I Dated an Older, Divorced Man with Children & I'll NEVER Do It Again!

[amandaschwartz]

After I ended a 4 year relationship with my college sweetheart, I never thought that I could start over again. It was devastating to say the least. My life was full of heartache, that's why when I met Louis at a coffee shop, I put aside my inhibitions and gave him a chance.

We had 28 years difference in age, he was recently divorced with 2 girls (7 and 12 years of age), and seemed like a gentleman. He took me out for dinners, we would spend hours talking. I really thought that he was a different man than what he made himself out to be. But after 3 months I realized I was making a huge mistake.

Talking about his ex wife. At first I thought that he was venting and I could recognize the pain in his voice, but after a couple of months went by and that didn't change I started to question whether he actually was over her? He would go on about what a lousy person she is, and what she liked and didn't like, and how she made him suffer.

All of his money goes towards the children and their college fund. Louis' plans were to save money for his kids. No retirement fund or anything. After the wife cleaned him out, he was without focus- and I guess that's what happens to some people.

The children themselves never accepted me as anyone. The two girls although cute, never enjoyed my presence, and I felt like a stranger. Although I was close to Louis i would never be able to fit in or play a motherly role.

The sex was dull. He wasn't into sex like i was.

He was going through a rebound, and I was the next best thing. Towards the end I realized that maybe he was more into getting a young girl than actually anything else.

A lesson learned. Never again.

[zagor]

Sounds like the problem wasn't really older or kids, but a guy who was still bitter at his ex. That can happen at 25 as well.

[Anonymous]

"All of his money goes towards the children and their college fund." What the heck were you expecting, you gold digger?

[Anonymous]

So I have a question because my best friend is actually marrying a man who has a son and is recently divorced. He separated from his wife in 2014 and he's been dating my best friend since late 2015 and his divorce became official last summer. He and my best friend are getting married this summer.

She doesn't tell me much about the boy but from some Instagram photos the boy doesn't seem very happy. I don't imagine any children being okay with a parent's divorce and then mommy getting replaced so quick. They have joint custody of the boy so his time between both is divided by half, which is a lot.

I thought my best friend was rushing but she seems really happy and they seem in love so I'm just being supportive.

So I guess my question for you is.. how long had he been divorced when you met him? was it fresh? you mention him talking bad about his wife. in my bff's case, it was her fiancé's ex-wife who wanted the divorce, he said he was very much in love with her and really wanted to work it out. he still seems a bit angry as I saw him post a couple of angry messages on his exes facebook a few months ago that he could have sent her as a private message instead of making it public - it came up in my feed and I thought it was weird (I never said anything to my bff about it).

[Browneye57]

Plus the stepping...
1. No matter the effort you will never be respected or appreciated. By any of them.
2. You will never have the final say in anything.
3. You will always be down a few rungs on the ladder of importance. The kids will always take precedence.
4. If there's an ex still around, you can never get completely away from them.

These are all the same reasons a guy should never marry a single mother. Date maybe, do, but never marry. Besides, not many want to try to raise someone elses kids. And a lot of these women are desperate - they're barely making it on their own, just hoping some guy will come along and rescue them. FAIL

[Hal2002]

Welcome to the club, for most of those same reasons I will no longer date a woman with minor children.

As for sex, hell once she has you hooked. Say goodbye to great sex, as the kids will somehow be use as an excuse to not get physical that often.

There is one big difference between a man with kids, and a woman with kids. A man will save and sacrifice for his kids and not expect help, a woman with kids will expect a man to finance her kids.

[DJB72]

Maybe he is still grieving the loss of the marriage. He's concerned about his kid's future? Shocking!

Your completely missing the point of an "older" man. They aren't boys, they are men. With responsibility beyond themselves that pre-date your arrival in His life, and he knows if you choose to leave, his kids won't. They really are a lifetime commitment. He's not as "in to" sex as you? Grow up.

By you leaving him you show more about yourself than him. He sounds like he tried to open up slowly. Your decision to leave may be the best thing that has happened to him.

You're a college kid. A child from the way you write, who is not worthy of what an adult man offers. You're looking for instant gratification, and that just doesn't happen in a relationship. Relationship takes time. There's no "quick" solution.

Grow the f#*k up little girl or you'll never experience a real relationship.

[Benk111]

A lot of women say they wouldn't mind dating an older man until you realize your at different stages in your life and will never truly connect.

[Rissyanne]

Girl... stick to someone closer to your age. When I was single... I learned not to date someone with 5 years of me. Good luck

[zagor]

I think she's just feeling guilty for giving him an STD.

[Rissyanne]

@zagor how do you know she gave him an std?

[LolaB28]

What's wrong with a guy putting his money into his children and their college savings? Would you rather him be a deadbeat and have his baby moms chase him and cause drama? Smh.

[annie2016]

That is why I never dreamed of having a relationship with an older guy eversince. I would choose to be single for the rest of my life than to be a second wife and mother of another's child or children.

[Nyx_85]

I dated a guy that was separated (takes some time to get a divorce in Canada). Although he wasn't way older (6 years). Definitely didn't work out. We still chat occasionally but even years later he says he's still kind of messed up.

[rjroy3]

Well yea lol. There's several people you should never start a relationship with or get attached to. Like someone who is in love with someone else, but for whatever reason they aren't together right now. Because their heart is with another.

[Anonymous]

And this is why I'll never get married. I'm sure he'll blow his brains out or hang himself in the future.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting take. How old was he? How long after his divorce did you meet him? Just curious as I'm in a similar situation as I've thought about testing the waters with an older divorced man. 14 years age difference with mine.

[Hal2002]

It does not matter how long someone has been divorced, it is the rebound thing. The first person anyone dates after coming out of a major relationship, has to deal with the hurt that person went threw because of the ending of the relationship.

Never get serious with anyone, that you are the first person they start dating after the end of serious relationship. You are the rebound, it never ends well if the relationship gets serious.

[Opinion Owner]

@Hal2002 well the guy I'm contemplating going for I'm certain has been with other women as his divorce was over 4 years ago. It's not a fresh thing by any means for him.

[Hal2002]

Than you should not have to hear about the ex and all the bs, good luck and have fun.

[Anonymous]

Good. Sounds like someone learned their gold digging lesson. Good for you.

[amphet11]

"All of his money goes towards the children and their college fund" ahhahaahah you prostitute! anyway this was just ughh! to read, sharing this openly would make you used goods to other men your age.

[amphet11]

seriously ewww

[Anonymous]

You realize people are different? One person does not represent all guys.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Did you know water is wet? Literally every dude that's not in that demographic has said this. You're just telling everyone what we already know

[pooper89]

How could you possibly have found someone that old attractive?

[Eternallylucky]

He sounds like an average guy who is just going to live for basics.

[Eternallylucky]

28 is just too much of a great diff unless you're going out with mel gibson or mick jagger.

[Eternallylucky]

No mojo left.

[datgirl]

This is something I'll never have to worry about. I'm not even in the slightest attracted to older men. 5 years older that's where I draw the line.

[red324]

I don't think you can throw in the towel after just one guy.