Ten of the Worst Things You Can Do On a Date

[Anonymous]

1. Showing Up Late/Not calling

If you made the date, why are you showing up late? You picked the time, the place, you should be on time for your own date. Now obviously stuff happens, traffic, you needed gas, whatever, but that's why we have cell phones. Have respect for your date whether you made the date or you are going on one, because it's a major turn off when you start late and on the wrong foot.

2. Burying your head in your phone

A cell phone is a wonderful thing, but not when it's time to have real life human interaction. If you can't pry your eyes away from your phone for an hour to sit and chat and get to know someone, you have a real problem. Checking your phone obsessively, answering calls while on a date, excusing yourself to go talk to someone else, doesn't tend to bode well.

3. Demanding someone pay for you

"You're definitely going to pay right?" "You know, you should pay for our dinner." "Guys always pay for me." "Waiter, don't even think of handing me the bill" This one is more directed towards women...most guys tend to pay for a first date because either they are the gentlemanly type or they assume it's expected, or they invited you out, or they simply want to. Don't take advantage of this generosity by being rude and disrespectful about it. It's a MAJOR turn off to guys when you think you're some princess on a pedestal who demands they take care of you or else. Say thank you, be kind, offer to pay for the next one. Don't be spoiled and rude about it.

4. Checking out/flirting with other people

Like really? You can't go on one date before checking out the other merchandise. Imagine if your date did that to you. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't feel good about it. And actively flirting with someone else in front of your date is not cool at all. It's the fastest way to make sure they end the date early.

5. Endlessly Talking About Yourself

I'm pretty sure you're an interesting person, but 3 hours straight of interesting...not so much. Let your date get a word in edgewise. Actually ask him/her about him/her. Take a break and let them talk about themselves and practice listening. When it's all about you, it shows where your real priorities are, and they aren't with your date at all.

6. Obsessively talking about your ex...or anyone else

Hate your boss, your ex, your ex's kids, the president, the Uber driver...shut up about it. When you hyper focus on one person and go on long endless rants about him or her, it becomes less endearing and even scary by the minute. Like, why can't you let it go or why haven't you, or save it up for some other time other than on the first few dates when it should be about getting to know the other person.

7. Being totally inappropriate

Treating waitstaff rudely, assuming someone "should" go to bed with you just because you showed up, making disgusting jokes or comments about your date or someone else or his/her friends, insulting your date. Avoid this. If this inappropriate person is "the real you," then find someone who gets you and your brand; it will save you so much more time.

8. Give off the sad/bad vibes

No one needs to know how absolutely pathetic and miserable you've felt for not going on a date or sleeping with anyone in the last nine months. No one needs to know how much you hate your body and how incredibly low your self-confidence is. No one needs to know how desperately you want to get married and have children. It's a lot on the first few dates, it really is. Hammering in to your date how sad and pathetic or desperate or hung up you feel doesn't really say, I want to be attracted to you and your good vibes. Whatever has happened before this person, they didn't do it, so don't project onto them or overshare your misery with them. Just live in the moment and try to enjoy the date.

9. Lie

Remember when you said you had been to London and you really loved it. Now your date is talking about it and asking you about your trip and you have no clue because you're a liar. If you have to make up lies you can't even keep track of about yourself, ask yourself why that is. These can come back to bite you and make your date believe that you are a total liar or completely untrustworthy. Not a good look. If you're honest, you don't have to lie or remember what you lied about or try to keep up with it all.

10. Showing up as someone else

I don't care what you say about vanity and people needing to get to know someone on the inside, if you catfish someone or you post some picture of you from 15 years ago and you look nothing like that now, DO NOT act like you are surprised if they then aren't into you. In this world where we live where things are done more so online, if someone has been looking at that sexy picture you posted for a few weeks, they want to see that on their date or at least something that aligns with the picture they saw of you. It's part of why they are there or all of why they are there. Don't misunderstand this...you are lying to yourself and them by portraying yourself as something you are not. This goes back to the lying bit and why you shouldn't do it.

[FatherJack]

The " phone zombie " should deffo be lead point , I won't be dating due to my situation as a FT working single dad , but I would be gone , if I was with a phone zombie , just a step down from telling your date to F-off , it's that rude & ignorant !!

[Anonymous]

good list

[loveisbeautiful]

It's odd to me, you say in 9 not to lie and in 10 don't show up as someone else but in 8 you basically are telling a person to lie and not be themselves, I find that confusing.

I know you never told anyone to lie but in the same token you told them to with hold things about themselves and come in with a false "everything is sunshine and puppy dogs" attitude. Which if that's not how they always felt would be a lie. The whole point of dating someone is getting to know them and all the things that make them who they are, good, bad or otherwise. How can you truly get to know someone for who they really are if your not allow to talk about the stuff that isn't always comfortable to talk about. If you can't be honest, why bother dating?

[myTake Owner]

To be clear, we're discussing the first few dates, not, you're well into a relationship. How many great first dates do you know where someone told you how miserable they've been the entire first date or how desperate they were to date someone for the entire date, and you were like, man, this wreaks of potential, here's my number. You DO NOT have to go on a first date and tell your entire life history. That is not lying or withholding with the intent to deceive anyone. You may still tell this person a few dates in what you've been through or any truths you want, but on a first or second date, like I said, it's a bit much for someone walking in if you are hyper-focused on everything bad in your life and dumping that all on them, especially if you then turn it into taking it out on them when they are not the root of your problems.

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, if you are that sad, miserable, or depressed, you aren't in any state to be dating. Dating is something that, in my opinion, you EARN by getting yourself in a healthy, positive place so that you can be a decent companion for another person. A date should NOT be therapy or a dumping ground for your emotions.

It's okay if you need to work on yourself for a while, but it's NOT okay to rush out into the dating world before you've done that (much-needed) work. The OP's point is right on in my opinion.

[Warmapplecrumble]

@MrOracle what of you got invited to date?

Just because you are sad doesn't mean you can try and enjoy yourself

[MrOracle]

@Warmapplecrumble

The thing is, if you are that sad/depressed that you simply aren't going to be ABLE to enjoy yourself (and, yes, that's possible), then in my opinion you aren't in a position to date and should decline any invitations.

Replace sad/depressed with "sick". If you were puking every hour, and running a 104F temperature, would you accept a date invitation? Of course not - you'd wait until you were feeling better. You should do the same with severe mental/emotional health issues. It's not fair to the other person if you don't.

[Warmapplecrumble]

@MrOracle yeah I would want to have fun if I was sick.

I had a fever, diarrhoea, vomiting for 31 days and I gave up on life on the 15th day. I just started to cry and was thinking I'd die. I started to enjoy my life and doing things that made me happy.

I also was very depressed when I met my partner. I just wanted fun. Guess what I've been with for more than 2 years now.

[myTake Owner]

@Warmapplecrumble I'm glad things worked out for you, but if we look hard enough at any scenario in life, we can always find one or two examples of something working when it shouldn't, but one sample size, does not apply to the population at large. @MrOracle is right in that it's not really fair to another person to have them essentially take everything you're dealing with on, from day one, date one. Like I said, further on into getting to know someone, sure, we all open up more and reveal our lives to a partner, but date no. 1/2 are light, happy, get to know you vibes. They should not be full on therapy sessions where one person tries to analyze or guide another through their lifes problems without knowing anything about them. Same thing goes for sick. I wouldn't go on a date sick, because I'm not the type of inconsiderate person to want to spread anything contagious to anyone else or force someone to sit there while I vomit. You rain check and come back when you feel better.

[Warmapplecrumble]

@Opinion owner you weren't in my situation you can't say what you would do.

But I've been in the situation and guess what I did want to have fun when I was sad.

Sadness is a background that makes happiness more sweeter.

Without sadness you you wouldn't know what happiness is.

You can't be happy all the time. Just like you can't be sad all the time. Life is a cycle of ups and downs.

And sad or sick people should not sit alone and be bored to death. They should do what they want.

And bacteria, viruses, fungus is all around you. Probably on your bed and hands. Especially a lot on the phone. The reason why you get sick is your immune system shuts down. Believe it or not you need to get sick sometimes because its important for the body to get rid of weak cells.

[myTake Owner]

@Warmapplecrumble I'm pretty sure you understood zero of what I or the other opinion poster wrote to you. I said, with everything in life, there are exceptions if we look hard enough. You are one. If I were to say, no one ever got cured of stage 4 cancer by just exercising and eating right, we can find 10 people who miraculously have. Those ten people can point to themselves and say, all "you" need to do to cure "your" cancer is diet and exercise, which may kill others who try the same because they aren't anomalies.

No one has said here stay home and die because you're depressed. We've literally only advocating dealing with your issues with professional or other forms of help and to not have the expectation that simply going on a date with someone is going to say, solve years of depression or cure someone of being bipolar...

[myTake Owner]

It doesn't work that way for the majority of people and that's also quite an offensive assertion to say that all if you're dealing with PTSD, or depression, etc, all one needs is to go on a date to suddenly feel better about themselves. No, a vast majority of cases like this need actual medical or psychological help, and can be a danger to others if they don't receive said help. A date is not a therapy session and you shouldn't go in expecting a first date to solve your lifes problems. And OMG, the fact that you'd rather go on a date and vomit on him for an hour or cough on him and essentially you're saying purposefully get him sick because you believe people need to get sick, rather then simply wait a week or so until you are no longer ill, says a lot about your character.

We're talking date 1/2, not an entire lifetime of dating or meeting people. There are just some things that are the worst to do on first dates for those of us who are not anomalies, aka, the majority of people.

[Warmapplecrumble]

Yes I will never understand you the way you do. But I try - that matters.

Actually everything is a theory including professional medication and help.

No cure exists.

Only symptoms are tackled, even then the quality of life might be reduced and one symptom slightly tackled.

In fact, you can't even prove if what you believe is reality is real.

Therefore, your entire post makes no sense if above is even 1 percent true.

Lets be logical here this a debate not a competition on who is the most best character here. We all have done wrong, and therefore you are as disgusting as I am. I can judge and insult but I can't be bothered.

And you could tell your date, you are sick or depressed.
Your date could be your best friend you knew for 10 years.

But since you judged my character I can no longer bother with your negativity. Don't need it keep your hate to yourself.

Peace have a great day.

No offence to anyone.

[loveisbeautiful]

My answer has apparently started a great debate, which wasn't what I wanted. All was trying to say is this: to get to know someone they have to ask you questions and if they ask you something point blank but you dance around the true answer and give a puppy rainbow answer instead, that's a lie. I'm not a pretender, I've had people show me the charm and the great humor and tell me how great I was, until I realize they were ass the whole time but they were just showing me the "side they are suppose to" to get me hooked and that's wrong.

I've read you shouldn't ever talk about marriage or children on the first date but if the guy asks me "where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 yrs" I'm not going to make up some lie. I want to be a wife and I want to be a mother and I won't pretend that I don't want that. If he doesn't want the truth, then don't ask me that question.

[loveisbeautiful]

or if he asked "what do your parents do for a living?" I'm not going to lie and say they both have these great careers when really they are both on social security disability. My mom was a bank teller for 20 plus years and dad had many a jobs and I'd mention that but they can't work now and I won't lie about that.

Or if he say's "tell me about your friends". I have three friends all guys, that I met on here and have been in my life for years, but that's it. I won't lie about that either. Basically, if he asks me a question I'm going to give him the true answer, if he doesn't like it then that's not my problem. You don't want the truth, don't ask the question. Quite simple.

[myTake Owner]

#9 is there for a reason.

[loveisbeautiful]

Okay.

[myTake Owner]

Okay, have a beautiful day.

[MarriedMale43]

Dating is all about how both parties are interpreting signals - each looking for "go / no-go" signals.

"Hi, I make a six-figure salary keeping bad guys from hacking your online accounts. I'm a funny storyteller, I'm outgoing, and I'm a wonderful father to a five-year-old girl. I enjoy playing games, relaxing, reading, and writing."

"Hi, I'm fighting a lifelong battle against depression, have low self-esteem, and live with my mother. I'm shy with strangers, and I'm online daily, which will feel like I'm ignoring you for my computer. Oh, and I'm always going to put my little girl's needs above yours."

Those are both true pictures of ME - but on a first or second date, the second paragraph is just a bunch of red flags. I need to present you with the benefits from the FIRST picture in order to get you to consider accepting the tragic flaws from the second.

[Ladyslipper]

These should all be totally common sense but unfortunately common sense isn't so common

[myTake Owner]

You have a lot of people who say and I think, I would never, and perhaps they wouldn't, but they know people who do these things all the time. This list is the same reason irons have a label that reads "do not iron on self." That is extremely logical to most right minded persons, and yet, people do it, and then those people want to sue because there was no label that said irons are hot and can burn people when on. I give you, this list...

[Barrabus_the_Free]

The cell phone should be #1. Being late CAN be overlooked, depending on the circumstance, but if I see that fucking phone, I'm done.

[Anonymous]

Don't fart the restaurant or especially when alone in the car. But if you absolutely have to, don't wave the fart gasses up towards your nose and comment about how it smells. It might be cute when girls do this, but guys can never get away with it.

[rozequarts]

can't believe she forgot to mention that lol

[CubsterShura]

Good points but they were too common. I thought you might share some stuff that most people overlook. :(

[myTake Owner]

I would love to read your list of the things that most people overlook.

[CubsterShura]

I'll keep that in my list of future takes. :)

[CubsterShura]

Also, I'm very young so my points may not be the best.

[Unit1]

"3. Demanding someone pay for you"

FUCK YES!!! I am almost too glad, that YOU mentioned this! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!

The rest is also really on point! Very nice work!
Excellent job!

[zagor]

I don't know I think what Ted Bundy did was worse than any of these...

[Anonymous]

Good points. But 'pedal stool'... Seriously? Fucking LOL.

[myTake Owner]

At least you read some of this. Will correct.

[thekian]

I feel like most of these are just normal things to not do in any social situation

[myTake Owner]

... and yet people still do them

[vekin]

all very good points I think

[10dsw]

Excellent list!

[Lumberman53]

Great points