Why I'm Not Dating You

Why I'm Not Dating You

Every girl has "the list." These are those things that you just can't bring yourself to overlook when dating someone new. These are your deal breakers. Mine have nothing to do with looks, money, what school they did or did not go to, because I don't think that makes a man or determines who and what they are or will be for you, but this list, is my list in no particular order, of reasons I generally will not date a guy. What are your deal breakers?

1. ...because they smoke

Why I'm Not Dating You

We have a surgeon general illustrating to us the effects smoking has on people, pets, and the environment, and none of them are good. This is not even a case of no offense, but rather common sense, that if you smoke, you are putting you and others around you at risk. When it comes to a point where they might need surgery and doctors have to ask if they smoke because they know by smoking, they're already more at risk of complications, that should tell them something about how "great" smoking is. I don't want to smell like an ash tray or have to spend my hard earned money on buying my guy something that is known to put people one foot closer to the grave.

2. ...because they are a dick to anyone in service

There is nothing more off putting to me than someone who treats those that serve them or anyone for that matter like they are dirt beneath their nails or their personal slaves. Please and thank you apply to anyone you interact with as does treating others the way you want to be treated.

3. ...because of their views

Why I'm Not Dating You

A little discord in a coupling is normal and natural and nothing to shy away from, but when we have such vastly different fundamental views of the world and the people in it, I can't see having to argue everything about everything all the time. I've been there done that, and I HATED IT. My family and friends, hated it. I don't need a yes man, but I don't need someone who is going to vote to like keep people oppressed or cannot see or know that something right in front of them is wrong on any level.

4. ...because they have a totally contentious relationship with their ex/ family

Let me preface this by saying, anyone can have this, and it's not necessarily that person's fault, because you can't fault people for their family in particular, BUT when they are the one that is clearly the cause of those problems and they are only making it worse by their attitude and actions, it's a problem. I don't fault anyone for having a crap family or an ex, but even if they do, it's how they handle it. Distance themselves, fine, don't talk to them, fine, going there and starting fights and ruffling feathers and making people cry and destroying holiday functions, PROBLEM. I also don't need to be stressed out on a constant basis by an ex that is still somehow in their life in full effect. If they're still texting her, or she's dropping by to chat frequently, or they're always fighting, even though they broke up like a year ago, they haven't moved on or he's trying to have some cake and eat it to. No thanks.

5. ...because they actually hate animals and kids

I don't mind if we never have either personally, but if they just can't stand animals or kids, that unnerves me. I love animals, and I love kids, and could not see someone always having such a nasty reaction to them every time we come in contact with either. Minds and hearts change, and I might want a big giant dog, or a slobbery kid running around the house one day, and I don't ever want to start a relationship knowing that someone else has absolutely no desire to even entertain the idea. It's best I, and they, are up front about this.

6....because they're verbally/physically abusive

Why I'm Not Dating You

I really shouldn't have to say this, it should be a given, but a lot of times for women it's not. I unfortunately had knowledge of two of my good friends who were both in seriously abusive relationships, and all the struggles they went through. It's all those signs that people want to ignore because they are in like or in love with someone, but you know it isn't going to end well. Both of my friends were hospitalized on more than one occasion, and I refuse to do it. I love my life more than to allow someone to keep doing that to me for any reason.

7...because they have no future

They literally care about nothing, have no goals, have no ambition, have no direction. Time waits for no man OR woman, and when you don't even have any kind of idea or dreams for your future, I can't do it. I can't be the one that always has to make sh*t happen for us. It needs to be a team effort. I need someone who can see a problem, figure out that it's not working and problem solve rather than just wallow in it forever. They have to want something for themselves, and later on for us and our future. Listlessness is not some place I want to stay stuck in with a partner for the rest of my life. I want him to want us to always strive to do better, be better, and go after our dreams.

8....because they don't get along with my family and friends

Anyone who spends time with my family or friends is always in awe. We truly love one another and respect people in our circles no matter who they are as long as the feeling is mutual. I've never asked for approval from either friend or family to date someone nor have they said they "needed" to allow me to date someone, but if I brought someone around and my friends/family were totally turned off by them or their attitude or something about them, I would trust them enough to say, this is probably not going to work out. They know me better than anyone on this planet, and who I get along with, and what I value, and if someone isn't filling in those boxes, it's a no. I also know in my heart of hearts, if ever I was afraid to bring someone I was dating around them, that would be a total red flag.


4|2
12

Most Helpful Girl

  • Love this list! All pretty much are the same as mine. I mean I'm fine with smokers, they can kill their own lungs but I prefer it if they don't do it near me or my dogs.

    3|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 11

  • Very good take. I broke up with an ex because his mom was racist. Some people will call it unfair but it's my decision.

    1|0
    1|0
    • Yikes! Was it directed towards you or others? Either way... I don't think I could see us working out either.

    • Towards me. She didn't want him dating "my type". Her exact words.

    • Never underestimate the power of crazy family. I have a friend who did not share her boyfriends families religion. He never made any deal of it, but his family sure did; they made it a point to let her know at every opportunity that they hated her because of it. At his father's funeral, they got up from the front row and told her in the middle of the ceremony to leave because this was not a house where she could properly mourn him the way he would have wanted. Her boyfriend got involved in a blow for blow word fight, they asked him to pick sides. He wouldn't. They wouldn't let up. I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with racist mom always making remarks... which what are you supposed to do with that, just smile and keep going?

  • Apart from the fact that I think some of your points are kinda obvious & a no-brainer, I have to say damn, it's long, lol.
    I can only think of three things on the spot-
    1. Having a problem with gamers - I'm a huge gamer. Anyone who had a problem with that can leave, lol
    2. Being a goody-two-shoes - Booooring. I'd want someone with a little fire to match mine, plus I can't stand people who are nice to everyone. & they'd probably take offence at how much I cuss & have no trouble smack-talking someone when they're talking BS.
    3. Being shy - I can't handle shy people, I don't get them. They confuse me.
    4. Trying to convince me of their beliefs - I'm my own person & perfectly capable of shaping my own decisions & opinions, I don't need anyone else for that. Exchanging opinions is fine, I just don't want anyone trying to tell me my point of view is wrong & I should adapt anyone else's.

    Yes, I lied, a fourth one popped into my head while writing this, lol.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Ha, well, some as you said are obvious, but nonetheless still definitely deal breakers. Are you by any chance a fire sign: Aries, Leo and Sagittarius? No. 4 is strong with this group, and totally agree.

    • Show All
    • Ahaha, nice. xD Here's the dealbreaker though-
      I'm a smoker, have been for fourteen years & don't plan on quitting. :') So I'm sorry to say this, love, but this won't work out between us. :(

    • I'm definitely okay with that.

  • ... because you use because too much

    1|0
    0|0
    • Just 19 times, that's it :)

  • Its quite subjectibe but I get your point. :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • I totally agree!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes. I relate so much

    0|0
    0|0
  • All excellent reasons... No complaints 👍

    0|0
    0|0
  • good list

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yeah nice

    0|1
    0|0
  • All of the above and another 'because' is,

    Because they have no money/money management skills.

    It's not like I'm being a gold digger, but for me it's practical.

    I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a guy who's contented with bare living standard and who cannot provide me what I need.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Good standards to employ!

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Loading...