Ladies, Don't Be Scared to Take the Initiative!

It's no secret that men are typically known as the "aggressors" when it comes to dating. They are the ones who are expected to make the first move. This is 2017 though, why are we still stuck in these gender roles when it comes to dating? In my opinion, ANYONE who has a crush should be forward and direct. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, ask them out! The worst they could do is say 'no.' Don't let your fear of rejection stop you from building a potentially great relationship.

Ladies, Don't Be Scared to Take the Initiative!

Many women I've spoken to claim they are too nervous to ask a guy out due to what the guy's reaction may be. Well how do you think men feel every time they approach a woman? I'm sure a vast majority of them have that same nervousness and uncertainty but in order to get a relationship, you have to put yourself out there.

This graph from Psychology Today shows the number of times participants had asked someone out on a date in the last year. As you can see, it shows men being significantly more active in asking out women for dates.

Ladies, Don't Be Scared to Take the Initiative!

Studies have shown that men want women to take the initiative too! This Match.com survey found that 95% of men are pleased if a woman asks for a man’s phone number yet only 13% of women said they would initiate the first date by asking a guy out. Those numbers speak for themselves. Men don't mind if a woman makes the first move and many of them WANT you to.

Still need further proof? Recently, a sex and relationships blogger from Twitter decided to do a small social experiment. The blogger, Oloni, encouraged women to ask out their crushes and then screenshot their responses.

And surprisingly (or not so surprisingly)...most of the responses from men were positive! Here are just a few of the screenshots people tweeted in response.

What does all of this prove? That sometimes men want to be "courted" too! It makes sense, I mean, who doesn't want to feel wanted? So ladies, if you're complaining about being single, there are no excuses! There is nothing stopping you from making the first move. If you really want a relationship, why not be proactive rather than sitting around waiting for someone to approach you? Next time you have a crush, don't be scared to go for it! Men do it all the time and we can too. 😉

Ladies, Don't Be Scared to Take the Initiative!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • These days I'm not sure what I think about women asking guys out anymore, if it's weird or not although it's always been weird to me. However, it's interesting but it still won't become very common because honestly the complication is on the part of women: they have high egos and like being the ones that guys have to go after, not wanting to go after guys. They want to be able to keep telling stories about all the guys they had to turn down, all the ones who were into them but she wasn't into them, how she can "take her pick," and because females actually fear rejection more than men. These factors are more enjoyable for them than being the one to ask a guy out.

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    • hit it on the head.

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    • @vexingvixen if you are going to a public high school chances are your education has a feministic bias. I remember that my high school English classes focused strongly on "progressive" feminist books. I didn't know it at the time but I retrospect I now see what bias my teachers had and it pissed me off.

      Point being guys are going to be more tentative now. They don't want to be some girls #metoo story...

    • @somewheresomeway well dont be so easy

Most Helpful Girl

  • I absolutely agree with your post. I get sooo tired of seeing the constant "does he like me ", "does she like me " questions on this site. Is everyone in freaking junior high? Grow a pair, ask your crush, and stop wasting time wondering! Your life will be much more fulfilling if you take chances every once in a while.

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What Guys Said 37

  • I know I wouldn't be offended or intimidated by a woman who was honest, forward about what she wants, and took some initiative. Some guys will claim that they get turned off by being approached or courted, but those guys I feel are insecure in their own masculinity. A confident man, or a man who isn't afraid of being vulnerable, won't feel his man card is at risk.

    I agree completely. Guys like to feel special, adored, attractive, validated, and so forth, just like women, both during dating and within the relationship. I personally like the give and take of a woman who likes to be lead but also takes control too. Why should any one person wear the pants? The traditional power dynamic is something that is created by the ego and it is something that is slowly being chipped away at by gender equality.

    I get turned on by an aggressive woman. She can be aggressive and also be submissive two, both aspects aren't mutually exclusive.

    A guy who might not make the first move can certainly step up and play the role of protector, provider, and leader with the right woman who is supportive and also has a degree of maturity and independence.

    Just because you approach a guy also doesn't mean he won't ask you on the first date! He may still do some or all of the courtship himself!
    There is no reason not be friendly, even if he turns you down.

    Don't be afraid and think that by being assertive that a guy is going to think you are "easy" or that you are desperate. These short of snap judgments are what prevent good compatible people from connecting. The same goes for judging a man who has never married by the age of 30 - 40, or a man who has been divorced multiple times, or a man who is a widower (may still not be over his deceased wife), or a man with children. You don't know if anyone is ready for commitment or right for you until you date them and get to know them. And everyone, EVERYONE, has insecurities and flaws. To think otherwise is to be a fool.

    If he is going judge you for being forward, he is not mature enough to handle a woman like you. Little does he know, even if you do approach first or ask for the date, that doesn't mean you are going to forgo the length of time it takes to get to know him before having sex. Even if he were to approach first, you still may require months of dating before sex and commitment.

    This principle also goes for sending the first message on dating sites.
    There is nothing wrong with taking the first step!

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  • If this take was a friend I would hug it. If it was a woman I would marry it. If it was a sex robot I'd prey to make it as real and legit as this mytake is.

    LADIES! Fuckin read this shit and take notes. Us men have had it. Understand? We are sick and tired of always asking for a date, always asking for sex,. It gets so draining and exhausting. I am done chasing women. I really am. I will talk to them and flirt with them and lead them the fuck on. Why not? That's how I've been treated my entire life.

    I'm totally willing to go on a date with a chic I am even semi attracted to. I am so thankful that acting like you don't care about dating a woman actually makes them ask you out.

    I now keep an eye out for confident, badass women. I love a dominant woman that takes initiative.

    Anyway... enough about me. Ladies. Ask these guys out. Set up some romantic dates. Fuckin buy us flowers, court us and pay for our dinners. It is the 21st Century. Women are no longer the weaker sex. There's no excuse. You ladies are no longer damsels in distress.

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    • Ouch... well said bro, well said. If there is one thing i've learned is that girls are the biggest hypocrites in the world, and im tired of their little egoistic games!!! Im tired of putting in all the effort and yet at the end of the day, be left like a damn fool, but i must respect the outcome though because im a man. Sometimes its just better to be alone and mind your own damn business... oh wait but even with that they get mad, because your not giving them the attention that they seek.

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    • @Robertinho I promise you that with my advice and by making women ask you out... you will get laid several times this year.

    • @Robertinho I am speaking as a guy who just got laid 5 hours ago. I have 2 fuck buddies. Being a ladies man is easy. Be charming. Flirt. But act like you dont give a shit what they think about you. Above all.. don't give them attention when they want it. Be hot and cold. It will drive them mad. Women are attention whores. Know this and you are gold. Once you know this secret you can manipulate the attention they crave.

  • Well done. Nothing is more irritating than a woman asking "why won't he ask me out?".

    Ask guys out, but do it as tactfully as you would expect us to ask you. Don't come steaming in and accept the fact that guys are allowed to reject girls too... don't get mad over it.

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    • How can a lady ask a guy out tactfully as u would ask a girl out? Examples?

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    • So you say that if a girl ask a guy out, she has to do it when he is not busy or not acting like desesperate woman as I know guys dont liek pushy women am I right? What if the guy and the girl already know each other and the lady want to ask him for like the 3rd date?

    • @kitty71 that’s perfectly fine, since we know each other a little. Go for it!

  • If a woman I've never seen before asked me out and she didn't really catch my eye, I'd say yes and give her a fair shot just out of respect for her breaking that stupid, stupid tradition of "let men do all the hard work in the dating world" crap.

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  • If a girl asked me out I would immediately take the lead from there so she doesn't have to stress about it, lol.

    What the article also doesn't say is that attractive guys are actually the least likely to get asked out Interestingly enough. Its too intimidating.

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    • Not true. The VGL guys I've known were often blatantly hit on by strange women. As in strangers, not weirdos.

    • @zagor Yea but hit on or asked out?

    • yeah i wish mine would do that i asked him out at some points hell take th lead but most of the time i have to take the anisitive

  • I really love when a girl takes the initiative cuz it shows she's a determined woman who's not afraid to go after what she wants. Even if I didn't think she's pretty, I would go on a date and give her a chance.

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    • Well said... well said, take notes ladies, and put that damn ego aside of you, won't you!!!

  • I was always the aggressor, so if a girl approached me first, she had already been filtered out by me. If I had really wanted her, I would have already approached her, right?
    However, a girl CAN and often does send signals that she's available to a specific guy. If he doesn't pick up on that, then he's not worth her time anyway.

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    • That would mean that 90% of men our not worth our time, lol. I hope you do realize that there are not many man like you. If we all just waited to be approached, most of us would end up single for the rest of our lives. It's a fact.

    • @little_bird1
      But a woman can signal (strongly) that she's available to the man of her choice.
      She shouldn't need to ask him out. And she can hint around without saying, "Hey, are ever going to ask me out or what?"

      To be honest 90% of men probably AREN'T worth your time.
      If you have to do the asking, the supporting, the bailing out of jail (ha ha), etc., then he's not worth it. Consider the fact that the woman who married the guy who killed 26 in a church in Texas thought that he was worth her time at one point.
      (Yes, women often aim too low.)
      Conversely, I found that 90% of all women weren't worth my time, but that's a subject for a different time.
      Hope you find a good husband.

  • You said "This is 2017, why are we still stuck in these gender roles when it comes to dating?" ***Current Year Argument*** Do you think the passage of time negates the Natural-Order? It doesn't. Whether it's 1917, 2017, or 2117, the Natural-Order still applies. It will always apply, as it is not subject to time.

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  • It so easy for the girls isn't it! I am scared to ever ask a girl out, cause the after effects can be dangerous. I wish some girl text me this some day...

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  • It's tough for women to ask men now of all times because of the average woman's ego. They will freak out if they get rejected, maybe kill themselves or some shit. Men are the prize, not women. A lot of men are giving up on women so if a woman wants to make it in dating they have to toughen up, and humble themselves.

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  • That's why apps that "force" women to take initiative like (Bumble for example) are superseding a lot of other apps. A lot of men are sort of getting tired of doing all the work

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  • This should be quite obvious. Women have most of the advantage when it comes to attraction, so pretty much they will have an easier time asking the guy out.

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  • I disagree. I believe men should go after the women not the other way around. It's a turn off if a women take initiative in my view.

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    • Speak for yourself

    • Why is it a turn-off for you?

    • @moviedude714: Because she seems too foward. Typically women that are like that are unsubmissive and kinda hoes.

      I perfer a woman that gives a slight flirt or gesture as a sign that she is interested not outright approaches me. I'm the chaser not her.

  • In my experience the only time women have ever been interested and talked to me first, they were only looking for someone to make fun of or make their guy jealous. That's it

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  • Guys who only are interested in quick hookups honor this , but I can assure you that most men who are leaders of their lives , will In fact not appreciate the advance.

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  • The reason why women dont ask guys more often is because women want to keep that power of rejection they give to guys or not. When you take that power away then they really have nothing else to show for. Its us guys that look like damn fools when we get rejected constantly and even worse when we get rejected and they give us a big attitude as to why we even approach them to begin with. If the tables changed or at least evened out, then the women might finally know at least a bit as to what us guys have to go through just try to take you out. Nevertheless, if that were to happen, maybe women would appreciate us guys more, instead, but it won't happen anytime soon, because its all an ego thing.

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  • Yes please. Most if not all the time, I don't get flirting. I've had friends in the past give me brain dusters because of this.

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  • These aren't 'gender roles'. This goes back to a bazillion years of biological programming. If a guy is so weak he can't or won't make a move then it's not up to the woman - it's just a failure. If she makes the move and becomes the dominate one she will never respect him as a real man. Over time that lack of respect turns into loathing, which will cause her to shut down sexually, cheat, bail, or any combination. No, this simply does not work, regardless of what year it is.
    The more things change the more they stay the same.

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    • @Browneye57
      Don't agree with the bazillion years thing, but other than that I agree 100%.
      Men are supposed to be the aggressors and if they aren't, they usually end up with nothing (or overly aggressive promiscuous women who hit on anything).

  • I'm all for it. When a bitch asks me out, I know I'm getting laid that night.

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    • bro... this is exactly bitches ain't asking us guys out. Don't let that idea slip past your mouth (even if she has the same idea)

  • Can I get an Amen! Lol

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  • I agree

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  • I would love for a woman to ask me out.

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  • I agree

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  • I need girls who take it.

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  • Interesting text to read. And girls shouldn't feel sad if they get turned down there are other guys out there

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  • Yeah me personally I've always hated how Society and reality have made it one-sided like this

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  • ya exactly i'm all for it

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  • Interesting take.

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  • About 95% of the time I've had to always take some initiative. However there were a few times in my 20s (when I was athletic and ripped) some girls would take initiative.. but they were usually drunk at a bar.

    I can remember 2-3 times in my life where HOT women actually approached me and I froze up. I felt like it was too good to be true and regrettably didn't take it for real.

    I guess the problem is that guys are NOT USED TO having women approach them. However I wish women could at least smile and say hello. A well versed guy will get the hint and go from there.

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  • I've always asked out any woman that i thought was interested in me. Big mistake. After years of looking and getting rejected, the only way I am going to get a girlfriend is if she takes the initiative and that only happens in movies.

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What Girls Said 18

  • Totally agree! It's only scary the first time, but once you get the hang of it, it becomes awesome.
    The first time I asked a guy out was when I was 19, and I've been doing it ever since then. With all honesty, 8/10 of my ex boyfriends were asked out by me. And they were all amazing guys who were thrilled that I made the first move.
    I prefer to be the one to make the move. Sure, it's great when someone I like asks me out first, but it feels better when I do it myself. You know why? Because it feels so damn awesome when he says yes! Even more awesome then when he asks you out. It's an accomplishment and accomplishments are amazing.
    Look at it this way: Imagine you are working on some kind of project at your work. Would you like it more if you got praised for just sitting at your desk doing nothing, or if you actually worked hard to make that project successful?
    I don't like to be the one waiting to be approached. I hate playing the "pick me" game like I have no choice in the matter, like my only duty is to be there and look nice (it is so downgrading), and what I hate the most is constant WONDERING if he's ever gonna ask me out. "Notice me, senpai" doesn't go with me.
    Another reason is that I know I'm not that special. Nobody is. I find most of girls pretty and attractive, so why would he pick me out of bunch, what's so special about me? I obviously have to do something because hell, life is short and everything is a competition. I can flirt with him, sure, but what makes me think that other girls are not flirting with him too? While I'm sitting there wondering and over-analyzing, some other girl might already asked him out!
    So no, I'm not waiting. I a woman who knows what she wants and if I see something that I want, I go get it. That goes for everything in life, because no good thing is gonna fall from the sky right at your feet. So I will raise my head, put a smile on my face, walk up to him and ask him to have a coffee with me. It's that simple. The worst it can happen is that he says no. The important thing is that I saved myself long time of stressing and wondering about him. A woman is not obligated to give him sex or lick his feet just because she made the first move, she can easily turn him down after few dates, it makes no difference who did the asking first.
    My point is that I believe it's awesome when a women makes the first move, and it's also awesome when a man does it.
    Just go for it girls!

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  • I have made the 1st move before, heck I was the one to message my boyfriend 1st online. I don't mind making the 1st move, but balance that out w/the guys response as well. I'll send the 1st message, ask then out on a 1st date etc, if the guy backs off or he is unsure, I leave the ball in his court. I never chase after him if I make the 1st move.

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  • I tend to go ahead and take control when it comes to dating, I figure it's my personality and if a guy doesn't like that we aren't meant to be ;)

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  • I've done this, and got the guy, but it's risky because the next thing you know, you're the one talking the initiative for everything, essentially... doing all of the work. Then guys gets bored when there's no excitement or challenge.

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    • that's why you need to know when to pull back some. You are right about guys wanting SOME challenge but most women go way overboard with it.

  • I like this guy and he likes me back. The problem? He is shy and slightly awkward when it comes to love and romance, and I've never asked out a guy before cause I expect if they like me too, they should care enough about me to come forward. One time he even admitted to me that he would accept a girl he likes asking him out, and it would make it so much easier for him than him asking them out.

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  • Yeah, I just did this in September. Guys can be so confusing.
    He's a friend I've known for a few months, and I was sure he was flirting with me. He said he wasn't interested. Told him I appreciated his honesty and backed off.
    Fast forwards to the present, and he's even more flirty with me, and makes a lot of sexual comments now. Don't understand the mixed signals. I won't be asking him again, if he's changed his mind, he can tell me.
    Might ask someone else in future, though. Preferably someone who doesn't play games. I'm not having fun.

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  • I think what it really is is that men are far too eager. As match. com being a secular site, it's very clear that things are going to be lust based. So naturally, depending on the guy, men are going to fantasize more of women asking them out because it shows she is sexually invested in his eyes. To women, a man coming to her, depending on the girl, shows that she has been chosen and caught his interest. Women and men have different expectations.

    Everybody has their own reasons for not approaching. I only say approach people who already noticed your presence, and is open to being approached.

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    • Are you a mind reader to know what he will be thinking if you approach him?

      The guy chooses the girl so at the end base on jr reply, you are choosing nothing.

    • @djmzes Actually I am quite intuitive to sense things about people and I'm usually 99.9% correct. Then come to find out it's true. I pay very close attention to everything around me. I'm not like other naive girls. There are actual clues to tell about a person. From body language to what he talks about to the way how he speaks. I don't approach because number 1, I don't have good reasons to. Number 2, why am I going to approach people I have no desire being friends with? 3, I have no interest in dating, so that is already out.

      The same way you say the guy chooses the girl so do the girl chose the guy. Everybody has choices. But as I always say, start out as friends first, then see if romance is possible.

    • When I said you I mean in general. It is an statistical you in a sense. But I agree with you. So I respect ur views

  • In general, I agree with you. I have no trouble approaching someone if they manage to catch my interest.
    There's just one problem: I've been told more than once that me doing that was major turn-off. To use your words- many guys (definitely not all of them, but this still applies a good chunk) are the 'aggressor' because they want to be. I've met a lot of guys who couldn't deal with a woman hitting on them openly & thus retreated because they were on unfamiliar ground. I realise this is a difficult situation to get out of since a lot of guys are tired of having to take the first step, yet are so unused to being the 'courted one' they don't know how to deal with it & get out of that situation.
    I guess this will still take time to actually settle withing people's head, especially since most women still refuse to even try being the initiator.

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    • It's funny, sometimes girls are awkward because they don't expect to be asked out, but then they retreat and tell their friends how she ran into a creep today. But that guy is told to "man up" and keep going. I just hope you appreciate that you ask a guy out get rejected, throw in the towel and still have guys ask YOU out. average to ugly guys have to play the numbers game.

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    • @NotJustAName Sorry i thought you were the opinion owner

    • Sorry for misunderstanding, the tone made it sound like you you thought it was all okay for girls to be unreasonable. Thanks for clarifying.

  • I haven't and as a rule never ask guys out. Not due to any societal/gender expectations I don't give a shit about that but I am so cripplingly afraid of rejection. I know I shouldn't take it to heart but I kind of have hang ups about when I was younger and really have a bad image of myself. I honestly assume no men are interested me, with a handful of exceptions, so I don't really see the point of asking someone out If i know there's a 0.001% rate they wouldn't laugh in my face if I asked them out.

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    • www.court-records.net/.../miles-shrug(d).gif

      Rejection sucks. I asked out a girl yesterday... Well, you can probably guess what happened.

    • I felt the exact same way growing up due to bullying and am only now getting over it. I too could never see a guy ever being interested in me. I used to even get pranked about that so now I'm there assuming guys are still pranking me when showing interest. Awful.
      I am sensing they are sincere ever since I turned 20 though, guess they're now going for second choice girls like myself, meh. -_- I honestly would prefer them to at least stick to their standards like when I was younger. It's a little late for them to come around now. They should go for the kind of women they actually want, it's just so ironic they're not anymore.
      And like you said it's not simply about polite rejection but about actually being ridiculed!

    • www.court-records.net/.../miles-determined(c).gif

      @Rissa95 That's horrible! I guess what makes things worse is that those who are assholes to people about their lack of romantic/sexual experiences are those who tend to have no problems dating. Sad times but so is life.

  • I will only approach guys who are good looking as they're the only guys worthy of my pussy.

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    • What!!!
      U value urself to ur pussy...
      Nothing in the brain

  • Interesting... I do most of my dating online, and while I've messaged guys first or asked for people's numbers, I generally don't set up the date.

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  • The last time I chased a guy I was his rebound. Never again lol.

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  • No matter what you say about what year we live in, nothing will change. i am a woman who have taken a lot of chances and asked guys out but I've often intimidated men (I guess) by being straightforward, OR I was perceived as an easy girl who wants the D right away and received no respect. Men find women who ask them out as aggressive, and not feminine, and so not marriage material, or relationship material. Been there, done that, learned my lesson and I won't be asking any guy out in the remainder of 2017 and whole 2018. i am fine with being single rather than being treated as easy chick to stick a dick with no respect.

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    • Ask urself whom did you ask first?

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    • do you think all the girls you asked out and you went out were right girls and this is why you went out together?

      and trust me it is the regular attitude of even "nice" guys towards women who are not scared to ask out. i learnt that after trying 6 years from the ages of 22 to 28. and i won't be doing it again. all my stable long term relationships started when i fucked the brains out of the guy not when i asked him out.

    • Right or wrong... I do not think that way.
      I see like someone that take a mere piece of rock into a sculpture. Quite a complex analogy but that mine.

      What we show to the world may not be ourselves and thus living in fake. But anyway... that is just me and I know it is super difficult to see as mine cuz it takes a lot of courage to sculpt a rock into something meaningful.

  • I agree with ur article

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  • I'm not scared.

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  • My only concern is that by women chasing a man are they really getting to see his level of interest if she does the work for him? Probably not. Women should be open and friendly, sure. But the pursuer? I'm not so sure.

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  • HA! No, I won't be doing that again. I've done it twice now with disasterous results:
    1st Time:
    I asked out a shy guy in college because he couldn't get over his shyness. Within 24 hours he was already talking about how we were going to be married and hold hands for the rest of our lives like an old married couple. ... Oh, and have a son.
    2nd Time:
    I asked a shy guy out to a group event. He asked me if I were going to be there, I said yes, then he said he would go. He started teasing me, saying he wouldn't do anything to hurt me because I was special, etc. Then we get to the event and I find out the girl sitting next to him is his girlfriend (another co-worker told me).
    So NO, I'm done playing this game. If -single, sane- guys like me, we can be adults about it and discuss it openly. If we don't have compatibility, I'll be polite and say no. If we do, I'll be polite and say yes. Simple/

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    • 2 times you are done due to bad experience and guys that got rejected twice said they are done then it is not right...
      Wow dumb psychology of women

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    • @AllThatSweetJazz Sorry, I did say twice! I also had another boyfriend that I blocked from my memory (both consciously and unconsciously). He was a literal psychopath though and yes, I did have to "ask him out" even though he was pressuring me through indirect guilt trips and by using our mutual friends to put on the pressure. He was highly abusive and manipulative so I try not to think about him.
      @djmzes, you are right. Sometimes the majority is wrong and sometimes it isn't for everyone to follow.

    • So only three times then?
      The thing is that none of those a *good* reasons for the purposes of justification, they're just personal reasons. Just say it's personal preference and leave it there, don't try to reason it out as fair or justified, just say it's personal preference and own it.

  • good take

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