Although it's more difficult for a shy, insecure person to approach a desirable party, they need not worry as much.
Why?
Well...it's scientifically proven, and we all know this though our everyday lives, that stress and overthinking usually leads to hindrances, problems, more insecurities and ultimately failure.
Yes, you don't have to approach, but you do have to put yourselves out there for those eligible women / men to be able to see you and know you're there.
Waiting for love at home isn't going to prove fruitful unless you're banking on the internet, and although we'd all love to believe that the internet can provide us with our SO, more often than not, it's not so...
Tips on how to make yourself open without actually approaching:
- smile
- be friendly (within your friend group)
- try to not let social anxiety get to you (behave as if you were at home hanging out with your friends - if you have to pretend you are at home for a while until you loosen up)
- cut yourself off from your friends from time to time: go to the bar to get drinks, go to the bathroom but take your time to and fro, go to the pinball machine (being by yourself creates more opportunities for a woman to approach you)
- if anyone (guy or girl) comes up to you smile and converse...about anything... (being natural in a social situation appeals to people - even observing you from afar)
- be yourself out there, i.e., try new things, but don't get peer pressured into doing things you don't feel comfortable doing (it really makes people understand who you are and if they approach you it means they would most probably like you for you)
Of course, what you're looking for in this is for a woman (or man) to approach you - someone who is maybe bolder and less afraid of rejection... But you need that in your relationship dynamic - a bit of difference and contrast within the relationship can make everything a lot more fun!
Putting a positive energy out there and being natural and comfortable in all that you do makes people drawn to you. Maybe not always romantically, but that doesn't matter... What matters is that you're slaying the social game right now, and with that comes confidence, and then, later on, who knows...!
Maybe even a cute SO!
Guys: If you're shy, insecure, unable to approach - it's NOT the end of the world!
I approached a woman who smiled at me at the gym this evening. It's actually been a few months since I've approached a woman outside of a dating app.
It all start when I caught her smiling at me. I immediately didn't smile back. Part of the problem is when I'm at the gym I'm there to get a workout in, picking up girls is a distant second. I don't even stare at attractive women in the same capacity that I do when I'm outside the gym. I've also been "taught" by other women who complain about guys approaching them to not approach women at the gym.
Anyway this chic looked younger (early 20s) but I was nervous she was possibly in her teens. She was very, VERY skinny. I didn't want to be a creep and stare at her too long, but I was trying to figure out if she was at least in college at or not. I'm sure as hell not going to approach a 17 year old at a gym.
Anyway I finally thought of a bs reason to approach her. I went up and ask if she was a distance runner. She quasi smiled and responded (in a weird accent) that she was a ballet dancer. I then said, oh my mistake you just have the same build that some of distance runners I know. It was honestly the only thing I could think of that sounded like a reasonable excuse to approach her at a public gym.
Anyway I said "have a good workout and my name is so so". She didn't respond and went back to her workout. I didn't come by her again or look at her.
It was awkward and I screwed it up. BUT I was proud of myself for at least taking the risk to approach her in a normally off limits environment. I'm trying to get in the habit of approaching women in public more (gotten lazy because of dating apps in the last couple years). Have to start somewhere.
I enjoyed reading this mytake, @LittleSally. I think you gave some really helpful advice.
I really enjoyed your suggestion of leaving the group for a time. I never thought about it before but I do think stepping away from the group and being alone may make you more approachable in a social setting.
This is also good advice for shy girls as well. (Title says guys.)
Remember, that the more you socialize the easier it will become.
And if you can't face your fears from the front, try coming at it from the side. Or even ambush that sucker from the back.
Remember, even the mighty tiger will not attack a person who is watching them (usually) but will once their back is turned.
Try making friends with girls/guys who you are intimidated by, but not really interested in. (And who knows, maybe you're wrong and they are different than what you thought.) Just being friends with people of the opposite gender can help you realize they they are not a scary mythical beast, but just people.
It does matter. Men mostly have to initiate with women, whether that's the approach the first kiss, asking for the number, for a date etc. If not 99.9% of the time he ends up in the friend-zone. Just being social isn't going to cut it for this reason - at the very least a guy has to know how to flirt and create sexual tension or else she most likely won't see him as anything but a friend.
For guys this only works if the girl has an excuse to talk to you, but if she does then so do you and it's still better for you to do it because you don't want to leave it to chance. If you're waiting for a cold approach from a girl you better look like a goddamn movie star or it ain't gonna happen with a girl who's body doesn't have its own zip code.
It's not the end of the world, just a dead-end. Guys like that will bore you to tears. If they're that insecure then they're just not ready to date. Some of the boys these days have been raised to be just like girls and they're unable to cope with anything challenging. Girls don't really key to that very well - they look for confidence, success, social fluidity. You want to have fun, right? Not babysit a man-cub?
Yeah well these boys have also been brainwashed into thinking that approaching a girl or complimenting her is sexist and creepy. Most of us know that's bullshit, but feminism is partially to blame for this crap.
Yes, feminism is fully to blame. Women have been told that children don't need a dad, that they can be both, and work, and be a fukkin miracle worker. They send them to school and if they act like little boys they drug them to be like little girls, are punished if they act like boys. And both genders have been told repeatedly since birth how special little girls are, women are, that you should always defer to them, and that they are better, smarter, and more deserving than any boy. We have the 'princess complex'. Entitled little snowflakes that are sure the boys are bad. In fact, they've also been repeatedly told that men are generally bad and evil, and that's why mommy hates daddy.
So now we have half of the boys raised without a strong male influence, and let's face it women cannot be a 'strong male influence', so the boys have nothing to emulate. Even girls benefit greatly from a strong male influence.
And there's a whole crop of these 'men' that can't make a decision, won't lead, put women on a pedestal, are crappy in bed because they're so timid and taught to not be sexually dominate, are weak emotionally and physically, and cry a lot. The women told them they should show their emotion - it's okay to cry.
The problem is that biologically, the female 'lizard brain', loathes that kind of man. She wants a strong man to protect her, a successful one to provide her, and to be good looking and sexy to make her vag-tingle. These new men are an exercise in frustration for them.
So go here and find the truth about men and women, and take your manliness back: www.therationalmale.com You'll be MUCH happier!
I live in a culture where men are men still. Grandfather's, fathers and brothers and guy cousins lead the family as head of the family's. Our women here are just fine and strong And we all for the most part are together in everything. Oh there's a type of feminism here that dates back several centuries and our women demand a strong man to lead also. And there sons are taught to be strong and responsible , or you get a slap up side your head. Buy in all respect , we men her love our women here and our women love their men as we both together are stay strong as one. Even when i lived in Western Samoa , the same thing , no different. In fact , you're grandma , mother or aunty will beat you're ass if you show any weakness as a man should not be or if you're doing something wrong. If you think that's bad , wait till you're father gets home. As bad as this sounds , our local community's have strong respectfull pleasant men who not only love their family's , but stand strong along women.
@somewheresomeway. The young US men want the failure , or they would have stepped up to the plate. a lot of the men in the US mainland , dance like our women do. The women there are not interested in a strong man to lead. They want to be the man... and the men allowed this to happen. Don't blame feminism , blame yourself for not bonding with each other and taking hold of the situation at hand. I feel for you guys over there , but weak ass men is not an option.
@Djaaay I'm not making an excuse because I own up to the problem. But it's not easy UNLEARNING the bullshit that has been pounded into us from a young age.
I've actually banged a lot of girls (between 35 to 40) but I fuck up long term relationships by letting my guard down too soon or too often. I was taught it was okay to be sensitive or emotional. It's not.
Anyway I'm calling out bullshit feminism for the continuation of their insidious agenda. I hate seeing other young men fall into the same trap.
@somewheresomeway - " I was taught it was okay to be sensitive or emotional. It's not. "
It's not. They'll tell you this but if you do it's instant dread. Generally if a guy is injured or losed his job she'll bail. Men love idealistically, women love opportunistically. They'll even say out loud, "I deserve to be haaaappppyyy." Surely you've heard it yourself. Or her friends and relatives - same thing, "You deserve _____" fill in the blank. No honey, you don't DESERVE anything, you get what you get cuz of what you put in and what you EARNED.
No, if you expose weakness to a woman she will instantly be suspect of you. She'll instantly lose respect. Gone on long enough they begin to loathe your weak ass. And they will take over the lead in the relationship and start shit-testing the hell out of you. They'll take over control, and boss you around, tell you what you have to do and what you cannot do.
It's a sad state, but we see it ALL the time. And he thought he did everything right!
@somewheresomeway. It' is ok to be sensitive and emotional , but only at the right times and for the right reasons. I do understand your position. In the culture I mentioned , men stand up straight and strong , and along his side the women follow because the man is doing what's right regardless. Our duty as men , is to be men. a lot of that femnistic veiw is because of bad men who have ruined it for the others. In a sad way , the women have said f... that and if they men don't step up to the plate we will. Because of this , a lot of men decided to go their own way in acceptance of it without fighting the front lines and winning the war front. Today , as it is right now with the feminism , the way to conquer back our men in the US is to allow the women to have their rights as they wish , then hold them to that standard , while men began to have even stronger higher standards towards better relations and examples for younger generations up coming.
@Djaaay the thing is I have gotten better over the years of keeping a tough facade with women in the early stages. It gets me laid. It gets girls to fall in love with me in the short term. But being naturally sensitive guy I get too comfortable at some point, let my guard down and then get rejected (usually brutally. At least I got my foot in the door in the early stages. But it really sucks.
@somewheresomeway. Got ya... there's more to satisfying women today other than using our dick. That comes later they insist. They're searching for men to accept their victorys and to be stronger than they are. Ever pounding the opertune to take over if men won't...
And I agree with holding women to same standards as men if they want all the "rights". But they have been conveniently side stepping that for a long time. We still pay for first dates, we still get punished more harshly if we screw up, we are still expected to be bullet proof in the face of hostility, we die younger, etc.
Anyway I just want one decent woman to accept me for who I am, good and bad. Sensitive or not I would always protect her if she was I danger (woman erroneously think nice guys won't do this).
@somewheresomeway. You know , there's another way to save yourself from all the attrosities of that over in the US mainland. A plane ticket. There's a lot of great strong women out there in the Pacific.
@Djaaay yes there is a lot more than sex. But when i got brutally friend zoned before getting in their pants when I was younger I feel an extra push to take what I can get early. I don't get friendzoned anymore. A few years ago a girl tried to do this too me and I was "goodbye". But now I get ghosted instead. It's the lesser of two evils.
Sometimes girls like me love shy guys. I'm kinda shy myself, but I'm trying to teach myself how to approach guys like me. The article has good tips for girls too, and it's a good read.
Nice pep talk but the number one turn on for a girl is a confident self assured alpha male with game. Beta males simps are just used for the bread and butter,
Ya know I like this for once a post that down grade shy people, Thank you for sharing this I think this can really help some people out there I don't know about me but hey what can ya do?
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