a substitute for actual emotion a lot, that and men are aware that sex is a good thing where as women seem to have a tendency of thinking it's like a fleeting gift that loses value after time.

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  • Controlling relationships and using sex as a weapon is a good recipe for a break up.

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  • This just seems like a note for Owen. One bad European guy does not equal a trend amongst all guys.

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  • Ooook. Im sorry to hear about that "owen" ex of yours. Seems like the guy was indeed a douche. However, lets face it, for most relationships out there, its like that: 90% of the time guy asks for sex, if she no, no prob next time. 10% of the time the girl initiates and if she gets it, all good, if not, OMG THE END OF THE WORLD IS NEAR.
    Seriously though, dont use "owen" as an example, that guy was definitely messed up. 2 months no sex, nnnno.
    There are guys out there that dont initiate or feel the need to have sex regularly, but they re a minority. Thats another reason why you should "try before you buy".

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  • I'm sorry that happened to you.

    Going through a tough time and having your libido go down is one thing, but using it to gain leverage over your partner is terrible.

    But I will say that women do this a lot more, and they have been for hundreds upon hundreds of years. I believe I remember studying an ancient Roman comedy play where the women withheld sex from their men until they stopped pressing for war.. which worked.

    Even still, I'd say most guys wouldn't condone that sort of thing in men or women.

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  • Yeah... and 99.99% of women offer sex as a reward.

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  • This 'reversed genders' joke is as old as gag.

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  • yes, it happens both ways

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  • I agree - in our marriage we had such a situation where she did not want sex very often and it was a horrible time. We had a major league war over it and we used a schedule to slowly fix the problem. Modest at first - once a week, no arguing but it happened. Then over time we renegotiated to twice a week. Eventually my Wife said she wanted to take control and she decided to dress for bed each night and that we were going to make love each - and yes every morning. Its been about twelve years or so. She is wearing a pink teddy and shortly we will get busy - foreplay, oral sex for her and when she is sated and makes me stop, then intercourse. I love my Wife.

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  • hahaha, good to see women facing all kinds of shit from guys. I love when guys use women... oh how feminism has destroyed the genders. Good to see girls getting f@#$%^&

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What Girls Said 8

  • It's his body, it was his decision but if he wanted to be in a relationship with you then he should have worked this out. Sex is very important in relationships. It's normal.

    I'm sorry it happened to you. I hope you'll never be treated like this ever again.

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  • no one owes anyone sex though he seemed to go to lengths to manipulate and disrespect you. good you got out but that'd be bad whether it was over sex or anything else. good you got out don't wait so long next time.

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  • If you're having premarital sex what difference does it make? It doesn't entitle respect. You will get used and abused. Who you think is Mr. Right can easily become Mr. Wrong. Sex is how you decide to have it and it becomes damaging. People learn outside of marriage that sex means nothing. The problem was that you advertised yourself sexually for somebody who your not married to. Somebody who doesn't and won't cherish. This is something both men and women are not getting. Most people face that issue because they don't know their worth in relationships or what they deserve in them.

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  • more creative writing. i noticed a few grammar mistakes but overall it was good.

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  • Agreed... We dont have time to waste.

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  • Interesting.

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  • Sounds like a toxic relationship

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  • good mytake

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