Why do many women simply drop subtle hints and wait for the men to do the dirty work? There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out! It may have been unimaginable in the old days, but times have changed, people.
Note: the following tips may help men who are trying to ask met out, as well.
The first time I asked a guy out was in freshman or sophomore year of high school. I'd just started to build up my identity and begun gaining confidence in myself. He was the most popular guy in the grade and I was one of the music girls. We were in all the same classes together. I fell for him because he was the smartest guy in the grade, played soccer, was fairly good looking, but most of all because he had a hidden musical talent his friends didn't know about. He was a great rapper and producer.
One day I took a deep breath, went up to him in the hallway, and asked if he wanted to "hang out sometime" on a double date. He said, "okay" but after a few days told me he'd changed his mind, because there was some girl who'd dumped him whom he was still hung up on. I was humiliated but tried to keep my cool. A year later, he came around and we dated for a bit.
Here in college, it's been much easier meeting people and being asked out on dates. However, I came to realize that I don't enjoy these dates as much as when I go out with someone I ask out. I'm sure there are ladies out there who feel the same.
Asking a guy out as a teenager and doing so as a twenty-something year old, I've found, are quite different. We're not kids anymore. In high school it was, "You wanna-?" or "I was thinking we could-." "We should-". Otherwise, we'd wait for a guy to ask us. But as a girl who has more guy friends than girl friends, I've learned from the guys that that is NOT how a grown-ass woman asks a guy out. Take notes, ladies.
Here are the big no-no's:
1) Making the date sound "casual" so not to scare him away.
Don't do this! It may have been cute in your teens but not anymore! If you ask him like it's a simple hang out he will assume you just want to be friends. It won't be a date at all. MEN don't get subtle hints; you have to be direct. If you're into him, show him you're into him; don't pretend you're not.
2) Dropping subtle hints and expecting him to do the dirty work.
It's not a man's job to ask the girl out! If you find yourself "waiting" or anxious that he'll slip out of your fingers before you could have a chance with him, ask him out yourself! There is nothing to be afraid of. If you have good taste and the guy is a gentleman, he will most likely say "yes" even if he isn't (yet) into you. Otherwise, he would decline politely. If he's a jerk about it, well, be thankful that you didn't start dating a douche like that.
3) Asking a friend to ask him whether he's into you before you consider asking him out.
Okay, I admit I did this not long ago. I did it knowing it was stupid. But never again! We're not twelve! It doesn't matter if he isn't into you. So ask him out, get to know him and allow him to get to know you. How's a man supposed to decide whether he likes you if he doesn't even know much or anything about you?
4) While asking him saying, "-but it's okay if you don't want to!" or "-but no worries if you're busy!"
Be. confident. Don't take no as an answer - unless he's taken, his mind is full because his mother just got carried to the hospital, because he just broke up with someone, or because he's gay. A grown-ass gentleman says yes if he has no reason to decline. A date is not a declaration of a relationship or marriage, it's simply a chance to get to know each other and have a good time.
Now here are the yes's:
1) Making sure he knows it's a date.
Use classic lines like, "would you like to have dinner sometime?" "Would you like to go on a date with me?" "We should go out sometime. Like on a date." "If you don't have plans for Friday night we should have dinner together." (That one may be a bit too subtle) "Have you ever been to ___? Would you like to go there on a date with me?"
2) Being confident.
Don't be shy or sound shy. Men like confident women who're sure of themselves. Know how you're going to ask him, go up to him, give him a flirty look in the eyes and go for it.
3) Not expecting too much from him.
Don't burden him in case he's not into you (yet). Don't make a bunch of plans for things to do on the date; do something simple. Because if he's not interested (yet), all that "stuff" will just sound like a lot of work and he won't want to go out with you. Just make it a simple meal, a fun time at the carnival, or going to an art gallery. Don't be all, "I always wanted to go to that thing where we write our names on heart-shaped paper and stick it on this large wall where other couple stick their names..." No.
4) Before you go on the date, plan some topics for discussion.
Do some background research. What? He won't know. Check out what he's into - hobbies, sports, food, etc. If he's from a different culture, do research on his culture. Any points on table manners? Cliche topics you shouldn't bring up? What's famous in his hometown/country? What's his passion? What do you know about it?
LASTLY, here's something I'm still trying to wrap my head around. Apparently guys don't really understand when women dress cute on the date... (???) The guy I last went on a date with was like, "you look nice. Any reason?" In my head I was like, uhh why are you asking me that? You know this is a date. I mean, he was dressed nice too. I ended up lying that I had work afterwards so I wouldn't seem desperate - but that may have been a mistake! I don't know. This actually happened to me a year or two ago as well. So, men (or women), any insight on this? Why would he ask me that?
That's all I have for you girls/guys. Happy dating!
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